Introduction: Hard Mode or not?

Hey everyone. I'll start with a bit of an introduction.

My porn addiction started when I was 11, so it's been half my life. It's been rough. All the way up until I was 16 I didn't even realize it was a problem until I tried to quit for religious reasons... and then I realized what a hold it had on me. Through prayer and self discipline I was able to quit for almost 4 years with no relapses: no PMO, no peeking, no edging, nothing. I was single during this time, and after a period of terrible depression and some casual-ish dating, I actually relapsed the day after I met the woman who is my wife today. I haven't had longer than a 9 day streak since my big relapse, and that's coming up on 3 years ago. 3 years of binges, self-loathing, promises, failures, and frustration. My wife has been supportive, but it's taken a toll on our intimacy, and it's negatively impacted every other aspect of my life in ways I'm sure every member of this forum is familiar with. My confidence, my productivity, my mood, you name it. I'm preaching to the choir on that one.

My first child is due in a number of weeks, and it's made me realize that I can't keep passively hoping for this to end. I can't keep ineffectively wrestling with my urges and taking a half-hearted approach to quitting. I've read the science, I know my triggers, I've had accountability partners, I've had filters, I've lurked on nofap and fightthenewdrug for quite some time, I've used habit-trackers and such apps, etc. I quit once before... so I know the drill, and the bottom line is this; I've just been putting it off.

"I'll quit again eventually."

"I had a good streak, I can break it this once, next time will be better."

"I don't need support; I don't need to change my daily habits or lifestyle choices, I just need to be stronger next time the urge hits."

-- The list goes on. All justifications for not taking real action, and not making efforts to really change my outlook and my habits in a way that will have an effect. So today I'm here with all the bushy-tailed determination of someone in the 'promises and resolutions' stage of the addiction cycle, but acknowledging full well that I'm gonna hit rock bottom again and relapse countless more times before I get anywhere, and that's okay... because I'm making a real effort now to see this through, and I'm going to get rid of this demon in my life again, once and for all this time.

Now for my question. This is mainly directed at fapstronauts who have SO's, because as I said I'm a married man. Can you share some insight for me regarding Hard Mode? A lot of times PIV has saved me from a relapse when the urge is particularly strong, but other times the urge to PM is even stronger afterward (and not for lack of quality, trust me). It's like they're two completely separate parts of my brain; satisfying one doesn't satisfy the other necessarily, but stimulating one can arouse the other and that has actually contributed to my downfall. So I'd like to hear your opinions and testimony. Has a deliberate Hard-Mode reboot been measurably more effective for you than just cutting out PM, but staying active with your partner? What are some hands-on, down to earth benefits of Hard Mode, and what are some drawbacks aside from the obvious? I want to get some discussion on this so I can better plot my course.

Thanks in advance.

 

Thanks D. J.

So after some more reading, apparently what I'm talking about is called the Chaser Effect. (PIV being followed by an insanely strong urge to fap after a number of hours or days.) It's apparently a very common problem for people trying to just abstain from PM. I think I am going to have to try Hard Mode for the first 90 days at least. I'll have to talk to my wife about it, but I'm pretty sure that's where it's headed.

@AscendRestore, I would probably recommend Hard Mode for you too especially since you're only casually dating right now. A lot of research shows that not putting out can help to form stronger relationships, make women far more attracted to you, and keep romance alive longer. I also have religious reasons for suggesting you abstain, but that's personal I understand. Let me just say my wife and I abstained, and it was very rewarding. So with that in mind, and the avoidance of the Chaser Effect, I think that might be your best option too.

Thanks guys.