Some of us are here and gay. And I’m becoming a psychologist so the anti-academic rhetoric is somewhat troubling to me. As it is , I think there is something to be said for the fact people have experienced porn ( over ? ) use as harmful. As someone who deals with talking people through their experiences and their mental health because of those experiences I can’t ignore when someone feels something is harming them. Scientific consensus doesn’t equal “ bull shit “ as the person who claims they have “ been to university .. read tons of books “ seems to believe. But science IS an expanding field of knowledge and it always will be. As for porn ... well I’ve had two eating disorders , body dysmorphia , etc that although now caused by porn have been intensified by it. The discussion of anal sex seems strange to me as a. That is not even the main way gay men engage sexually. b. The nerve endings inside the rectum are connected to the penis and the prostate can be a pleasure center. C. Homosexual behavior has been well documented in many primates and other mammals in the wild. And humans are indeed primates so same-sex behavior makes sense. Now back to the OP. Human beings are fairly sexuality fluid , we’ve known this since Kinsey. We do not know what causes sexual attraction. We do know it’s not nurture alone or nature alone. So it is more than likely a combination of neurological , biological , genetic and environmental factors. But sexual attraction is largely out of our control or sometimes even understand. It is just something that we experience. Sexual orientation however is about identity. I’m a gay man , now there are women who are in my life that are quite sexy to me. And I’ve even had women as FWBs before. I identified as bi for 8 years , up until a month ago. Then I had a hard conversation with myself about the fact that although I find a handful of women to be sexual attractive , I had never pictured myself partnered to a woman. I was raised religious ( I still consider myself a person of faith) and I even when to conversion and reparative therapy for FIVE YEARS. But it made no difference. Although I’m somewhat bisexual or sexuality fluid , I’m homoromatic which is to say I’m only ever going to be romantically attracted to men. So OP attraction doesn’t equal identity that is completely up to you and you alone to decide how and even if to name your sexuality.
It sounds like you have a good grasp on your feelings mate . Congratulations, not many men do. Sexuality is indeed a complex thing, and even though I sometimes fail to take this advice, not overthinking it is perhaps the best advice I have heard. The more you overthink it, the more you will be confused and sad. But one thing I think we can all agree upon is that Porn is very unhealthy.
I really like your comment, there are a lot of question and lot of them unanswered around Sexual Identity, sexual attractions..etc. In my personal case I have suffered all my life with the fear of being gay as if being gay it is something bad, Nofap is helping me to change that perspective. All my life I have not accepted that I can have an erection with a guy however the erection is not bad it is the meaning I have given to that erection, i.e it is bad, it is the end of the world..and on and on very judgmental and critical toward myself that has made my life a hell. For romantic relationship I prefer women and I enjoy sex with woman far more than with man. The few engagements that I have had with guys I have not liked I do not feel connected at a deeper level. Also on those few engagement in some of them I was not able get an erection and I could not understand as to why; now I am much clear about it. I think HOCD should be call Sexual Orientation/Gay OCD because same sex attraction should not be bad or the end of the world is just is and is reality for many men. You wrote the nerve endings inside the rectum are connected to the penis and the prostate can be a pleasure center, in other words I can masturbate though the anus get pleasure and not being gay. I even was afraid when I had bowel movement and feel my penis go up, I would say to my self see you are gay, now I have come to understand that there is a connection between the anus and the penis. Thanks for post be well and happy.
I think this is a very wise and mature outlook. I actually agree with you, and think internal homophobia is part of the problem itself. I even think that finding ways to eradicate internal homophobia will actually get rid of any confusion too. The fear of being gay 'potentially' might be what makes gay fantasies more arousing. Or you could be bisexual or even gay. But based upon what you have said, I think you are most likely straight, or maybe slightly bisexual. The more I look into this stuff, the more I think sexuality is fluid and on a spectrum. But this isn't always a good thing, especially for those of us who have quite obsessive minds, and who don't enjoy confusing variations affecting what we have always enjoyed and known. I personally don't think it is wise to act out on sexual fantasies which are different to your normal preferred tastes, as this will just make things even more confusing. So I think it depends entirely on the person, and if you are a very calm and worry free person who doesn't over analyse, then experimentation is totally fine. I've seen it in other people, and most of them are incredibly comfortable in their own sexuality, and don't let experimentation define who they are, and what they like. My twin brother is a great example as he has experimented with guys in the past, and he is now in a very loving relationship with his wife. He consistently laughs at me (in a nice way) whenever I say I think I am gay, or how I can find some gay fantasies arousing, and it is because he can see how silly overthinking and obsessing about these things really is. So to go back to my earlier point, I really think that for those who suffer from HOCD, challenging our own internal homophobic narratives will most likely clear things up for us . If you don't mind me asking, does the anxiety you have around homosexuality, partly revolve around the fear that any arousing experience (in person, online or in your head) may desensitise you to sex with women? I personally have this fear, which is why I really suffer anytime I have an urge or get aroused. But having read a bit more on the subject, and having had some explanatory experiences, I think obsessive dwelling and anxiety around homosexuality is actually what makes these urges and fears stronger. I'd even go as far as to say that this could even be the reason why any of these urges and thoughts happen in the first place (not always of course, but I think this could be the case for a lot of men).
Hi very interesting, I will answer to you but I have to get clear all my ideas. I am glad to find somebody who I can talk about this issue. Have a good night, be well
