I have not felt this alone and rejected in a long time. Stood up to my mother today for the first time ever. Tried to have a discussion about a way she was treating me that I do not like. I was expecting at least a bit of sympathy. Her and one of her sisters is fighting. I have felt like I was stuck in the middle of it a few times now. I have been in a few uncomfortable situations. I talked to her about it today and she would not hear my whole story out. She immediately got defensive and tried to tell me something about this being the circle of abuse or something. I sensed she was trying to make me feel like I was being abusive. I raised my voice a bit and was upset. I did not lose control. I asked her if she was getting upset with me and she affirmed it. She told me that I have not been very supportive of her through all of this. I feel like I have tried my very best to be supportive of her. She made me feel very small. I got upset and got in my car and drove away. I was about to lose my temper. I did the right thing. I drove away feeling very sad, alone and afraid. I just tried to talk to her about a situation that was making me feel uncomfortable. I see why I was always so afraid of her. Why I have always been so afraid of women in general. I hurt. Being stuck in the middle of their fight was not fair to me. It hurts that my own mother can't see my feelings at all. She has always ignored me and never given a crap about anything I am into. Never been excited for me for anything. I have always been so terrified of her. I stood up to her today. It's a lonely feeling on this side of it. I saw very deep evidence of how little she cares about me. It hurts. It hurts deep. At the same time there is some relief. I know how messed up she is. It was not me that was messed up. I never deserved to get treated the way she treated me. I am not the screw up.