I'm a mess

Well,

You are not a mess. You are still young. The world you live in might be the cause. Only your penis/body/mind will tell you who you are. Not Internet porn watching.
Cure yourself of the internet porn. Learn to detect what arouses you in the real world.
I realize that you haven't had real sex yet. But even then, you say that you like guys. Maybe it's because you do.
A LOT of people on here have been watching porn that they didn't want to watch. The search for novelty got them to find something new, different, sometimes embarrassing and humiliating. But in 2016, really, go for what you like, need, be yourself.

I'm a catholic myself, but I don't practice. God doesn't judge. Religious people sometimes judge. Your parents might judge???? You need to please the mamma? I speak to my mom 4-5 times a year on skype and I haven't talked to my dad in 3 years. They didn't like the fact that my wife was older than me.
You need to re-gain confidence in yourself and find out if you are hetero, homo or bi. Only you will find the answer to that question. Its very important. If you date and marry a girl to prove the world that you're an heterosexual but you end up having a preference for men, you and the poor girl will suffer. Don't do that!!!

That religious guilt you feel is a problem that might lead you to a lot of suffering. A lot of Catholics stopped practicing their religion because of that.
I never thought I would one day say this to somebody, but you might need to find a young man just like you, test the ground and see for yourself if its for you or not.

There is a lot of homosexuals that married a women to save their "public image", but lived their homosexuality behind closed doors. That's sad. There is men that married women to make themselves believe that they aren't gay, or to try to convert themselves by being with a women. Then, they suffer. The ladies suffer too. Real sex is bad in these cases, the lady eventually suffers from low self-esteem.

The help you need is this: Live your life without being told what to do, where you go, what kind of sexuality you have to embrace....maybe you are a BI and you want to sit on the fence!

Try to have fun and learn about yourself. But once you know what orientation you have and what you like, acceptation is the only way.

 

Yup, I call Internet porn "science fiction". A lot of depiction of people accepting to be treated like objects. They do it for money. There is nasty stuff out there and it makes you wonder what is the real % of adults actually performing these acts in the intimacy of their bedroom.

 

I can say you are not a mess. You came to NoFap to deal with this porn addiction. The first step is done. Recognize this! An there is nothing wrong in being gay (or bi, or hetero), being a virgin and being catholic. The only wrong thing that I see is the addiction of porn. And for me, in your case, I think you can´t stop because your sexuality has taken a big role in your life and you, for protection, pushed these conflicts into porn. When you say “Why was I doing those things? Why am I still doing? Well, one of the reasons is because I am virgin.”. No, for me is because you find in porn a place to hide your feelings and to explore your sexuality. And believe me, porn is not the place do this. Porn just makes things worse. And porn has nothing to do with reality!

We, as humans, need sexuality to exist. And when I say this, I’m not talking about sex, I am talking about the way we interact with things and with ourselves. It seems you are having a big fight with you lately. Stop this. You´ve got be your friend. Listen to yourself. Love yourself. This world has enough suffering, you don´t need to be your enemy. There is no logic in this.

About your sex orientation, don´t panic. You are discovering what you like. Don´t be afraid of it. You are young and have a lot to discover. Don´t think that all you know about sex and desire is what you have now. No, it is something complex that improves during the time. This is something that never closes. I think is sad when you identify that being a virgin is a bad thing, contributes for the mess. Why? You have your time, and no individuals are the same. Keep calm and get strong first.

About being a catholic, that is great that you have faith. And believe me, God loves you. He doesn´t care what your sex orientation is, as long as you are a nice, etic and responsible person.

Well, beside these considerations, quitting porn will make you came back to reality and stop fantasizing. Start that! Get a counter (just click on my counter to set up yours) and do this! I know you can! And if you need any help, i´m here!