I think this might help.

I don't know why else I'd feel so opposed to trying to enter a community such as this. I'm prone to self sabotage.
I didn't consciously decide to give try to reboot, I was taking a break from caffeine to see if that would help my sleep cycle, and after four days I realized I had also not seen any porn. So I ran with it. Not counting but close to a month now. Boredom and solitude broke in today and I found myself browsing some sites but stopped myself and left the pc.
This is a struggle. To have done something hidden from everyone for so long makes it that much harder to seek support.
I'm concerned that while being successful at abstaining I'll deteriorate into a permanently grumpy and joyless person. Happiness and joy are all I currently seek. They elude me.
Thanks for reading