Looking for a girlfriend while addicted to pmo is selfish

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by 1231philip, Dec 15, 2015.

  1. 1231philip

    1231philip Fapstronaut

    I'm writing this post not because i need help or advice with anything but more to put these thoughts down to clarify them in my own mind.
    Im 20 years old and single, Im not the worst looking guy around(not the best either) and Im friendly. I know right now there are a few girls in my life that would go out with me if I asked, and would love to ask one of them out.
    Here's why I havnt... It would be ultimatelly selfish for me to ask a girl out before i've completed recovery. Id be asking a girl to start a relationship that would be damaged from the start.
    You don't start a roadtrip with a flat tire, or run a race without preparing yourself first. So why would start a relationship which is so much more precious then those things when your entire addiction is based off of objectifying women instead of listening to them and cultivating a beautiful friendship them?
    So... until I finish recovery i cant, in good conscience, start a relstionship.
    I looking forward to the day when i can ask a girlfriend out and not have to worry about what she might see on my phone. Or with the constant knowledge that Im keeping something from her. Until then, by God's grace i strive to be a better person.

    Im rooting for You all.
  2. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

    How do you know they aren't "damaged" as well?
    Low, WarriorScarr and Deleted Account like this.
  3. Dogwood

    Dogwood Fapstronaut

    Relationships can help keep your brain balanced, so don't rule them out. Just keep your phone clean. :)
    XPiRED and ICleansedMe like this.
  4. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    I kind of agree with 1231philip, in that even though I've come a long way since trying to quit, I'm not ready to take that next step. I still have a lot to work on personally and want to be more grounded before committing to a relationship. Now if something were to happen I wouldn't turn it down because I'm in recovery, but I'm not focused solely on obtaining a girlfriend right now.
    CrisNet, WarriorScarr and 1231philip like this.
  5. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

    Maybe she would help you.
  6. avatarivn

    avatarivn Fapstronaut

    I think @Dogwood is right about not avoiding dates. As you menction, having a relationship with a girl you see more as an object than as a real person might not be morally correct, and still, I consider part of the recovery is recognizing those thought patterns and correct them in the real life.
    XPiRED likes this.
  7. 1231philip

    1231philip Fapstronaut

    Everyone is damaged to a certain extent. To be the best you can possibly be for your significant other is what the aim is and if you're addicted to PMO you're holding yourself back from that and hurting your relationship. Not to mention the fact that Everyone time you watch porn you're cheating.
  8. 1231philip

    1231philip Fapstronaut

    That may be true, but I dont think j could even ask a girl out without feeling guilty if im addicted to PMO...
  9. 1231philip

    1231philip Fapstronaut

    You can still recognize those patterns and correct them without having a girlfriend though...
  10. 1231philip

    1231philip Fapstronaut

    Maybe, yes. But NoFap isn't about getting a girlfriend, it's about doing what's right and making yourself a better person.
    NoBrainer likes this.
  11. I 100% agree with this post,we have to take care of ourselves first before we can invite anyone into our lives.In that way we can be grounded and solely focused on our purpose in life.We as addicts turn porn because we are running away from the ability to feel and deal with the daily issues of life.Its becoming more apparent to me that I have to deal with this first before finding anyone, as much as I would like to have a woman by my side to support me in all of this,I have to do this alone.
    1231philip likes this.
  12. Red Eagle

    Red Eagle Fapstronaut

    I can see why the TE considers it to be selfish to look for a girlfriend while still being addicted to PMO. It's just that you have problems in your life and should take care of them first and not burden a girl with them. Of course you can look at this from a completely different perspective. A gf might help overcome P addiction more easily. It's all a matter of perspective but like I can understand the TE thoughts.

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