My decent into TS porn HELL

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by parad0x, May 19, 2019.

  1. parad0x

    parad0x Fapstronaut

    177
    286
    63
    Hi All,

    New to this forum.
    1. Was sexually active with girls starting when I was 15. (36 now) and for all intensive purposes as straight as an arrow. Loved 'getting some' lol
    2. After a breakup mid 20's that broke my heart, got into porn.
    3. Over next 5 years gradually got more and more hardcore.
    4. One day I found 'tranny porn' by accident. Fapped felt guilty, got over it.
    5. Returned to it (ts porn) more and more until I watched it EXCLUSIVELY.
    6. Had a few more gfs and during that time stopped watching porn.
    7. Returned to it, and even acted out in real life a few times.
    About 6 months ago, I met a great girl. And I had ED issues. This was a big wake up call for me. I was having trouble getting aroused and not feeling present in the moment. I think I also had a lot of guilt in this relationship like "if this girl knew what I have been doing before we met she would be horrified"

    She left me as she didn't feel my heart was in it - it wasn't.

    I was ok with this breakup.

    BUT it made me realize I need to put this porn shit behind me, I desperately want to get back to who i was pre-porn. A normal guy, getting laid with a real woman. I stopped porn about 3 months ago and found it easy. I just yesterday, relapsed (ts porn again). I'm so pissed at myself. After I fapped I felt so unfulfilled, like TS crap is not my true self.

    Yet here I am craving it again!!! WTF. Despite not enjoying it, my brains asking for more. I was doing so well.

    Anyway, that's my intro. Would love some feedback.

    See ya'll round the forum.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. InnerFaith

    InnerFaith Fapstronaut

    173
    229
    43
    you'e not alone on this one.. i have trans atraction as well.. i can promise you the more you abstain from pon and masturbation, the more you will remember the straight sensations and be back on women.. i dont think it will kill trans atraction but it definitley weaken it
     
  3. parad0x

    parad0x Fapstronaut

    177
    286
    63
    Yes it was definitely weakening during my 3 month abstinence.

    Tbh for me it doesnt feel like real attraction, it feels like a drug. Taboo, a rush, a hit of dopamine from a forbidden fruit.

    I think I can beat it, but I worry about the guilt following me for life and interfering with my real relationships.
     
  4. InnerFaith

    InnerFaith Fapstronaut

    173
    229
    43
    Don't invest too much thought, its wasted energy, shift the focus to doing the best rehab you can, suprise yourself and break daily routines with outdoor activity of some sort.. Also, you don't have to tell that to the women you will meet, they already know all men are big perverts.. Also, if you tell the women that, she will think you also will have problems/excuses to cheat or give up on her..same as you wouldnt talk with her too much about other women thats silly as well.. She need to know she is your effort, not the urges to cheat
    Dosent matter what truth is..
     
  5. InnerFaith

    InnerFaith Fapstronaut

    173
    229
    43
    And also if you decide to make family with her you are paying a big price as it is, dont beat yourself up on sexual past.. Life will beat you up and cheer ypu up with the responsibilities that will come in te future
     

Share This Page