I'll never have a "normal" relationship with a girl

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by RedPillRebooter, Jun 8, 2017.

  1. RedPillRebooter

    RedPillRebooter Fapstronaut

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    I've been thinking, I'll never have a normal relationship with a girl. For example, say I meet a girl, she wants me to go to the movies - I can't go. Why because modern movies are basically pornography. Another example, she texts me images of herself, I can't have that - that's pornography. She wants to go to the mall, I won't go because of all the psubs in the mall. She wants to watch TV, I can't because TV has psubs. Etc. Etc.

    The world is full of psubs. What I'm saying is I can't do the normal stuff most people in a relationship do.
    Idk you guys have any suggestions?
     
  2. Alex King

    Alex King Guest

    You could go for a meal or coffee
    A walk in the park
    Miniature golf
    Pick a serious kind of movie, there will be some clean movies
     
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  3. RedPillRebooter

    RedPillRebooter Fapstronaut

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    I'm just not that type of guy. I'm 21 years old.
    I think I'll just be that guy that a girl goes to when she's having problems with her BF/friend with benefits.

    I just can't risk being exposed to the many psubs out there these days.
     
  4. The_Monk

    The_Monk Guest

    I think slowly slowly you are becoming a celibate. Just like me. I too dont like all this modern visualization because all it only consists is pornography like stuffs. I dont even look or talk to girls now without any purpose.
     
  5. RedPillRebooter

    RedPillRebooter Fapstronaut

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    It's not that I'm becoming celibate, I love having sex. It's just I hate porn and psubs. And psubs are everywhere therefore I don't think I can go to the movies or the mall like normal people do

    Now that I think about it. I don't even want a girl to get to know me. I'm too private a person. I just want a girl who wants to stay in bed most of the day, fucking me all day.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2017
  6. This fear of psubs will really screw your mind up, if you'll continue to give them such a great meaning.
     
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  7. Freitas.P

    Freitas.P Fapstronaut

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    I think it's different. If you're single and get exposed to all these things, that's correct to avoid. Now on a date with a girl that you really want to know/stay/attracts you, even more with almost 300 days without P, you don't need to fear. You can try to filter the movies or TV channels most of the time, but not always. I think you should have more faith and trust your reboot. Somewhere in your life you'll come across with some psubs unintentionally and deal with it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2017
  8. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    What are you defining as porn substitutes? It sounds like you have a rather stringent definition and may be overly exigent on yourself. What is and is not valid or reasonable in your definition?

    You have been told to be in the world and not of it. So you still need to be able to function in society. What can you do to allow this?

    All modern movies aren't "basically pornography" - that is an overgeneralisation and not a valid conclusion. Which movies could you watch? Which tv shows don't glorify sex?

    Is texting images of herself to you pornography? Maybe. If you only see her as an object for your sexual desire, then yes. Women were created to be so much more, though. What preconceptions about women do you currently hold? Are they valid? Do they reflect reality?
    Is texting images of herself to you pornography? Maybe not. In the context of a long-term committed relationship, like a marriage, texting sexy images to one another can actually build intimacy and relationship.
    I keep answering your post from a Christian perspective and I have no idea if you are or not. A good measure I have been given is this, "Is this drawing me closer to God and to others?" If the answer is no, discard it. If the answer is yes, consider keeping it. That might shift what you consider to be porn or acceptable behaviours toward women.
     
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  9. RedPillRebooter

    RedPillRebooter Fapstronaut

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    Audio, images, literature that is artificially sexually arousing, whether it intense to be or not.
    Any image of a woman. Period. IDC if she's ugly or not, I don't allow myself to see images of women. In fact, I try my best to not look at any pictures at all. Any pictures of human beings I avoid. That means I am limited to watching cartoons, like anime. Even then, I still try my best to avoid the female characters as best I can.

    You may think this is a little extreme but I was a porn addict, to the highest degree.
    Nope, I when I'm outside I avoid psubs. It's always on my mind.
    Yes they are. Last July, I relapsed due to a movie which had sex scenes in it. Besides I can't view images of people. I get turned on by anything. Commercials have those shampoo ads that show women in a sexual manner.
    Pornography = audio, literature, images of sexually arousing nature. Yes it would be porn.
    I just want to have sex with real world women. If they want to have a relationship, fine. But I won't initiate it.

    I even have to control my own thoughts. Rebooting was hard but I've finally rebooted. Way harder than a drug addiction.
     
