I'm really struggling after finding out yesterday that my husband of 6.5 years is"addicted" to pornography. To me it is a bull shit excuse for not growing the fuck up. until yesterday morning he was my best friend. I trusted him more than anyone else. We have 2 kids together. Now I wish that he could just disappear. My children don't need this bullshit in their lives. he's literally taken all the joy right out of my life. All I can think about is my kids' pain from this. they're just babies. I never wanted them to grow up without both their parents. It makes me physically ill to think of him looking at other naked women and God knows what else. he's probably a pedophile too. isn't that teenage shit what's hot right now? I'd feel better if I had not been faithful and consistent in my love for him. if I had cheated on him I would feel better. I feel like such a fool. I can't believe that I'm dealing with this. A couple of weeks and it'll be the anniversary of the day my dad shot my step mom and then himself. can we poor more shit on me right now? I don't even know why I'm posting this here. I'm so angry and so hurt. I've been betrayed by a selfish poor excuse for a man. men don't do this to the people they love. I don't believe that addicts can be rehabilitated. I've got a family full of addicts. despite a billion rehabs they're still addicts even if they're not using. my cousin's husband had a problem with pornography and his brains ended up on the ceiling a few years back. now she's married to the man that loaned her husband the gun. seriously. I just can't do it. How do you go on from this? I don't want to read a self help book. I don't want to do the work. I've been in alanon forever. it's bullshit that you have an addiction and I have to do the work. I already do enough work. I've been in therapy my entire adult life. that's work too. now he's "sorry" and he "loves" me and blah blah. IF HE LOVED ME HE WOULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS. I'd have never hurt him like this. Luckily I can take care of my kids and support us all on my own. at least I'm not traded for financial reasons or something. he has always hated that I make more money than him. now at least it serves me a purpose.