My Journey Begins ★ Towards Enlightenment

Hey,
I am 22 years old guy. It's terrible to describe how much I suffered from PMO in the past. It became my daily routine to do so for last 5 years or more.
How terribly I failed to abstain from PMO is also a little concern for me.

HERE IS MY STORY ...
My first experience with orgasm was in my secondary high school at the age of 13. Even now I can remember my first experience. It was only orgasm by edging during my bath. It was due to hormonal peak concentration and due to fantasy I think so!!

-HOW I DEVELOPED PMO HABIT??
From my first experience I acquainted with new form of pleasure. I also noticed that when I watch hotbabies on TV I get boner . When I stayed alone in home I regularly did watching hot babies and masturbate to them(though it was not everyday).
As in my high school I was good as a student it didn't affect me so much(but now I think it would be more better If I didn't do that shit and wasted time & energy!). Though I studied regularly and doing well in my classes. A regular job I did that time was I study all day, upto midnight & I used to watch late night Stimulating program on TV (secretly) & masturbate to them. It was my regular duty till the age of 16. I was also religious at that time. As a Muslim I prayed regularly & also read(recite not knowing the meaning) Quran almost everyday. I remember that time I prayed to the creator to forgive my sin. I also prayed to the Creator to help me to do well in the school.I think that was my checking point(barrier shield) to control myself. (otherwise it would be more harming I think!)

-IN COLLEGE LIFE
I did very well in my school. So I was confident to do well in college. I did so! (but not satisfactory, I think I had not used lot of my time).Actually my PMO habit start in my college life. As my previous pleasure response was familiar and slightly trained (I think) with visual triggering image combining masturbation,orgasm,it became hyper active when I got iphone in college. Through surfing triggering site,downloading P*** & masturbating to them became my daily routine . I was doing not bad in the college but surely not great. Through time it became tougher to me to cope with stress and that time i use only PMO. Eventually I became less religious and I trapped into the PMO.More I avoid to do that more they come.

-IN MEDICAL SCHOOL
I got admitted into medical school. As I was not aware of what's going on inside me. I was in trouble in medical school & passing nightmares as hell. I tried to cope with stress by watching pornography and masturbation. Instead of developing my ability I tried to escape the reality. As everybody knows how hard the medical study is. Fail is common even you have good preparation. But my case was different. I totally avoid the reality. I failed chronically in the exam. I cope that with PMO. I became also irregular in the medical school. So totally I was living in a land of PMO fantasy. I was in zero confidence in the 1st 2 years of my medical school.
I can't describe my suffering through these days. It's impossible to describe but I can say it was worst of me.

MY FIRST SHOCK....
Arround 3 years of my medical school, no one informed me that PMO is bad. You can't even imagine PMO is a problem. Arround you your friends are joking about adult theme but they don't care it so much.Maybe they use it not as I used to do PMO. Maybe less severe. But in my case it was only addictive. Pathetically in medical school it teaches masturbation is healthy. As I was doing masturbation without harming others, I never think it has a negative impact.
My breakthrough was searching porn harm or how to stop porn watching. I found a site called feedtherightwolf.org. I was shocked by reading Alex free recovery course. It was my first acknowledge that PMO is the main cause. I figured out that I become addicted to PMO & the symptoms were the all of negatives in my life.Then other website like yourbrainonporn.com also helped me to understand. Several YouTube videos like Gary Wilson porn experiment, Nofap video taught me a lot about my personal problem.

-IS IT POSSIBLE OVERNIGHT RECOVERY??
Wrongly I believed so at first. Reality is totally different. As it had developed chronically it must take time. I understand it when I hardly tried to stop PMO and relapsed so many time.

MY PROGRESS.....
I extremely tried to stop PMO habit from 23th September,2014. I relapsed 15 times(15 attempt reboot)
last at 20 November. But this time though I relapse I gained some positive. And from my journaling I identified my root spoiler was porn. More accurately not aware of knowing the negative impact which provocate other self harming habit was the problem.

SYMPTOMS I DEVELOPED BY USING PMO....
:social anxiety
:depression
:low self esteem
:feeling like a loser
:no hope
:self guilt, shame
:anti social
:short tempered
:claiming sorroundindings for everything
:aimless journey
:forget to dream(sweet dream)
rocrastination syndrome
:and so on......(similar like most porn addicts)

WHY I AM HERE....??
I tried it on my own to stop. But I relapsed. I think it would be better if I share my story with others who are also facing the same problems.

That's why I am here!:-D




My Goal To Abstain from PMO=90Day+
Beginning Today day 1(although I am in day 3)

 

Thank you Jelus for your comment. I am also thinking about gym. I will start gym from today.
Counter is also valuable to watch my progress.
Thanks for your valuable comment.

 

Thanks for your comment. Yeah, we have to get out of this dark cycle.
Be clean my bro!