The start of the unknown. Not the way I thought it would start, and to be honest I never planned on starting. I loved it too much, P was so easy and only a few clicks away. It gave me excitement and I was hooked from as young as I can remember. As the years went on it only got worse, I went from a handful of videos a day to saving 1000’s of pictures within the blink of an eye. I was saving more than I could ever ‘use’. Sending emails to myself (not to be caught) with links of anything from online P to instagrams and everything in between. It was so bad that if only 2 or 3 days went by and you asked who was in the emails or names, I couldn’t tell you, I was saving too much to remember. To be honest, I didn’t revisit the links due to the fact that I was too busy saving more. Fast forward to this week and my girlfriend has caught me for the 5th time (Only God knows why she hasn’t left me already). She’s amazing and I love her to bits, I cried every time she went to leave but when all was settled and I was alone and bored, it creeped into my life again, I just couldn’t help it. I wanted to eat my cake and have it too. I have never had someone this supportive yet so unjudging towards myself. She has totally changed since I have admitted my problem and it was herself that has made massive changes in my life. Not only has she guided me to this website but I have also let her go through my phone, computer and iPad, to help me in this process. I deleted everything from the computer and to be fair I’m never really on it. My iPad she went though it in tears, I felt so exposed and dirty when she scrolled through almost 1,200 pictures asking why she isn’t good enough. Christ that killed me, she is stunning and hopefully my last girlfriend. It isn’t the fact that she isn’t good enough, I would’ve still has this addiction with anyone. My iPad, we cleared from any temptations, models and cam girls deleted from Instagram and snapchat and for once everything was ‘clean’. As well as this, I installed a program called Ever Accountable on my computer and phone. My IPad has been locked down by herself with passwords. Day number one, I go out shopping for her birthday, and I have mixed feelings about everything, I feel like a camera is on my every move and every single thing I look at, she is too, however I somehow feel addiction free. I have dragged my girlfriend down to the point she has lost all confidence and doesn’t even want to look at herself in the mirror, how could I do this to her? To anyone? The feeling is making me so sick and disgusted in myself and I’m making that drive my inner strength to quit and prove to her and to myself that I can do this, better yet, to build her confidence up to more than I can imagine. Anyway I go shopping and enter her favourite store, Ann Summers, now I feel how hard this is going to be. Sexy underwear everywhere, models in cute lingerie and all I want to do is go home and google them all. I stand there with 2 sets in my hand to purchase and that’s when a girl comes over to serve me, breaking my thoughts. I am trying hard to ignore all of this and then she asks if I want any toys, and that they are half price, ohhh this is going to be harder than I thought. I decline and just concentrate on leaving and where I am going to next. If I am busy I can easily go a day without P, however it’s the days I am not busy and this right here is a plan of mine to last these 30 days. Later that day I go home to the computer to order the remaining presents from online. This is the hardest part, this is where I am most of the times I look up P. This is my humble, dirty abode. However I keep myself in the right mindset and think of the presents. I did have a major moment where, when browsing secret sales for a tshirt for my brother, I seen a female in her bra, ohhh how easy it would be to knock a quick one out, however I turn the music up and quickly hit the next page button, I need to break that focus. For once I am actually very productive, all presents ordered from 3 different websites for her and I even have time to order my brothers before setting off to her house again. In the past I would’ve ordered maybe 2 presents, got distracted and then felt like I have been so unproductive, but not today, this is the first time I have felt good about this, maybe indirectly but still good. I go back to her house for the rest of the night and that sees the end of day one. I apologise if I haven’t used acronyms where I should have, please inform me and I’ll change this. Bring on Day Two.