I'm rarely binging, but I don't know if that is maybe making me relapse more often?

It came to my attention recently that binging is the absolute worst thing you can do. The longer you binge the worse the damage is. I don't know how it took me so long to realise this.

I used to be an extreme binger on PMO. I used to literally just edge jacking off to porn all day every day.

Then over the last year I have went through a lot of streaks and a lot of relapses. My longest streaks were up to a month and things like that, and then 2 week streaks, week streaks and things like that. I went through all the severe withdrawal lots of different times on my journey. Thankfully I can say I don't really get those withdrawal symptoms any more.

But the thing was even though I used to get these streaks, basically every time I would relapse I was binging on PMO for an entire day or for days. Then I would go back to getting week long streaks again. It was always usually after these binges I would begin to feel these withdrawal symptoms a few days after I was clean again. But they gradually got less and less over time. Basically over time if I got the withdrawal it was less severe and didn't last anywhere near as long.

But like I said recently it came to my attention that binging is the absolute worst thing you can do. So Basically now after I relapse once I try to stop, and for the most part it has really been working for me. On average I would say I was relapsing once a fortnight and then PMOing for around an hour, and then not relapsing again for another 2 weeks or week. Now I know an hour is still quite long, but it doesn't compare to all day or for days straight, which is something I seem to have always done. But something I have noticed recently is because I am maybe relapsing between half an hour to an hour once and then not using again, over the last few weeks I seem to be returning to PMO quicker, basically not getting as long streaks. So it started I was returning to it around once a fortnight, then once a week, and then this week I have relapsed 2 different days this week, so only getting streaks of around 3 days and then relapsing again.

I want to continue getting long streaks. But when you logically think about it how many hours out the entire month am I relapsing? Maybe 4 or 5 hours out an entire month? But when I was always binging when I relapsed it would of easily been over 20 hours in a month, probably longer.

The thing is the withdrawal isn't returning, the PIED isn't returning. I remember hearing a good youtuber who knows a lot about this issue say intermittent porn use is dangerous for porn addicts. But the reason he said intermittent porn use is dangerous for porn addicts is because before they know it they will be back binging again, they will basically go back to old behaviours again before they know it. So that comes across like he's saying intermittent porn use isn't all that bad, but it is for porn addicts simply because they will go back to old behaviours and be PMOing all the time again.

Well I guess recently I have been using porn intermittently. But I am quite lucky my best friend is the administrator of my laptop and holds the password to the administrators account and the password to all the blockers. It's quite a strict blocking system where I can hardly see much that would cause relapse. But I can go to my friends house who lives a mile away from where I live and get him to unblock everything if I want. I don't usually do this, but have been doing it slightly more recently. But basically after I relapse once I block everything again. I have a strict mindset I will never binge the way I used to. The longest I will allow my self to relapse in a session is one hour, and everything will be blocked again after that. I also don't use a smart phone.

But yeah basically I feel like this never binging the way I used to is really benefiting me. But on the other hand recently I feel like my streaks aren't as long because of this.

I'm not really feeling much if any negative effects from relapsing recently. Where as before I would get all those withdrawals after I relapsed, and the severe PIED would return and things like that. But feeling no negative effects from relapsing seems quite dangerous. It's basically making me think the occasional relapse is fine. I don't want to go in to this way of thinking.

I'm actually hardly thinking about pornfree and nofap anymore, which I have to say is a relief to me, as I was absolutely obsessed with it for a long time. I was obsessing about it all day everyday for a long time.

But I think because recently I am not feeling much negative effects from the occasional relapse, it just seems to of made me stop obsessing about all this stuff. It feels like a bit of a relief if I am being honest.

 

Thanks man.

Can I just say I don't actually want to relapse. I try not to relapse. But for some reason I feel like not binging the way I used to is somehow making me not get as long streaks. After I have relapsed once everything is blocked again.

But when you compare the two of these it's getting longer streaks but binging on PMO for an entire day or even days sometimes vs not getting as long streaks but relapsing on PMO for at most an hour. So when you look at how long I have spent relapsing in a month between the two of these, one would be around 4 or 5 hours in a month, and another would be over 20 hours in a month.

Like I said I don't want to relapse at all. But I feel like over the last while my porn use has returned to a more normal level, if there is such a thing. But what I mean by that is my porn usage has returned more closely to the level of people who never develop a pore addiction, who never develop PIED, but who still occasionally use porn.

Like I said I never want to relapse. But it's a strange feeling experiencing basically no negative effects from occasionally using it. But the worry is I don't know if this is making me return to it easier.

I am not obsessing about pornfree and nofap the way I used to. Which if I am being honest I am grateful for, as it was my main focus in life for a long time, and I was obsessing about it all day everyday for a long time.

 

I never really plan on using it. Most of the time I relapse is when I have a hangover from alcohol.

I have a lot of issues with alcohol and do think I could be an alcoholic. I don't drink every day, but I would say I drink about two days a week, drinking about a half bottle of Jack Daniels in a night. But some weeks I go out with friends and this always leads to quite an extreme amount of alcohol.

For some reason hangovers massively increase my sexual arousal and make me want to binge on PMO all day. The worse the hangover the more horny I seem to be, and the worse the binge. Recently though when I have been hungover I have been managing to relapse once and then stop.