Wasn't sure what section to post in, I hope this one is fine. What should I start with... They say it's not an addiction if it's not interfering with your daily activities. I'd say it doesn't in my case, at least it didn't use to, but in recent days I'm not feeling so sure, and I could really use an advice. As a man, I do have certain needs. I'm young, so it's natural I'll think about women a lot. But for various reasons I have decided for myself that it's better for me to stay single, that dating just isn't worth it and that I would rather focus on self improvement and achieving other goals. It worked well for me, and when I stopped thinking about having to date, all of a sudden I felt more motivated and happy with my life overall. In a sense, not focusing on dating like all the men my age do felt empowering. It felt like I'm above it, that I'm really in control of my life. But surely, my sexual drive didn't go away, I just recognized it as something that's a part of me, and would just deal with it differently, by masturbating every once in a while (read once in 1-3 days). Recently however, I feel like I've been becoming exceedingly hornier, and a sense of guilt appeared. They say that it's normal, that sexual drive is but a natural need, and nothing can be done about it, but nowadays, every time I masturbate, it feels like at that very moment I'm losing control over myself. Not in a sense that I can't not masturbate, but in a sense that despite my efforts to distance myself from dating I still end up being a slave to women's attraction. The reason it's worrying is because as long as I have these hormones rushing through my veins I'm not getting rid of sexual desire. I thought of NoFap, but then I remembered reading and hearing numerous times when people talked about the benefits, that NoFap boosts testosterone levels after some time and improves sexual drive. And that, provided I want to stay away from dating, would only make things worse, wouldn't it? I can't just stop masturbating all together, but it makes me feel weak, it makes me feel like a victim of my own very nature. What am I to do? I could accept my sexual drive and thus reduce the feeling of guilt, but I feel like that will only lead to things getting worse. Besides. My preferences in porn... have been rather questionable. I'm straight, very much so, but during masturbation I end up fantasizing too much from a woman's point of view. Essentially because I grew associating sex with women receiving pleasure rather than men enjoying the act. So I feel like I'm slowly being gravitated towards the way of thinking that, let's just put it this way, leads men to become femboys. Not being judgmental, it's just that I'd rather stay a masculine man. I would like to hear your thoughts.
Hi, it seems to me that you are giving it all good thoughts and surely you will know best what is good for yourself. What comes to my mind reading your thoughts is why not go without it all, no porn, no masturbation for a week. 7 days. It is like someone drinking regularly but not being an alcoholic finding out whether one can really go without and remain calm and easy about it. And then maybe stop the porn altogether and when you feel your sexual energy overwhelming you, rather than masturbate, think of it as making love to yourself. You alone, you and your body only and your sensuality. And this only when necessary. Then do another week of abstinence. Check out who's in control. Is it you or circumstances, is it you or possibilities, is it you or urges, is it you or fantasies, is it you or porn, is it you or the need for an orgasm. Here's a nice clip that shows how thoughts lead to words to actions to habits ... and in our case can easily become addictive which then over time ends in being an addict. Hope that makes some sense
It's a good idea, I think I'll give it a go. Thinking over what I wrote, I jump between two extremes: masturbation without control and no masturbation at all, but it doesn't have to be only one of the two. I could take a temporary break and see how it affects me. It's not that I can't change the plan if I make a decision and it doesn't work out. And the vid was great. Thank you.
This is why porn is so dangerous, it morphs your mind in ways that you can't control. My advice is that you stop all kinds of porn and engage in a reboot which will take your brain back to normal. Now, as for masturbation, I've heard a lot of people saying that you can masturbate and still not watch porn, but for me, both activities were just too attached. I tried allowing myself to only masturbate for some time, but it made my sexual drive go crazy, and that took me back to porn. Yes, humans are sexual creatures, but it doesn't mean that we need to be fapping or ejaculating to accept our sexual nature. What it means is that we have the power to create, give life, and connect with others, and that is so far away from just rubbing your penis until you cum. If you want to work on yourself and be the kind of man who has bigger goals in life, then the first need to work on is in controlling yourself, and putting your energy intentionally into the things that you really want, not into compulsive habits.
