I WILL go 90 days! and I'm doing it for myself

Warning wall of text and rambling rant ahead

Will is in caps because I've been telling myself I can or can't do this but that is the wrong choice of words I WILL do this. For over a year I have been trying to beat this addiction in fact I think it may actually have been two years now. I've made a lot of mistakes and I'm trying to learn from them. The biggest one I've made is I've been doing this to get a girlfriend and have sex. I'm still a virgin and thats pretty much my biggest insecurity. Anyone reading this who isn't doing this challenge for yourselves, you are setting yourself up for failure. Trust me, you must do it for yourself. It's easy to justify relapse if your insecure and doing it for the women, you'll tell yourself it'll never happen so why bother and such. I've seen a lot of people on here say you need to do it for yourself and I always figured they were wrong but they're not, sorry guys for doubting you. Don't realize this later please please take my word for it. Also when your not doing it for yourself you don't work on improving yourself. All of my best streaks have been when my focus was on self improvement, working out, studying, learning a language, taking my meds and working on my social skills. For the past two week I have been on a PMO binge and I haven't done any of the stuff I listed previously. Not doing those things has caused a lot of problems for me and those problems stress me out, so for relief I go back to PMO, its a vicious cycle. You must learn to deal with your stress with out PMO, if you feel stressed and get the urge do something productive, I find running to be the best thing as it wipes me out and I fall asleep when I get back a minute after I lay down. Don't drink alone, after a few beers you'd be surprised how much of your determination disappears. Remember you WILL do this and you're going to do it for YOURSELF.

Sorry this is a long and disorganized mess, I was just writing out whatever came to my mind as I just relapsed like 20 minutes ago and I thought a lot about my constant relapses alot and what lead me to them. Thanks for reading this and I hope this helps someone.