I relapse

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Selfcontrol1, Feb 23, 2020.

  1. Selfcontrol1

    Selfcontrol1 Fapstronaut

    Man... This is sad. I want to be someone I'm proud of. I'm currently hate my self
     
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  2. Hey, don't waste your time hating yourself. You've got to be positive. And this is coming from a guy who fell into a huge hole of masturbation this weekend. I jerked off to porn this weekend nearly as many times as I did in all of 2019. I am kicking myself. I am angry. I am disappointed. But hate and shame are not going to work. Don't quit, brother. I won't, either.
     
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  3. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    Oh dear, that sounds awful mate. I feel for you. Do you have any insight as to why it was so bad? Did you have major stress or negative emotions that nullified your willpower?
     
  4. llortaton

    llortaton Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, that sounds terrible. He either masturbated a LOT that weekend, or none at all the whole year of 2019.
     
  5. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    That is something that brings together people of most ages (about seven and up, some of us start even younger), all races, all socioeconomic and geopolitical backgrounds, and is especially normal for addicts, the thought "I currently hate myself". There's the implication that if we just get IT right, whatever it is in this case pm+, we won't hate ourselvesf anymore. But there are people out there not using pm+ for years or even decades who hate themselves. They probably have some reason for it that they believe explains why they are hateful, like eating too much, not working hard enough, not being liked by xyz persons, not exercising enough. I never would have seen any of this if not taught by kind insightful people, what I missed for so long was that the thought "I hate myself" came first and then the reason came to justify a thought I already believed. It's called make believe: we make up an idea then we believe it :). This is how the vast majority of ideas any human has ever had got there :). Actually I was wrong, we don't make the ideas they pop up in our heads. If we had made them we could dismantle them and rearrange them at will. With practice you can see more and more who is living above the same stream of consciousness because they tend to be compassionate and joyous even in the face of bad things. It is from disbelieving those ideas not fighting them as if they shouldn't be in the mind that is a wild goose chase that had nothing to do with love of life and everything to do with pride. What I did was Find one person who radiated kindness and joy and asked him what to do (it's especially interesting to meet a man like that, many mothers have kindness and joy with their children but many men are the opposite with everyone :) ) and then I did what he said. It's been working great for me for years, pls I've met several more people like that and life keeps getting better and better every year.
     
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  6. Yes, I did. Not horrible stress, but of a different kind than I'd had before. I'll spare everyone the details, but yeah, the result was I flat out gave up. To be honest, I didn't even feel like I was me, if that makes sense. But today has been better! Thank you.
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2020
  7. Well, not none in 2019, but 6x to porn. I masturbated a few other times without it. So when I did 5x with porn on the weekend...that's pretty bad....
     
  8. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    That is good news. Although you binged at the weekend, you can make sure that it does not become a pattern. I agree that stress can really throw you a curve ball and you can end up with a kind of "fuck it" attitude. But I know that is not your usual mind set. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Keep looking forwards man. :)
     
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  9. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

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    do this: try to imagine that porno you just saw. now think about everything involved from the shooting to the contract negotiation between the pornstar and company. think about how unnatural what you're seeing is, and how it can and never will be done naturally for you. if you still want to jerk off to porn after that then get a porn blocker, it can potentially be a life saver.
     
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  10. Selfcontrol1

    Selfcontrol1 Fapstronaut

    Is it possible to get a porn blocker that keep me from searching on incognito mode?
     

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