I started masturbating without porn in high school, at 12 (6 years ago) after a classmate randomly talked about it while we were all having a chat. I decided to give it a try, and it was pleasurable. And that’s how my disgusting habit started. During high school, my mum didn’t allow me to have much internet access (I can say, that helped me delay this inevitable addiction. I am very grateful for that). During my high school days, while masturbating, I would picture my female classmates in my head. (Side note: I also “lasted long” back then while masturbating, at least 5 minutes if I am counting my seconds properly haha. Now, it is like 10 seconds. It’s unfortunate). After high school, of course, i had internet access, and slowly, the world of porn came into my life. (I can safely say as of this moment, porn has destroyed me). I have never had a preference towards masochism, whipping, all that stuff. One of my very good friends i met after high school in sort of a community college, confided in me, that he had a masturbation problem. I didn’t tell him of mine, i was ashamed. I told him, to stop doing it, to try to resist the urge. (I hope he has now Stopped, because he was new to PMO). I look back at my life now, especially in community college, i can proudly and confidently say i was one of the most social guys of the class. I knew everyone, talked to everyone, laughed with everyone. Now, i have changed, I mostly use my phone with earphones on, sit in my room, Just go to school, return back home, hardly talk to anyone but my very close friends. I am not the guy I knew, the guy everyone (including I) adored. I’m different, I think differently, i see women differently, i act differently, everything is different. I have downloaded so many dating apps, just to find that one girl who wants to get laid, so i can practice all the bullshit i have learnt from porn. Never found that girl, i cant even chat with girls anymore, I’ve lost my flair, my confidence, it is all gone. I’m still on one app, not exactly a dating app, where i have found some people i think I can be friends with, maybe something more. So I won’t delete it for now. But i have to cure this disease before it overwhelms me I do nothing special, I don’t go out, take walks, chat with people on the street, smile (my smile was contagious, my vibe was contagious. I could make anyone happy by just looking at them, now I’m the sad one). You know, things I would naturally love doing; I live and study in a non-English speaking country, and i want to learn the language. I have to speak to people on the street, on people in school, or in parks and blah blah. I don’t. I’m not as athletic as I was (I’m not fat, but I’m moving towards the sedentary lifestyle that i have always desisted so much). Today, the 8th of March 2020, 0630 GMT; I have decided to get a grasp of myself and my life. PMO has taken a huge toll on my studies, my social life, and my body. I will try my best to avoid PMO for as long as I can, and become more social, go out more, socialize. (“Socialize” means i have to learn this language, which is kind of hard. Maybe its because I don’t speak a lot). This also means I have to stop using my phone so much. To the aspiring noFappers out there, never give up, I did 2 weeks non-PMO last year before a huge relapse. Don’t give up. Keep trying. If you need noFap motivation, in my experience, religion is of little to no help. I’m religious, and religion as my motivation has not helped so much. Instead, set out some personal goals for yourself, mental, physical, economical, social, and educational goals for yourself: let that be your motivation. I love y’all. NoFap for life. Fuck PMO!