@Peepaltree You can do it man. Keep at it! I would like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain. It is a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body. Check out this Ted talk, it gives a good idea of what's it about when it comes to philosophy. As far as practical side of it there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations to get you started.
Day 3 Had little urges in the day when I saw female bodies. But that was not much. I was able to control the next second. I think that is normal. I need to learn to appreciate beauty. Being social. I never felt great urges to see exactly nudeness. As the writer say in "Your brain on porn" I 'trained' my brain to seek pleasure in non-nude voyeur types. Brain does not distinguish with thresholds that this is porn and this is not. It is a kind of unnatural overstimulating that is harmful for brain. And that is why seeking non-nude on internet is also bad. But that is I think more hard to stop as one may accidentally pass on with such arousing images much more easily than nude images. This makes my journey tough. May be with a better preparation I will pass in the days to come.
Day 3 evening Did a 10 min guided meditation on my favourite religious song. Made me calm. Planned to do some sketching. Will enhance this hobby of mine in the days to come. I fear the days when I will be alone in the room. What to do I have not decided. That day I may fail. God please help me.
Day 4 A little exercise before my day's business makes me tired till evening. Maybe that is a part of rebooting. I should take energy drinks juices. Triggers/cues are great enemies for recovering guys. One should know what all triggers them. List should be there. For me loneliness is the strongest trigger. I know that on my Days 7-8 I will be alone. I need to prepare alternative rewards for that event. First I need to put off the internet. Then put away laptop and mobile. I may read on Kindle (which I am very fond of). I will do sketching. I will call friends on phone (oops! for that I will have to use mobile, dangerous! Will call while walking on terrace). Am planning to call about 10 of my friends in those two days. Still I feel, I may not pass through the trigger event. I request my readers to please suggest me more.
Day 4 evening Did mindfulness meditation for 10 min. I hope to continue this as a daily routine. It helps me freshen up once again after day's work.
Keep reading and researching. That means you're putting effort into this. Participating here can help a lot of us because it keeps us in the fight. You're doing well. Keep going
Thank you. My research is on. We should strike at the right place in order to effectively get rid of any problem. Let us consider and accept PMO as just another problem. Hope I will succeed myself, after which I will do this noble cause to help make others come out of this trap.
Day 5 Was a normal day's business. But feeling energy-less till evening. Totally consumed. Had a good head massage from my kind wife. Was feeling sleepy just after that. Forgot to meditate. May be I am currently in the state of a flatline. As they describe it. All rebooters face this. May be 2 months or longer upto 2 years. No libido, less energy, tiredness, insomnia.
Day 6 I am really facing a flatline. My brain wants rest. Rest from unnatural stimulation. Actually I used to see "porn substitutes" and not actually porn. And then edging. My brain used to get ultra-filled with dopamine for hours before relapsing. It needs rest now. Enough. Let it rest. Am in day 6. Had a good early-to-bed-and-early-to-rise sleep.
Day 7 I knew this day would be a challenge for me. As I were to remain alone at home. But I avoided to be at home right from morning. I went out. And I didn't come back. I remained on road . Stopped at the road side. Thought . I cannot take chance. Don't want to relapse. Don't want to go back in depression and anxiety. So remained on roadside. Phoned to two of my friends. One of them was in city. He was very happy to get my call after a long time. He asked me to come to his place. I found a great escape. Spent a good afternoon with him discussing life. When I came back home, I was a different me. I had no urges to relapse on. I was a winner that day. Hope that I will win on each day like this.
Day 8 Again a challenging day. But I understood right from the morning. I thought about plans to go somewhere. Away from home. Even I could have gone to some movie hall. Because that would be with others. Not alone. And that was interesting also. It would have worked as a reward to my brain. Alternate reward. Not a porn like reward. But somehow I missed the tickets. But I did not come back home. I remained on roads wandering. Long distances. Came back after some hours. And was a winner that day too.
Day 9 Monday bring normal business once again. This day I knew that there is one more trigger event. That is bad time with girlfriend/wife. Had some dispute exchange of words with my wife who is obviously unhappy these days due to PMO (She don't know about this I never told). This made my mood go back in anxiety and had suicidal thoughts . After this I had urge to do PMO. but somehow with music earphones I managed to calm down.
