My story

Hello Fapstronauts,

I feel deeply inspired by all the stories I've read so far and I am willing to give it a try myself.

Let me tell you a bit about myself:

I am a young Christian man and I have struggled with porn addiction for the past 18 years (almost my entire life). I found out about porn when I was a child, when playing around the house I found hidden in a closet a bunch of video cassettes with the disgusting and corrupting material for lustful adults. Back then I was curious (6-7 years old) and even though I was an innocent child I knew that what I was doing was wrong so I never told anyone about it. I kept doing it in secrecy. So I learned how to masturbate and get an orgasm and got addicted pretty quickly. I was always anxious to watch P and every chance or opportunity I had I would not lose it.

Of course this addiction has escalated and I have been watching all sorts of depravity, it has destroyed my life in such a way that I have lost friends and even a beautiful and loving girlfriend. Everyday I regret my actions, I look into the past and remember all the opportunities I have lost because of being addicted to this garbage. It has affected my studies, my relationships, the way I interact with people, my emotions, my perspective of life, everything. I don't want my future to be like this.

I have tried so many times to stop, getting inspired by Godly people with healthy lives and strong and beautiful relationships between their families and brothers/sisters at church, but I have failed every single time. My longest streak has been 14 days (2 weeks), but that was just once. It hasn't happened again.

I rely on the Holy Scriptures and prayer to overcome this addiction, I go to church as much as possible and try to be active; I sing in the church's choir to praise the name of the Lord and also take part in the services, but regardless of all this effort I still fail to stay sober...
Then it hit me... I can't do this alone... God will help me, Amen, but He has also enlightened me to understand that I have to be less proud, take away my pride and share with others my experiences so that I can be honest, completely honest with someone and start healing myself from inside out. I understood that this PMO'ing has made me a selfish person, always thinking about my desires (sexual desires) and giving pleasure to myself, not caring about pleasing anybody else. All these years it has been all about me, myself and I.

So, while in my desperation, I started browsing the web (after a big failure) to see if there was any hope for me and I found this forum. Let me tell you, I am amazed by all the testimonies, the battles and struggles everyone is posting. I feel encouraged when I read that other human beings are going through exactly the same things I've been through. I always thought I was stupid for not being able to abstain or hold myself, I thought that I was the only person in the world not capable of doing so, but there are other like me and more importantly, there are others fighting for freedom and willing to help one another so that each one can reach their goal.

Everything is clever about this forum, the structure, the community, the terminology, the challenges, the counter, everything. I certainly hope I can make it through with God's help primarily and then yours.

Whoever created the NoFap forum deserves a HUGE blessing from the God Almighty.

Thank you!

 

Thanks for the link Bennett, I'm getting educated right now. Thanks for the support aer.