My back-story in a nutshell... When I was 6 years old I looked up my first grade teacher's dress. It wasn't long after this that I discovered the swimsuit and lingerie sections of the JC Penney catalog, as well as erotic passages in my mother's romance novels. Shortly after I hit puberty, I began taking this crap into the bathroom to masturbate to. Not having access to porn, I drew nude tracings of Ms. Buxley and Blondie from the newspaper, as well as of the catalog models. I saw my first porn magazine at 14 or so. I burned it a few days later. By the time I reached 18 I had been exposed to a few more dirty magazines and one VHS porn video. I confessed some of this to my religious leader and was able to stop for over a year. I credit much prayer and scripture study, and my level of spirituality at the time, to my success in doing so. I eventually relapsed into MO behavior and in 1997 I found porn on the internet. I have been PMO'ing ever since, though I've tried to stop several times, even confessing to this behavior again to clergy. I married my wife in my early 20's. We have kids and a very happy marriage, and somewhat active (twice a week) sex life. She has no idea I carry this "dark passenger". I'm almost 40. I'm here because I'm a user, I'm addicted to this shit, and I need help. I know I will battle this until the day I die. I do not want to spend the second half of my life in this hell. I believe in the redeeming power of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I know he loves me. I know he'll help me and forgive me. But I am so weak right now. I have a goal to reach 90 days without P or M. My other goals are to read the scriptures and pray constantly, limit screen time and exercise daily. I look forward to being able to lean on you all. I need your strength and support.
We are all here, working through God to be your stepping stones, and guide you along your path. Reach out whenever you feel the need to. You are very strong to come here and share your story, and to commit to living the best life you can live. Be strong, have self discipline, and in every moment choose to create the best version of you. You have a choice in every moment to live as your past self, or to let go of the baggage and create a new you right now! Keep us updated!
