I wish I had cheated, so I could throw it in his face right now.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by A126, Nov 17, 2016.

  1. A126

    A126 New Fapstronaut

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    I'm really struggling after finding out yesterday that my husband of 6.5 years is"addicted" to pornography. To me it is a bull shit excuse for not growing the fuck up. until yesterday morning he was my best friend. I trusted him more than anyone else. We have 2 kids together. Now I wish that he could just disappear. My children don't need this bullshit in their lives. he's literally taken all the joy right out of my life. All I can think about is my kids' pain from this. they're just babies. I never wanted them to grow up without both their parents.
    It makes me physically ill to think of him looking at other naked women and God knows what else. he's probably a pedophile too. isn't that teenage shit what's hot right now? I'd feel better if I had not been faithful and consistent in my love for him. if I had cheated on him I would feel better. I feel like such a fool. I can't believe that I'm dealing with this.

    A couple of weeks and it'll be the anniversary of the day my dad shot my step mom and then himself. can we poor more shit on me right now? I don't even know why I'm posting this here. I'm so angry and so hurt. I've been betrayed by a selfish poor excuse for a man. men don't do this to the people they love. I don't believe that addicts can be rehabilitated. I've got a family full of addicts. despite a billion rehabs they're still addicts even if they're not using. my cousin's husband had a problem with pornography and his brains ended up on the ceiling a few years back. now she's married to the man that loaned her husband the gun. seriously. I just can't do it.
    How do you go on from this? I don't want to read a self help book. I don't want to do the work. I've been in alanon forever. it's bullshit that you have an addiction and I have to do the work. I already do enough work. I've been in therapy my entire adult life. that's work too. now he's "sorry" and he "loves" me and blah blah. IF HE LOVED ME HE WOULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS. I'd have never hurt him like this.

    Luckily I can take care of my kids and support us all on my own. at least I'm not traded for financial reasons or something. he has always hated that I make more money than him. now at least it serves me a purpose.
     
    AndySky180 and Frühlingstimme like this.
  2. tout ça pour ça

    tout ça pour ça Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Dear A126
    your first post is so heartfelt and pained. I m really sorry you have been going through so much and that the whole experience has been so familiar and confronting. There are lots of people here from both sides, the partner and the addict. So i really hope there is someone here who you can relate to in a strong and positive way. The site is a helpful one and even though the process is tiring, and as you know can be confronting, at least you are here and I really hope you can find some support here to help you.
    wishing you welcome.
     
  3. Frühlingstimme

    Frühlingstimme Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, you came here and dumped all your feelings. That is so woman-alike. You can throw all at your husband's hands, but if things didn't went well, it's your fault too.

    You're not even giving a chance to the man, even though you have two kids and a life story with him. You don't love him. Who loves supports each other in difficult times. And you readily forgot the times when you was in bad times and supported you.

    Women do this. They throw everything away. They think men should be a puppet who support them in every decision and when the man have problems, he have to deal with his problems alone.

    So yeah, it's all his fault. You are a perfect wife. You are a saint. It's all his fault. You know deep down it's your fault too, and if it's not your fault, you should support him. In the end you love him, right?

    This site has some very strong women who made accounts only to help their husbands, even when the husband don't think he has a problem. I'll not say all men do it, and that it is normal, but you are making a big fuss of it and throwing your marriage in the trash can for nothing.

    At least admit you don't love him and walk away like you said you would. Your man will make an account here and I will help him. In the end, men can only rely on other men when they have problems.
     
  4. Baden

    Baden Fapstronaut

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    Snip: I've been in therapy my entire adult life. that's work too. now he's "sorry" and he "loves" me and blah blah. IF HE LOVED ME HE WOULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS.

    You could not be more wrong in that statement. His addiction has nothing to do with you whatsoever. It's not because of not enough sex, or you are pretty enough and whatever else logic reasons you are trying to come up with. Addiction is not logic, in my humble opinion, there are deeper reasons for it.

    As I tell my wife all the time, if I would have been a alcoholic or on heroin her understanding would be much higher and her support would have been there.

    I understand fully how hurt and betrayed you must feel but it's a fact that this addiction can be so debilitating and leaving him numb and incapable of taking action.

    Do you have a choice, either support and help or get out of the way of his recovery. You can't have it both ways.
    Best of luck.
     
    AndySky180 likes this.

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