  10. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    All you want to do it have sex with women, but never see their form, constantly get aroused and have overgeneralised what porn is to the point of making day-to-day life difficult...what do you think of talking with a sex therapist?
    I have greatly benefited from counselling and would highly recommend it, especially if your views on what constitutes porn is impacting your daily life.
     
  11. RedPillRebooter

    RedPillRebooter Fapstronaut

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  12. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    Are you though? You just made a post where it sounded like you might as well grow old and die, sad and alone. That's no good for anyone - we're social critters.
     
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  13. RedPillRebooter

    RedPillRebooter Fapstronaut

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    My pornography addiction was so bad and I was so depressed I wanted to kill myself. I can't describe the level of happiness I have now. I have never felt this happy. From age 16 to 20 I had PIED, Brain fog, and social anxiety ~ I could never get it up, I couldn't focus so my grades suffered, I was social anxious all the time. That's all over and I will never go back...

    I'll just have to find a girl who suits my lifestyle.
     
  14. Hey! Whats the reason behind you eliminate porn so much? I've read the posts above, but I still cant figure out why dont you try to view the world with your "new porn free eyes" I see you are almost on 300 days. Are you afraid of a relapse?
     
  15. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    This, to me, is the very extreme end result of NoFap that I don't believe anyone should get to.

    You simply cannot go through life viewing "any image of a woman" as porn. It's utterly absurd.

    What are you going to do when you come to have sex? "Sorry I can't have sex with you. This is just the same as watching porn but it's real life".

    It sounds to me like you've committed to this so hard that you're now terrified of anything which could throw you back into a relapse.

    You've gone 300 days, which is a colossal achievement.

    You've defeated the beast, and now it's time to get back to living a normal life.

    If you plan on going the rest of your life avoiding looking at women or getting aroused by anything you seen in the media or indeed in public, I'm afraid you're setting yourself up for a very sad and lonely existence.

    This sounds harsh but it's true.

    Now you've rebooted, you need to work on regaining your natural sexuality, and that means embracing your body's biological instincts, such as being turned on by women; be them in the media or on the street.

    You seem to have switched from one extreme to another; the first being an unhealthy porn habit, the latter being your belief that you need to avoid looking at all images of women in any form, and essentially turning yourself into an asexual robot.

    Being addicted to porn isn't healthy, but neither is suppressing your natural desires.

    Edit:

    Reading through your comments on here, and on your other threads, I cannot for the life of me work out what kind of guy you are.

    You sound like an asshole; just wanting to use girls as sex objects before disposing of them when you're done with them.

    Having drunk/meaningless sex with strangers is awesome, but it sounds like this is all you want out of life. There was a time in my life when this was all I wanted to do as well, but I soon grew tired of one night stands with bar skanks and got myself an amazing girlfriend who gives me better sex than any slut ever could.

    If this is just the stage of life you're at, have fun with it and enjoy it while it lasts.

    If however, this is truly how you view women, maybe you haven't recovered from PMO at all, because that's the kind of mentality towards women I have whilst watching.

    Or maybe you're just a bit of a dick (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), I just don't understand why you're trying to avoid psubs and movies etc if you're just going to continue viewing women as sex toys regardless.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2017
  16. RedPillRebooter

    RedPillRebooter Fapstronaut

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    Real sex with real women is good. It's pornography I'm afraid of.
    I quit PMOing to get rid of my PIED, brain fog, and social anxiety. Now that I can get it up in the first time in 4 years, you better believe I'll give it to any girl who wants it. Imagine have no sex drive, to having a very high sex drive. Of course all I wanna do is fuck.
    Ok, the reason why is because pornography was causing me PIED. I couldn't get it up for any girl. I didn't reboot to stop "objectifying women" and to support women's rights. I did it so real life sex could be pleasurable again.
    I never said "dispose of them when I'm done with them" I just said that what I want MOST from a women is sex. However if SHE wants a relationship then I'm cool with that. I won't push it though.
    I can get turned on by real world women in the street but I can't allow myself to be aroused by a picture. No offense, but I've been rebooting since late 2013. I know what works for me and what doesn't. BTW if your still looking at pictures, then your aren't rebooting properly. Why do you think I have 300 days and you have 3? Because I took it seriously.
     
  17. Not everyone who replapses is treating their recovery with a cavalier attitude. From reading your posts, you seem to have somehow muscled your way through recovery without any significant heart change. For example, in one post you stated that you simply want a woman who will lay in bed all day and have sex with you whenever you want. That doesn't sound like a person who has been reformed.

