I just read a couple of posts here and I think my problem seemed minor to yours guys. I started masturbation at age 9 I think. And for no good reason. I had no idea what I was doing and it lasted till today. I feel ashamed just thinking about it right now. Actually mom caught me once but never said anything latter on and we never spoke about it ever since that time. I wish she had done something to help me stop but she did not. I think that's why I looked down at myself and became shy, crying for no reason as a child, feeling something wrong with me but can not express it and never talked to anyone about. I didn't have internet connection till I graduated from Univ. That's when I started watching porn till today. I could stop and fight and then back out of depression and frustration and some times I feel like this is my punishment cause I am bad and ugly. I have no one at all to talk to about that and I think I will never do. Some of you guys talk about honesty. I don't think so. Everyone will look down at me. They already do for many reasons. I am in pain and no one could understand. Yet, I know the only help I can get is by working on myself. I do feel down and I don't know why I am a live. Nothing positive work for me. I try to achieve something in everyday but it became meaningless.
Believe me, no one will look down on you for anything you say here. I've done so many shameful things myself that it's impossible to judge anyone else. The way you're feeling is very common and we've all been there. If you need support you have it!
Man don't beat yourself over it. We all done the same mistake I started masturbating when I was 14 yrs till today I'm still doing it or actually battling the addiction. Your mom probably as woman she was shy to talk to you about that. Maybe if it was your father definitely will say something about it. Don't lower yourself esteem I have seen many, many very ugly guys dating very beautiful women. The only reason they know how to talk to them. You are only 28 yrs the only thing that holding you to be the wonderful person that you are is porn and masturbation. Those two cause isolation and low self esteem. Trust me if you abstain from them you will gain self confidence and the manly look that attract every girl and also you will enjoy freedom and more time out rather than spending watching past videos of someone who had sex and he or she are the only one who enjoyed it not millions addicted viewers. You can do anything you want in this life if you have faith in yourself but first you have to fight the evil with in yourself and trust me my friend you gonna laugh about your old self.
Reaching out here is a good starting point. I wouldn't begin to tell you half of the things I've done during addiction. Well I would and then I'd probably cry. No sense feeling shame. Addiction doesn't need an excuse to do things you later regret, it just does them. There does a come a time where we must face our choices and learn from them however, if one wants to find lasting freedom.
I started masturbating by the time I could walk! Because the stuffed animals in my room just begged me to hump them!
I can literally recall dry humping stuffed animals before kindergarten. By the time I was in kindergarten, I was playing 'Doctor' with a neighbor. I was humping my best friend naked before puberty and my sexuality was stolen from me by the internet at 12 or 13! Stolen! PMO daily for 5 years straight almost! Don't feel ashamed. You cannot heal by feeling shame. But you can heal if you talk about your struggles. Edit: Sorry! This thread is about your story not mine! Was getting carried away!
First of all the ones that would laugh and ridicule you for what you have gone through are the ones that haven't woken up to the reality of porn like you and all of us have. Second of all Those who've said porn is not an addiction are the ones who haven't tried to quit. Me personally I was into some pretty dark shit at one point and at a very young age and I wouldn't feel comfortable telling anyone that except here because I know that there is at one person who can relate. We all have similar experiences just different circumstances and results. that's what makes this community great we all have different obstacles that we have faced but that doesn't mean we have to complete this obstacle course alone and by ourselves. Teamwork! It's all about teamwork people and helping other succeed where one might fail. Which by the way failure isn't a bad thing it's all about perspective and how you view things. View failure as a way of not doing something and then learn from it and grow stronger from it. With pain comes resilience which leads to triumph. Know well that you cannot have one without the other. Stay strong, stay committed and never stop moving
Despite the fact that I am lost at this moment and struggle to make any kind of commitment, I feel relieved posting here and getting feedback because finally some one understand and respect my pain! It's time to work on myself. Still can not set any plans. I have hard time planning and following my plans. Some logs here encouraged me to start mine.. Soon! @plant goodness .. Too much details is not helping anyone!
#First day after sign up to NoFap I had no urges thoughts or feelings. The thought crossed my minds quickly and I immediately get up from my place and changed my state. That was easy. Some time depression makes things look worse than it actually is. Positive distractions, creativity, and less negative self-talk helps a lot.
