It's not my mind, it's my body...

Hi Folks,

I found this community by suggestion of a priest during confession. It's always nice to have a confessor that helps you form an action plan.

I am about to turn 39 years old (maybe I should say 38 and not rush things!) and have hoped to stop masturbating since I was in college. I remember the first time I successfully orgasmed. I was just finishing my eighth grade year. I felt dirty the next day and couldn't look my mother in the eye, but I quickly made routine of it. It wasn't really until I was dumped by my girlfriend in college that I felt I should stop. I'm not sure what came over me, but I felt like God was telling me it would forever hurt my relationships. I was not successful.

I have tried many times to stop, but the last time was over ten years ago when I tried to give it up for a Lenten fast. That didn't work, and I was unable to cope with the guilt, distancing myself from God rather than enlisting His support. I was already married at this point as well, and I still am.

What makes nofap so difficult isn't the mind (for me). I have plenty that I love to do that takes up much more mental real estate than masturbation. The problem is the "tingle" sensation in my genitals that I simply cannot ignore. Right now I am one week without masturbation, but on the third day of the unceasing sensation. In previous attempts at abstinence I was not able to get past the first day. I decided to join nofap dot kom in search of support.

Does anybody else have this sensation as a challenge? It literally feels like somebody is touching me. Is there an end to it?

Porn
I count myself blessed. I watched porn every day for a decade. One day I just became disgusted by it, making it very easy to stop. I know that it is not so easy for others, and I pray for you. Mind you, I had an aggressive porn habit. I had progressed to almost exclusively gay porn (some trans) as I really needed something outside of my own turn-ons. It was an interesting progression that never made sense as I have never been attracted to a man.

Now if only that same aversion would work with masturbation. The aversion is there, but this sensation is, ahem, "driving me nuts."

 

I don't want to speak too soon, but as soon as I submitted this, the sensation subsided. Maybe it will get easier? Until now I have reason to believe that it IS NOT POSSIBLE to stop masturbating, or "relieving the tension." If that sensation stops in my genitals, I can do this without burning up.

I should say that the Covid-19 epidemic and its subsequent lockdown is not the best timing for me to commit to my goal of abstinence form masturbation. But on the other hand, it has me very much spiritually focused. This is time for me to feel intimacy with God.

 

Thanks so much, "HelpMe."

Today it is mostly in my mind, and very difficult to not think about. The sensation returned, but much weaker. I hope that it is like withdrawal symptoms and they will subside over time.

I wish that I could identify a trigger, but it's more like a root virus constantly working in the background. Life itself is a trigger.

Just talking about it is helping me though. I was afraid to make that first post. The internet can be a very judgy place. It's nice to have support.

 

Well, I'm doing a little better today. The sensation is constant, but subsided a bit. HelpMe describe it as a mosquito bite is really on point. And just like mosquito bites, ignoring them never made the sensation go away. Nevertheless, I have shown more strength these last few days than I have in my entire life. There were times when I thought about giving in, but this was the first time I felt that I might let others down (you folks) if I do.

QParadigm, if it gets as bad as it was, I'm seriously considering the ice. I'm studying aviation ground school right now and it's not enough of a distraction. Silencing my mind kind of helped though. Maybe I should try meditation.