Mother.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Anew2019, May 25, 2019.

  1. Anew2019

    Anew2019 Fapstronaut

    I have not felt this alone and rejected in a long time. Stood up to my mother today for the first time ever. Tried to have a discussion about a way she was treating me that I do not like. I was expecting at least a bit of sympathy. Her and one of her sisters is fighting. I have felt like I was stuck in the middle of it a few times now. I have been in a few uncomfortable situations. I talked to her about it today and she would not hear my whole story out. She immediately got defensive and tried to tell me something about this being the circle of abuse or something. I sensed she was trying to make me feel like I was being abusive. I raised my voice a bit and was upset. I did not lose control. I asked her if she was getting upset with me and she affirmed it. She told me that I have not been very supportive of her through all of this. I feel like I have tried my very best to be supportive of her. She made me feel very small. I got upset and got in my car and drove away. I was about to lose my temper. I did the right thing. I drove away feeling very sad, alone and afraid. I just tried to talk to her about a situation that was making me feel uncomfortable. I see why I was always so afraid of her. Why I have always been so afraid of women in general. I hurt. Being stuck in the middle of their fight was not fair to me. It hurts that my own mother can't see my feelings at all. She has always ignored me and never given a crap about anything I am into. Never been excited for me for anything. I have always been so terrified of her. I stood up to her today. It's a lonely feeling on this side of it. I saw very deep evidence of how little she cares about me. It hurts. It hurts deep.

    At the same time there is some relief. I know how messed up she is. It was not me that was messed up. I never deserved to get treated the way she treated me. I am not the screw up.
     
    Tafi likes this.
  2. TheGoldenEra

    TheGoldenEra Distinguished Fapstronaut

    It's aight bud. Just stay strong, Idk how old u are but just know, in a few years time you'll move out. You'll be in college. And you'll be living the life, might even meet a girl you like and she'll take care of you. with the love of a mother like a real wife.

    Them rhymes tho :D on a serious stay strong buddy!
     
    Anew2019 likes this.
  3. Anew2019

    Anew2019 Fapstronaut

    I am in my 30s.

    Thank you. Yeah. I will be alright. I think I finally will be.
     
  4. TheGoldenEra

    TheGoldenEra Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Fack, sounded like you was 18 ngl. Do you live at home with her or?
     
  5. Anew2019

    Anew2019 Fapstronaut

    No. I live on my own. Even in your 30s it hurts to see how little your mom cares about you.
     
  6. TheGoldenEra

    TheGoldenEra Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Dam that does sound rough. it's probably one of those things you never get used to I guess.
     
    Anew2019 likes this.
  7. Anew2019

    Anew2019 Fapstronaut

    Nope. You don't. I have always seen she does not care. Always thought I was not good enough. Blamed myself ya know? If I could only be better she would love me I thought. I was wrong. Never stood up to her for fear of more rejection. Finally did today. I was right. She got defensive and rejected me. I see it how it is and I can move on with my life now.
     
  8. Anew2019

    Anew2019 Fapstronaut

    My heart goes out to you bro. Sorry to hear you suffered so much. Thank you for the kind and encouraging words.

    Yeah. The PMO was the only place I got any tenderness growing up. Imaginary tenderness I guess. Living vicariously. She also caused my anxiety and depression. Lack of dating. Between her and the PMO. Yup...
     
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  9. Anew2019

    Anew2019 Fapstronaut

    Praise God for matching you with a nice Christian girl. I will pray for a healthy relationship for you. I am glad to hear your anxiety is gone as well. God is good.

    Thank you for sharing some of your story.

    I am feeling hopeful for a healthy relationship. My big worry was being able to communicate. My mom made me terrified of talking about things that were causing me hurt. I knew that would not be good in a relationship. I did towards her today. It hurt. Not everyone is like her though. In a healthy relationship I should be able to express things that make me feel uncomfortable or hurt me without the other becoming defensive and shame me for it.

    Things are looking up. I will pray for you.
     
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