I was able to do nofap for up five days after my last long streak. I don't want this. I'm so bored of this. I don't want to watch femdom, sissy, trans. I was able to recover. I'm trying this for three years. I think I'm incompent. I'm relax and live as recovered. I waste time. I lost my seriousness.
You know what must be done, examine what your triggers are, what slippery slopes lead you to feel like you’re hijacked, and pull yourself out of those situations, before you lose control. Easier said than done, I know because I’ve felt stuck in that relapse “hell-hole” badly for over a year now. You know how it goes probably, the cycle of sobriety, to binging, to re-committing and falling again, moments of giving up, feeling lonely unworthy, disgusting & broken. It’s a downward spiral and feels like drastic regression and corruption. My last dirty relapse was not even 2 days ago, and believe me it was a nasty binge. The chaser effect is no joke, this addiction itself is evil tbh. It’s warped/distorted my perception, my thoughts, arousal template, and who knows what else, the fuckery is crazy… But fck all the negativity, use it all as a learning experience. No matter the situation, something can be learned from it, whether it’s awareness, a lesson, perspective, strategy, empathy, understanding, etc. In these 3.5 years of consciously knowing about “NoFap” etc, one of the important things that I’ve learned which ties in to basically almost anything is that nothing in this life is linear, so don’t hold unrealistic expectations. Forgive yourself, and be loving kind and compassionate with yourself. Doing that will not only benefit you, but it will reflect outwards externally in every facet of your life as well.
