I want to do nofap but when I don't jerk off I wind up on escorts sites for hours being tempted and teasing myself and resisting, then going back and resisting again etc. After about a week of not ejaculating I go crazy and I want to fuck and end up with the phone in my hand about to book an appointment with an escort and then I quickly release myself to avoid doing that because I know it could have devastating consequences on my health. At the same time I really do not want to ejaculate because I want to fuck that girl so bad so when I am about to call I have to rationalize and repeat to myself ''it's the right thing to do, it's the right thing to do'' and then completely fap, after that at least the threat of escorts is gone since I was satisfied and I will not catch some crazy disease that will fuck my life up forever. Escorts are my immediate go to whenever I need sex, my first time having sex was with an escort I was 18 and it was hell in school I was being bullied, I was bullied at home by my dad, hell even my friends bullied me so my confidence level was non existent and at that time my sister was escorting so I had the idea to call an escort and of course got addicted to it, still today my first reflex when I need sex is to seek escorts, I do not even have the slightest idea how to flirt I never had to. So yeah I am kind of stuck in that circle and it's reaaaaaally hard to resist because I work from home on my computer and I live alone so it's pretty damn easy to end up on porn or escort sites. I am also generally unhappy, I have a stressful health problem that cause anxiety every time I go to the bathroom (ulcerative colitis) and my life generally sucks, its pathetic but I kinda feel like waking is all I have that keep me going. I don't know how I can make it really. How the hell can one kick off the habbit? I remember when I first started jerking off as a kid, it started with bra magazines, then naked chicks pictures and magazines, then blurred porn, then porn, then escorts along with porn. I am thinking of trying to do the reverse thing, maybe it could be manageable this way? Any thoughts?
@Tobo there are better things you can do to keep your self happy. I am glad you are looking for solutions and I think people who acknowledge they have an issue are more likely to find solution than people who deny it and you definitely belong to the former. Depending on the severity of issue you may want to consult a therapist as nofap deals with porn addiction but I am not sure if it helps with issues related to escorts. It is like you are forced to choose between two evils which sucks but I am sure there is a better way to handle this situation and definitely your choices are not limited to porn or escorts. As far as dating is concerned you can try online dating which gives you more options and is little more forgiving when compared face to face interactions. I work from home too and I know how you feel about it. If you can try to work from starbucks or even public library. Depending on the city you live in you can rent office spaces which may cost something but that will get you out of your routine and initially just changing the routine it self helps to think clearly. I encourage you to come here more often whether you work with a therapist or not as expressing your feelings will definitely makes you feel little better. I wish you good luck.
I'm facing almost the same dilemma: do I stop fapping and start hitting hookers? Fapping is obviously safer than banging hookers, and provides instant gratification. But it is more addictive and just doesn't feel right. I'm thinking it's time I reduced jerking off and started dating....and see how that goes. Good luck to you.
Man you'll get there, dont worry so much, worrying feeds into and drives your need for escorts. Do you want to know what the crux of the problem is? You dont know how to soothe yourself when you get stressed or sad or whatever. Self soothing is something you learn very early as a child from your parents, but a lot of people never learned this skill because their parents didnt know how to soothe themselves. Its passed from one generation to the next. But the great thing is you see it all and when you see it like that you can break the cycle once and for all. But you have to take responsibility for your own soothing now. I know that sucks because really it wasnt your fault, your parents are the ones who didnt provide for your needs and that wasnt fair on you. Its not fair but at the same time you have been handed this burden to carry in life but burdens are really gifts, theyre opportunities to grow and become the person you were meant to become. You have a choice, you can allow this to destroy you or you can use it as a way to grow and overcome the bad hand you were dealt. Addiction and especially porn addiction is down to childhood trauma. You need to start to face up to the things that happened when you were a child, you have to face that pain. The urges are nothing more than your pain wanting to be felt, but you dont see that because you get caught up so quickly and act out. When you make a decision to walk this path to recovery you'll get there and the way will be opened to you as you go along. Talk therapy is..........well you could talk for 10 years and only get so far. Start reading up about childhood trauma an neglect, theres a book by Dr Bessel van der kolk called The body keeps the score. Your body holds all the trauma that you never got to process and everytime you feel stress or sadness or a lot of emotions really, you act out to soothe yourself. Your job in a nutshell is to become aware of that trauma and feel it. If you do that the urge to act out will be gone forever. Read the book, but start to tune in to how you feel when that urge hits you. I know it can seem all consuming and you dont know whether youre coming or going when that urge hits but the only way to come out of this is to take responsibility for yourself in that moment and tune in to how you feel. Even if you just stop and ask, How do I really feel? If you do that you will lay the first brick of the house you're going to build. It doesnt matter if you dont feel anything, thats ok, just keep doing it, everytime the urge hits, ask that question. Pretty soon you will gain some space between the urge and acting out. You'll see that you do have a choice and you dont have to jerk off or go see an escort. You can choose to feel the pain you never felt and learn from it. Your pain contains your growth, and your pain contains your victory. Dont run from it. You have to be willing to allowing that pain to enter. Its counter intuitive I know, usually you run from pain, but to get out of this and come through it you gotta turn around, stop running away, open yourself up and allow it the pain to envelope you. My advice is to find a therapist who specialises in EMDR. Its the quickest way to access trauma in your body. Like I said, conventional talk therapy only goes so deep and things like Cognitive behavorial therapy are just ways to fire fight. To get to the real source of your suffering you need to get into your body and to do that you need to take responsibility for your healing. Dont become another chump who blows his money on hookers, you have the strength within you to heal this and recover and have a great life. But like I said, you have to take responsibility for the things you do and think and feel.
You know I think the only way is to stop it all together. If you spend hours looking for esscorts and then jerk off you are training your brain to like to the excitement of looking for escorts. It is exciting, I have done it myself for many hours. Seeing escorts is also exciting in a way that sex with a regular girl is not. But, when you leave the escort and come down from the temporary high you are still alone, so it sucks.
Spending all that money on hookers would turn me off of it unless you got a ton of cash to burn which all but 1% of the population doesn't have. Blowing your savings, and losing possessions for hookers is no good all that money is being spent on cocaine and other useless garbage. I would deal with it the same way you deal with POM. Stop doing it, and as time goes by it will get easier to resist the urge to do it. You expressed the desire to stop doing it, so it sounds like you have a compulsion to do something even though you actually don't want to do it. The way to get over that is to go cold turkey and stop doing that behavior.
