I wonder

Greetings good people, I was wondering something today and I would like to ask you about your experience and your thoughts on the issue.
You see, I've been doing nofap for more than 700 days with many different streaks. During this time I've relapsed 26 times which would basically mean like on average once in 28 days but this math is not really objective because it is calculated from the very beginning and I'm getting better at this game. My streaks are getting longer and relapses are fewer and fewer, also strategies applied in the process are more sophisticated and my general discipline and conviction is stronger too.
I've seen the benefits and I've also experienced unexpectedly strong withdrawals. Only after starting the nofap journey I realised that I am indeed an addict. Truly I had no idea.
My longest streaks were: 124, 109, 77. The thing is I'd like to believe that with each relapse the overall progress is still there and all is not lost. To tell the truth I still think so. It's only logical.
And in all honesty on the day when I screw up my nofap ambition and relapse, I usually ejaculate 4/ 5 times in total.
Yeah, I am aware of it being counterproductive and I know that my multiple ejaculation on the day of relapse is stealing more of my progress. I'm working on it. But that's not the point now.
You see, for example today I am on day 42 and I've just realised something. It seems that in my longer streaks I follow the same map and the good things and bad things come at more or less the same time. This realisation is making me feel a bit nervous because it could really mean that with each relapse of mine all is lost and I always do start with the square one again. My feeling is that it shouldn't be like that because a lot of hard work has been done and it shouldn't just dusappesr like that because of one crazy evening. But the numbers and my notes speak different language.
It's always like this for me in the longer streaks:
Day 0 - 42 - flatline and withdrawal symptoms
Since day 40 morning wood, glowing skin, clear eyes
Since day 43 feeling better
Since day 58 urges and spontaneous erections coming back
Since day 77 feeling very good, it's like a feeling of high.
Since day 83 urges are massive
Since day 104 second flatline and crazy withdrawal. I haven't made it past it yet and to be honest I didn't expect to feel so bad so far in the streak.
So what are your thoughts on this guys? Why do I seem to follow the very same track after each relapse? Is all the progress lost? What is your experience? And could you share your map of the progress? Thank You all.

 

Also I would like to know if your map of progress is changing with more longer streaks coming.

 

Thank You for your feedback and please keep me posted.
I actually think more and more that I might be one of those more hardcore cases as well. I mean after more than 700 days of different streaks I still suffer the withdrawal every single day. And when I was on my longest streak 124 days I felt good only for about 24 days. And when these 24 days passed, the second flatline came (shortly after day 100) and this level of darkness surprised me a lot. I haven't felt so bad for years. I almost went on a sick leave because to work with this level of anxiety, nervosity, brain fog, insomnia, inability to focus on anything and more ..that was quite a challenge. It was a bit hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk to you again And that's when I relapsed. This time I will be prepared for the second flatline
Or not Because who knows it could pretty easily last other 100 days or more.
I accept it all though. It actually makes sense and I'm really determined and highly motivated to face it all.
You haven't really got at least a glimpse of the good stuff that is about to come to your life if you keep your game up? That would really help you and it will. So stay strong. My feel-good vibes didn't stay long at all but it was profound experience and I feel there is much more to come.
And you're absolutely right - those who fell the lowest down the rabbit hole, have the potential to rise the highest.
I knew deep inside that masturbation and porn was wrong when I was twelve but the society kept telling me that it's perfectly healthy, natural and safe thing to do. And so I kept going for a quarter of a century. At times I edged for hours.
Nobody told me that it is as addictive as heroine and that I will pay dearly for every single minute of my decadence.
And yeah, I've come to the same understanding as you - only after the libido is back, will you start to get the benefits. It is the sexual energy anyway which is going to transmutate in your life and manifest itself in all these feel- good stuff.
Speaking of relapsing and losing your ( or some of your) progress I still think though there must be difference between guy who PMOs 3 times a week for last two years versus what I have been doing for last two years. Even though it doesn't feel that way now.
Anyway, I'd love to see the timeline of the bad and good things as they come for other people on this journey too.

 

I definitely agree with that. "90 days reboot" won't cut it for vast majority of the guys.

 

Intellectually I've always known it works like this but now for the first time I'm experiencing it and making a conscious choice. I'm not going to focus on the sad fact that it took me 38 years before I reached this point. There are no mistakes in life, only experience. Instead I'm going to focus on the positive side - this No PMO ambition is a total game changer. There is so much good coming out of it, so much reclaiming to be done. I can feel it.
Yeah, my every single day sucks now and I suffer the consequences of my past decadence. In a way my life was easier and "better" before nofap. I suffer now and I've suffered most of my 750 days journey. But it's o.k. I can taake it. My perspective is very optimistic. And secondly there isn't any other way. To be or not to be ( the person you have always meant to be) shouldn't even be a question.
And one more thing, I know it might sound a bit like a cliché but I truly feel that those who fell the deepest, might rise the highest. And I need to say that I was hooked by the age of 12, that is 26 years ago.

 

Thank you for your feedback and wise words. Also, big congratulations to your progress. You are an inspiration.
The way I see it, after 750 days of limited success, there is no way around it. Relapse simply can't be an option. And truly I think I've had enough. It takes such a long time after each relapse before I start to feel alright. Highly motivated this time. I've learnt a lot in last 750 days. I see how it is all interconnected. But it's time to level up a bit.
Thanks again. Keep up the good work and stay strong in your flatlines. Btw how long do your flatlines usually last when you are that far in your streak? Is there any pattern? And what about their intensity?

 

You say there is no pattern regarding when the flatlines come so we are all up for the ride then, no spoiler here
On the other hand, what you're saying is that the flatlines tend to get shorter later in the streak and that is definitely good news.