Hey NoFappers, I just need to say how sick and tired I am of going around this same mountain over and over again. From the age of 9 right up to my current age of 22, I have been addicted to Porn and Masturbation. In the last 2 years, this addiction has led me to seek out real life sexual encounters. My addiction to PMO started when I simply googled some sexual words I heard some kids talking about at my primary school. It started with images. It moved on to videos. And I watched all kinds of Porn (straight, gay, lesbian), they all gave me pleasure. At one point, sexual videos alone weren't enough for me. So I went on to include cyber sex into my regular routine (c2c with guys online). That seemed to give me a thrill for a while. At one point, all these things on my computer screen weren't good enough for me. I had to experience the 'real' thing. So I found an app that connected me to guys for NSA fun. In the last 2 years, I have had a few guys who have blown me. On 3 occasions I has blown them back, but didn't like it so much. Note: I know for sure that I'm more straight than gay. I've just found that its easier to find guys to do sexual things with than it is to find girls to do the same. Note: I'm still a virgin in the respect that I have not had sexual intercourse with a guy or girl. The extent of my 'real' life experience goes to having oral sex with a few guys. There's always that temptation to push the boundaries further every time. I'm really trying to save sexual intercourse for my future wife. I am caught in this vicious cycle where I wait for a certain day or date or time to quit PMO and oral sex. That lasts for one week, 2 at most, then I go right back to square one. I have some weird habits as well, where if I get off to gay porn I have to follow by getting off to straight porn as well. I can't end my session with gay porn only. I sometimes have to masturbate 2-5 times during the day just so that the temptation to watch porn, or that the temptation to meet up with guys for oral sex, will go away. I really want to be free from these sexual addictions- virtual and real. I am tired of feeling all the guilt, shame, and condemnation that follows doing all these things. I'm so sick of this. I read all these success stories of guys who have overcome their addiction to PMO, and other sexual addictions. I find it hard to believe sometimes, knowing that guys are born with such strong sex drives. Is it really possible to quit watching Porn? Is it really possible to quit masturbating? Is it really possible to stop all forms of sexual activity? Does the struggle ever cease? Or is this something we must fight every day of our lives until the day we die? thecamfam
