Tried posting a few times over the weekend with an introduction, not sure if it's taken time for moderators to ok or if something has gone a miss. 5 days off and then PMO and 3 days off and then PMO, i feel so goddamn crappy, does it get any easier?
Ok, that works, not sure why it didn't before, so here's what I wrote: Hi, I'm 32 years old and have been compulsively abusing porn since i was about 12. It only occurred to me recently that the reason I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember, is because of this. It seemed incredible to me, to read about an entire community that were describing the same sorts of issues that I hadn't, until now, been able attribute to anything tangible. Thinking back, all the painful moments of social anxiety in my life have been post late nights or early mornings in front of the computer fapping. I've now gotten to the point where I've had such a messed up brain chemistry for so long and have at times felt so distant from any other human beings, that I've just wanted to remove myself from the world entirely. I've been in a relationship for 3 years and sometimes I get so disoriented over why my partner gets so frustrated with me, I have no idea whether I am actually genuinely being an asshole or whether we are just misunderstanding each other, I really want to do the best for the both of us. I understand that supporting someone that is periodically clinically depressed and has an incredibly low sense of self esteem can't be easy. I managed about 5 days without relapsing before deciding to sign up. 3 times today, feel so hazy and frustrated. Yesterday I actually felt a sense of well being for the first time in a very long time. Even in that short time I started to feel a better balance of desire and social standing. Been seeing a therapist for just over a year, and it was only just after Christmas that I realized that i'd been in denial about the whole thing for most of my adult life. It's so obvious now I think back and I know it's not going to be easy going forward. Compulsive behavior is something I've always struggled to snap out of (drinking, smoking, sex, drugs, eating etc etc). The worst thing is that the fuzziness and nausea completely prevents me from focusing on what I'm doing in my life. I feel rudderless. I find it impossible to concentrate outside of working hours and at work I can only manage because I know my job so well I can practically do it with my eyes shut. Long story short, I really have to fix my brain and in order to do that, I've got to stop. I hope you guys are doing well in your lives, i'm gonna do my damnedest to do the same. Hoosemoose
Moose, yes it gets easier. But it takes a lot to get over this addiction. Use the site to give you an accountability partners. You need to find things and actions to help you overcome the urges. I use exercising, meditation, going through this site and a NoFap app. You can get over this. We are all behind you.
Thanks man, everyone seems pretty cool here. I'm going to try again and this time for at least a few weeks. In the meantime, more exercise, more reading(I find it so hard to concentrate with a fuzzy head), better eating and more guitar, just spending time doing more wholesome stuff. I just want to feel better, but I guess I'm going to have to work for that. Hoosemoose
2 days and late night pmo, so poor. I really have to try harder. I can t help but feel that I've cone to use porn as a crutch. Had a tough evening, came home and the missus was stoned out of her tree, I've gone t total, so when she passed out at 9:30, I felt alone and frustrated, I just wanted to spend time with her. Ended up PMOing instead. Stoopid. Try again.
There aren't many people here that can say they've had it easy in the first week quitting, nor that they've done a 90 days without relapse at some point. It's difficult to counter this addiction and you must not forget it, but you can pull through and will feel so much better for it. Perhaps find something to do when you're feeling a bit isolated some times. Personally I've started doing pushups in the morning/evening, and while it doesn't take me long, I'm still focused on it, and my strength has improved a lot since I started. Self-improvement is a great motivator especially if you can find a small goal that you can gradually see the progress on. Good luck!
5 days into the 90 days trial and I am losing my head. Every single time I try to focus on something my mind thinks about random out of topic nonsense. It doesn't necessarily have to be porn that arrests my attention all the time, I guess it's the lack of activity or more accurately, the lack of will to do anything. But I am not giving up. Porn is NOT real. A few words of motivation from someone who has been in this situation before would really help. #LIVESTRONG
Welcome! I suggest making a journal in the journals section, to vent your thoughts, experiences throughout the day, and added accountability. When I first started here I didn't post to my journal often, but I have recently, and am determined to do it at least every other day. As you write down your thoughts and experiences, you see and realize what you should and shouldn't be doing to keep up no PMOing. Best of luck! Feel free to PM me with questions.
Thanks guys, good advice. ParanoidAndroid, I'm gonna give it my best and try not to be so hard on myself as I progress. I'm gonna make mistakes, I've only just started trying to change, I have a learning curve to see out. January17, I know what you mean, I'm going to try and start some projects to get my head into, try and use them as a distraction. I think I've wasted so much time doing not alot, time to change dude. thorpls, That's a really good idea, I'm totally lame at keeping up with things, but I think I'm going to try and get into it, maybe privately at first. I had a realization today, that I've used porn to avoid doing constructive stuff throughout my life, like when things seem like too much effort, it's an easy pay off, kills boredom but with no real advantage. I think I need to start finishing the things I'd given up on thinking they were too hard. Moose
Here I am. 7 days without PMOing and I am still relaxed. Sure it isn't the easiest thing to just let go of something your body and your brain grew so accustomed to but at the end of the day, it was necessary. My will keeps me going. Maybe everything will be back to how it was meant to be for me. Just got to keep going though. #LIVESTRONG