    Further I'd caution you to check your pride. I once was free from P and M for over 900 days. My pride led to small compromises that eventually caused me to stumble again. You may want to consider that before rubbing your streak in the face of others.
     
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  18. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    I understand that you're going to want to have sex all the time now you've got your sex drive back, that's only natural. Just know that no woman is going to respect you if all you want from them is sex. If your attitude going into a relationship is "Yeah if you want to", you're not gonna get very far, and I'm sure you'd end up cheating on her anyway so I doubt there'd be much point.

    It's cute that you think you know what is rebooting and what isn't. Just like you, I know what's best for me. I only joined NoFap very recently, hence my low number, not because I'm not taking it seriously. You NoFap vets make me laugh sometimes.

    Look man, I think you're a bit of a twat. You don't respect women at all and talk as though they all owe you sex now just because you've suddenly regained a sex drive. I've never had your problem, so I can't relate. We're obviously not going to agree with anything so I'm going to leave now.

    Good luck on your journey.
     
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  19. I'dpreferanonymity

    I'dpreferanonymity New Fapstronaut

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    Now, I'm not so sure you are being honest with yourself. Do you really think you can escape your demons just by hiding away in a closet because there might be even the slightest chance you might encounter something that makes you feel like turning away? You haven't conquered your addiction until you have resolved the trauma that continues to fill you with fear of encountering pornography again inadvertently. You may feel happier, safer, but you are not resilient, and should anything happen, you will break, again, and again, and again, and again.

    It is like a SJW in a "safe space," who, when it comes down to it, demands that every contrary voice be shutdown and destroyed because how dare they speak such things that I personally, and very sensitively, feel about? What are they to do in the real world, where challenges to everyday accepted norms are being challenged or attacked or re-evaluated? Just so, if you can't confront or be somewhere with a chance of confronting something that threatens to trigger a relapse and fully turn away from it then and there, even after 300+ days of preparation, you are not recovered and you have work to do.

    Taking an example from my own life, I had my first real encounter, desire to seek out and watch pornography when I was 16, and after a relatively brief battle (It took me about 16 weeks) I went on a hiatus for around 3 years. But was I actually better, recovered? Looking back then to now, I know I was not. I was easily, veeerry easily, triggered sexually, to the point where anything related to beauty and women could stir major emotions that I could barely keep a lid on.

    I remember I would walk past a statue on my college campus of a woman, sculpted like in a greek classical or neo-classical style, robed clearly, no nudity, posed with her hands gripped together and resting together at her right side waist, while her head was turned down-right looking at her hands. Most would just say it looked cute or attractive. For me? Every time I passed that statue by I had to advert my gaze. Why you ask? Because anytime I looked at it, my sexual drive would rev up to overdrive and punch me in the gullet.

    And it wasn't just that, it seemed that anything I found attractive blew up my sexual drive and caused me unbearable embarrassment and shame. Another time, a childhood friend, who was married and already had a kid, surprised me at the college library, which would have been great and joyous occasion if it wasn't for the fact that the first moment I saw her, my sexual drive kicks in again and my mind was flooded with thoughts of sex, embarrassing me as I struggled to suppress what was going through my mind and try to keep a decent conversation without revealing what was really happening to me. Can you call this recovery, even with a long term of sobriety? I would not.

    As I write this, the pain I had forgotten then comes back into foreground: extreme bitterness, shame, and anger. I cannot believe what was going through my head, how I could ever think that way about someone I cared about, who was married, who had her child right in front of me! I have used up my recent years wasted away, betraying every thing I know, because of my addiction to PMO. All I want to find a woman and get married but I know there is no way in hell that is going to happen because I am addicted, very strongly addicted.

    And I am still struggling to find resolve to keep trying, regardless of how many periods of sobriety, and how long my sobriety have been in the past. Right now, I am back into darker depths and trying to find reason enough to stop, to come away from the brink, as my addiction, ever looming, pulls me further down. I feel split, one side of me feeling just fine with it, and the other terrified as hell.

    You can't avoid your addiction, it comes to you and will, one way or another, grab your attention no matter how you try to avoid it. It will come through to you, even through things not risqué. But it is not the fault of these things that your addiction is riled up again, the true fault lies within, and until you conquer that beast within, you cannot recover from addiction. That being the case, it is not reasonable to avoid things that are not risqué. You should not avoid your girlfriend, who is deserving of the emotions you now suppress.
     
  20. Vilcox

    Vilcox Fapstronaut

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    I can never have a normal relationship either, simply because I am not interested in having a life.
     
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