I've gone too long thinking it's a part of who I am

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Hawaii_Jake, Feb 20, 2016.

  1. Hawaii_Jake

    Hawaii_Jake New Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    I'm Jake. I'm 23 years old, and I've struggled terribly with PMO and the guilt associated with it. I've on average masturbated probably 3 times a day since I was 13 or 14, typically to pornography. I desire to give up PMO completely on both secular and religious reasons. I've actually been a Christian missionary for the last two and a half years, participating and LEADING international mission trips ranging from 3-11 months. The extreme amounts of guilt I've had over PMO coupled with an even far worse feeling of guilt for leading this double life of being a good Christian while consumed by PMO and supposedly being a good example of living a Christian life has lowered my self esteem greatly.

    I have been able to go 2 weeks - 1 month without masturbating over the past couple years, but that's when I'm places where I can't access Internet and am living in very close Christian community. Even on the trips, when living with up to 20 others, I find a time and place to masturbate away from everyone else. And when I'm at home, I stuggle to go three days without it. I've realized recently that For years, I've had the mentality that PMO is a part of who I am, and that I can't change. That I'll be like this forever, and I'll forever live alone. I want help, I need help. I am willing to pour my heart and soul into this fight. I honestly don't know that I really do believe that I can be different. But I'm going to fight like hell.
     
  2. calo9025

    calo9025 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Jake,

    You're not alone. I am struggling just like you. I was able to go a month at one point but now it's hard for me to go more than a week.

    I have the same things go through my head too. Especially the forever alone part. Keep fighting man. Don't give up.
     
  3. genesis

    genesis New Fapstronaut

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    'The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step' ~ Lao Tzu

    You are not the only one with those thoughts my friend. Its natural for us to beat ourselves down. That's where we need to stick to the fight. Don't give up. Just think of all the other challenges that you've overcome in your life and draw the strength and the belief from that!
     
  4. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    You have full control over your actions. Once you realize that it's not a part of who you are, but in fact keeping you away from who you really are (as any addiction does), you will be ready to take responsibility and say no for good. It can come in three years, it can come tomorrow, it can come today. In my case, it occured so quickly that I hardly knew what was happening and now I've been P and M free for more than seven months. Good luck on your journey! Signing up to NoFap is a great first step.
     
  5. Saturdaze

    Saturdaze Fapstronaut

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    I too am a Christian and have struggled with PMO for 12 years. The greatest length of time I went without PMO was 96 days. I believe that we can work through this and get free of PMO. Have you conisdered going to SA (sexaholics anonymous) or SAA (sex addicts anonymous). I have been going for a year and have found it really helpful. Also, check our yourbrainonporn.com - lots of helpful info. You might want to join the Christian group that is on this site too - lots of great encouragement there.
     

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