I'm beyond a dangerous level now with this addiction

In summary, my penis shape has changed I've got peyronie's disease or something like that. I don't care anymore. Ive lost everything over the last few years no social life no desire to get better due to depression. I am waiting on a hospital appointment to have It checked but I have no idea when this will be. I feel like I can control my addition but it's got to the point where randomly I still start watching porn and masturbating aggressively even if it hurts i push through it because I want the orgasm at the end, I haven't had a hard straight penis in a long time I feel it's. Beyond save so I give in to the urge, I have the urges but it's my mind wanting it and my penis is not able to keep up or cope with normal masturbating any longer. I can stop for a few days but that's it.. I am just lost and no idea how to stop