Hello Fellow Warriors, In this thread, I want to talk about an indirect way I get my dopamine rush. Sometimes I do this when I'm bored, even if I don't get the rush. Long post ahead, but it's worth a read I guess. I named it soft peeking, because I really don't know what to call it. Stage-1: When I'm bored and unmotivated (which is most times), I go on YouTube and mindlessly watch videos, just to kill some free time, but end up in infinite time box. I watch all kinds of videos mindlessly and eventually end up seeing some contentious suggestions. Stage-2: With the trigger, I start searching for adult material, like cosplays, movie nudes, wardrobe malfunctions, etc. However, for most of the time, I just scroll through the results and do not watch the videos. I just put myself on the line without crossing it. I also go on the parent's guide pages of A-rated movies. If I'm lucky, I close it and get back to my life. Stage-3: I go a step closer; I play those videos without actually watching the actual act. I watch the build-up scenes, etc. Moving further, I go deeper. For example, sometimes I find a full-length movie that is A-rated, then I move the mouse pointer on the preview to see if I can find any NSFW content. I'll, however, avoid playing the scene. Stage-4: Usually, this is the time when I go into full relapse mode. I get back to my old habits, and the cycle repeats. However, I guess I'm stronger now; I'm not falling into my old ways. But still, I am pushing myself hard to fall and fail. Yesterday, I watched YouTube for 4+ hours continuously, and at a certain point, I was searching for travel vlogs that weren't ill-intentioned but might contain NSFW material. Like vlogs on Bondi Beach, etc. I ended up seeing some naked people. Then I started watching some videos of NSFW moments on TV: 18+ reality show scenes (like Big Brother), news channel fails, wardrobe malfunctions, and the list goes on. The good news is I stopped myself and closed it. Why I'm calling it is soft peeking is because it is not making me feel as guilty as I would when I peek (watch explicit content). I can also call it beating around the bush. It's like I'm baiting myself to get caught by the trap but still making an effort to escape the trap. I'm writing this just to see if anybody else has had the same experiences, and I hope getting to discuss this will help me beat it. Also, am I watching weird content that no one else does, because I never see people discussing such things in forums or even in real life? Thank you if you managed read the entire post.
Hey there! I actually go through very similar phases. I'm often very confused after because I'm not sure if to treat it like a relapse or not. One thing is certain, I shouldn't be watching those. Not because people tells me they are bad for me, but because I can feel my brain having a reaction to them. I feel that the problems can go beyond porn, compulsive scrolling or watching often leads me to porn if I don't stop myself. Treating this as a threat as serious as porn helps me stop myself from incurring into this situations. Thought let me add, I still fall for it, way less than before though. Greetings!
Hello guys, I sometime catch myself, doing the same thing as you describe. any ideas how to prevent this?
What you are describing is a common way that people waste their life, myself included. For me it's a total waste of time to watch anything digital when I could be actually doing something in "Real life." There's nothing to gain from social media unless it's educational. I try to remind myself of this and limit the time I spend on digital devices. There's a world out there that has so much to offer and I'll find none of it looking at a screen.
Thank you for sharing this post - this is literally my exact problem. Even down to the ‘Parents Guide’ bit sometimes. It’s just that gradual escalation. It’s that grey zone where you’re not outrightly watching porn. I’ve always seen it as just another sneaky way your brain plays tricks on you. Also I don’t know about you, but for me sometimes the process can happen over a few days to even a week. Eventually the peeking reaches the critical point where I just think “we’ll I might as-well relapse now”. I think the trick is to realise those triggers, no matter how insignificant. It starts a slow cascade that leads to PMO. Again, thank you for sharing this. ‘Soft Peeking’ (great term) sucks because you trick yourself into justifying it because it’s not really NSFW. But it starts that domino effect. Good luck to you friend.
I too go through these phases, usually during a NOFAP period. The last time it happened, I was on a two-week streak; out of boredom and to feel some excitement, I deliberately opened a video on YouTube, like a 'try haul' type. But it never stops there. Like domino pieces that gradually get bigger, I eventually end up watching uncensored try haul and then P. And that's where it ends. I know it may sound obvious to say, but the best thing is to commit fully to not letting the first small domino piece fall. As soon as you realize you're slipping, even if it seems innocent, stop immediately
