Hey, guys. I'll try to keep it brief, but I guess it's good to take my time since it keeps me away from myself, so to speak. I'm a sad, lonely, 23-year-old virgin with an addiction to watching people abuse one another. No sugar coating. I'm sick of being pathetic. I discovered my addiction two years ago now, during the single worst relationship I have ever endured. PIED and really, truly messed up thoughts on top of low self-esteem and crippling anxiety just... it nearly killed me. But that was then. I've been trying -- and failing -- to quit ever since. Or, I say I have. But have I really? I've never gone longer than two weeks without abusing myself. I recently caught myself having those same disturbing thoughts I had two years ago, and I just can't bear it anymore. That's not me. This stuff I'm watching compulsively... I find it repulsive. I'm not tolerating this anymore. I'm deeply unhappy. Eternally disappointed in myself. I can't get motivated for anything. I have no energy. I'm watching my friends and former classmates live incredible lives, and I'm in a dark room watching people degrade themselves to make me feel slightly better about my crappy one. I will do anything to stop this. I deserve better than pixels. We all do. Today, I relapsed. I've since put a number of porn blockers on my computer -- all with passwords I don't know; I've removed incognito mode from the browsers; my friend has disabled the web browser on my phone with a passcode I don't know. I'm determined. I don't want to go back. I want to live. I can't wait to get to know you guys. It means the world to not be alone in this. Thanks, Jimmy (not my real name, but...)
We are all in this together. Being new to this myself, I hesitate to really offer anything other than talking to us here, in this forum. Take it one day at a time, don't forget that this is a marathon and not a sprint.
i felt like this for 2 years a month ago before i started no alco/cigarettes/NoFap. Today this state is gone.
Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you. The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
Thank you, friend. It's good to meet you. Good to hear! And good on you for taking on three vices! You deserve better, my friend. Thanks D.J. Being freelance, I work from home a lot so the only strategy is to leave very little time to myself. I hit the gym every morning (not weekends); I have a stack of books to get through; things I want to write; I can go for a walk; I can meditate. I basically have a list of things I can do should an urge kick up. If things get especially difficult, I can take my work with me and do it somewhere public where I have no access to the internet. I've also set up a 'punishment' scheme for relapses. Every relapse costs me £10, which will go to charity at the end of the month (a good cause). Being freelance, that's a very good discourager because I need that money. And I have to tell my friend when I relapse. Which is something I very much don't want to talk about with anyone.
