Beliefs and values matter. If you both have conflicting core beliefs and values then I wouldn’t pursue a relationship.
If I were her boyfriend, I would not feel secure all the time thinking of her might be texting or going out with another man to please herself.
You don’t even know her. You just know this second hand information about her posted on the internet.
It's a bit early to be reaching any firm conclusion. Meet her first irl and then see how you feel. You don't have to sleep with her straightaway. My only advice is to make sure you ask her to do a full suite of medical tests BEFORE sleeping with her. Morality aside that is the main concern with someone having had multiple partners.
I am feeling numb with this situation.. Today on the morning she calls me, checking how i am, i was talking over when i was going home with her, and she gave me the hint, she does likes me, and needs a person like me in her life.. I am starting to feel numb about this, overall i am not even sure what my heart feels, i feel the love.
i quote this post because I agree with it wholeheartedly, I mean, who are we as PA's to judge sexual promiscuity?
She might be a sex addict, and emotionally unstable. telling you she has had ten partners, and 'casuals' besides that... is perhaps saying she just wants something very casual with you. If she was looking for a long term relationship, you would think she'd approach it in a different manner [i.e.; not divulge her sexual history].
She hasnt divulge for herself, she asked me first how many partners i have had, but has she was liking to talk with me i had got an oportunity to ask her by curiosity she, open up but hesitated. However im going to see her in 3 hours, for a hour or half, just to meet her up and see how she is, i do think she is ready onto me because she game hints, that she feels to kiss me, and said sorry after, i said to her, 'take it easy it is how first date we need to see ourselfs first' we cant rush a thing like this on the first even without having the first contact'
I came from the date, and i told her since the beginning to not come with expectations, however she gave out bad of herself image when we made eye contact, she was instable, talking over myself. she was nervous obviously and i did and understand and told her to take it easy, it's all fine, take a deep breath.. Over the top when i was walking with her she wasnt walking with me in a normal manner nor talking because i couldnt barelly talk to her to much due to her anxiety, and she wasnt even close enough to the pictures i have seen from her, we ended up there.
Why does having 10+ partners in the past make her more likely to cheat? For all you know, maybe she was totally faithful in her relationships. If her # of partners doesn't fit with your values, that's one thing ... but it's not right to make a character judgment about her faithfulness just because her # makes you uncomfortable. ^^^ This. Seriously. I've been with 250+ women. If I hadn't done all the work I've done in recovery, this thread would make me feel so awful about myself.
Regrettably - that's us men right there. After all the soul searching and philosophizing about what to do - in the end, if you're really being honest, you didn't go further for the simple reason she didn't look hot enough... I think women don't see through men because their minds just can't comprehend that many of us can be this basic. Instead they credit us with hidden depths - depths that remain hidden for years...!
This post goes beyond the OP and his situation, but I think it's an important issue to discuss. There's a difference between judging someone as somehow bad, not valuable, less than, not worthy of love, etc, and judging that someone is not the right person to be in a relationship with. I don't believe anyone here is saying that, based solely on this woman's past, she is somehow less than or unworthy. I think what people are saying is that it is okay to choose to not be in a relationship with someone who's actions indicate a different attitude towards sexual relationships. I believe that someone would have the right to choose not to be with someone who used to be a porn addict, it might even be a good idea. We can recover from our addiction but we will never be the same people that we would be if we had never made these mistakes, for better or for worse. I believe it is the same for people who have been promiscuous in the past. They may not be any better or worse than anyone else, in a cosmic sense, but they have certainly been affected by their experiences. To claim otherwise is ridiculous. I think it's a mistake to be so blinded by modern sexual norms that we think sex is completely free of consequences, and I'm not just talking about STIs and babies. Probably the best thing to do would be to adopt a perpetual attitude of forgiveness towards all humans, but there's nothing wrong with being discriminatory in one's choice of partners.
I agree with much of what you've written, but I do think it is possible to argue that a woman who has maintained her purity until marriage is worthy of greater respect than a woman who hasn't. Chastity is still a virtue to many people - indeed it is top of the list. It would thus be possible to place women on a descending scale according to their previous level of promiscuity. Clearly the first step of losing ones virginity is the greatest step of all, and then each additional partner would merit an additional step of ever decreasing amount. I realize the above is not a popular opinion in modern culture - but that's not the same as demonstrating it is wrong. I also realize that chastity applied to men involves double standards, which I am still at a loss to fully explain. When all is said and done I would rather marry a virgin than a woman who has had sexual partners. And when it comes to comparing women with several sexual partners it really matters little whether it was 5, 10 or 15 etc.
Depths that don't exist. Men are attracted first and foremost to outer beauty. Sure, personality matters...to a certain extent. We all like fun girls... who're also super cute. This is why the highest achievement for a man in dating is to "bang models". Not nerdy female quantum physicists, not Red Cross volunteers with a penchant for saving lives. Models. This should ring a bell.
People like sex, it shouldn't be seen as a big deal. Besides if you really want to dislike someone for it - I don't think anyone with a porn habit (current or previous) can take the moral high ground and claim they're better than someone who has had lots of casual sex. At least the person having casual sex is engaging and connecting with another human being, not some pixels on a screen. Some people will be satisfied with one partner, others won't. It's up to you to know yourself and your own needs, as well as what you'll accept from someone you get into a relationship with. Personally I don't see anything wrong with having multiple partners - however, there's a big difference between having multiple partners and having multiple partners where you've told one or more of them that you're exclusive to them - the latter is dishonest, and I'd never get into a serious relationship with someone who'd done that before, because guess what, they'll probably do it again. Polyamory on the other hand (multiple consenting boyfriends/girlfriends) I think is fine as long as all parties involved are comfortable with it. As are open relationships, non-exclusive relationships, friends with benefits arrangements and the like. There is nothing wrong with liking sex or having multiple partners, so long as there isn't dishonesty involved, but at the end of the day it's down to you and what you feel is right as to who you'll feel comfortable in a relationship with.
Of all the people that should not be judgement am, it should be us. We're all sex addicts. Who are we to judge? So she has had a lot of boyfriends? Just mean she knows what she's doing in the bedroom and that is an awesome thing. Maybe her experience intimidates you? I'd it does move on. Sounds like something about her experience bothers you at any rate so probably best to move on if you can't handle. Good of her to be so honest and up front.
