MoneySlave and Femdom Issues

First I'd like to introduce myself, I'm a french student, which maybe will explain why my english will probably seems weird.

I've been watching and dreaming about Femal Domination since almost 10 years.
2 years ago I discovered what is often called "MoneySlavering" it's a BDSM relationship in which the woman ( "Moneymiss" or "Moneymistress") act as a goddess and asks to the "Moneyslave" for money in exchange of nothing.
It's been 2 years since I first gave money to a Moneymiss. And I loved it, more than anything else. During these 2 years I've sent more than 2000 € to different Moneymiss.
I was single for these last 2 years, except for the past 6 months, I lived with my girlfriend, who know nothing about this addiction. Because of it I have no interest in vanilla sex and I usually masturbate into toilets each time I have to, which means 3 to 4 times a week. I haven't sexed with my girlfriend since 5 months, she just thinks that I'm anxious.

Sometimes I even gave my bank id and name, address to Moneymiss so that she can blackmail me. Fortunately I think that each of these Moneymiss wasn't cruel enough to empty my bank account, or show to my family and friends that I'm a slave. But since 2 months I managed to stop this aspect of my submission, the only problem left is money, not blackmail.

So to summarize, I'm completely addicted to Moneyslavering, which causes me to be anxious, I'm no rich, and MoneySlavering is extremely expensive. Each time I wanna stop I just fall into it again within less than a week.

I'm destroying myself, my mind, my self esteem, my sexuality, my relationship with my girlfriend. It's 4am here in France, 1 hour ago I gave 300€ to a Moneymiss, which is more than everything I gave the last 2 months, so today I'm trying to stop, to really stop for the first time.

I'm losing my life, and for the first time I'm telling to someone that I have an issue, an addiction, and I wanna stop this.

 

Just in case someone is passing by, I think that I owe an update to other moneyslaves that could read this.

The initial message was posted on August 2018. Until 7 month ago, I gave almost all my non-vital money to "Moneymiss". Obviously my relationship finished in the meantime too (I now realize that she had her own problems and that combined with mine made it impossible for both of us to enjoy a normal sexual life, which ultimately led to an unhappy couple).

During those last 7 month, I finally found the strength to really fight this addiction to femdom and moneyslavery. I started to monitor this addiction and to plan it such that the frequency was "controlled", it helped me to reduce the frequency and to put some money aside (which I NEVER succeeded before).

Until one day, which is probably among the most important days in my life : 4 months ago, I was at a bar, a female colleague that I have always admired and liked started to discuss with me and to show a bit of interest in me. I was extremely happy but also extremely sad because I realized how weird, socially anxious and shy I became. I had HUGE difficulties to react and to discuss with her. I had none of this problem before my addiction to moneyslavering and it made me realize that this addiction really changed me and had a real and measurable effect on my capacity to maintain a casual conversation with a woman.

This event was the trigger, after this the frequency of my addiction almost dropped to 0 in 3 weeks. I became extremely close friend with my female colleague from the bar, she probably saved me without even knowing it just by showing some interest in me this day. I think that I will always be grateful to her. :]

3 months ago I told her that I really like her, we continued to get closer and since almost a month we are in a relationship. I had difficulties to get aroused from non-oral vanilla sex at first but after 2-3 tries everything went normal again.

It's been around 3 month that I haven't fell into this addiction and I do not even remember the last time I was happy like nowadays. I have regained some self esteem, I have a girlfriend that I deeply admire and I am finally enjoying a normal sex life. When I look back to the past 6 years I realize how miserable and unhappy I had became and how badly the femdom/moneyslavery addiction hurted me.

I know that this addiction is still here somewhere in me, but for the very first time in 6 years I can safely say that I am truly happy and that I am a balanced person.

I wish you luck in your journey and I hope that this message will give some strength to other persons with problematic addictions. If you are reading this, I know what you are feeling, I know that you are stuck in a very complicated moment of your life, but remember that there's light at the end of the tunnel. = )