My Worst Enemy................Internet porn & Masturbation

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Tarzan, Nov 17, 2015.

  1. Tarzan

    Tarzan Fapstronaut

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    Hi All,

    Here is the story of my life...


    1. An Horny Kid.....

    When i was 12, I first masturbated and felt like heaven. I found that it is a self satisfaction tool and started blowing 5 times a day in the beginning. When i was 13-14, i started looking for girls and women for sex because i was blowing my dick almost 6 times a day and the lust was becoming stronger day by day. Then I found a girl and she was very young(may be 12 years old), she did not have boobs on that time but she was horny and became a part of my blowing band. I did not know how to sex and had no knowledge of what i am doing but the activities were pleasureful. I only kissed her and ejaculate by shaking my penis. This affair of mine worked for 2 years and i became almost 16 years old guy who was blowing 5-6 times a day including time spent with her. After some time i left her and internet came into my life. It was like seventh heaven for me. Then i felt no need of anyone. I watched porn on my mobile everyday and masturbated everyday in the same flow. Then real incident started form there.......Continuing





    My unknowing friend "Internet Porn & Masturbation"......

    When i had internet, Every time I watched porn. There were only two things in my life by the meaning "internet", One is porn and another is downloading songs. I never even thought there might be several things for my career or studies. Now i needed no one and laid on my place and started shaking. The habit was like like if i am getting laid no matter how many times, i start watching porn and masturbated. The worst part of masturbation was rubbing my self until ejaculation that made me addictive. I continued this for two years and became 18+ years old with average looking guy.







    Its Time for a girlfriend...... with my unknowing friend "Internet Porn & Masturbation"

    It was a time and i was completing my studies and was looking for a girl and i found a girl. She was very beautiful and very charming. I first had sex with her first time in my life and it was pleasures but i still had the habit of internet porn & masturbation. I used to meet her two times a week and spent a very loving life and THEN I THOUGHT TO STOP THIS AND TRIED SEVERAL TIMES BUT FAILED ALMOST EVERYDAY AND FAILED BECAUSE I BECAME ADDICTED WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP. after spending one and half years with her i moved to another city for work and did not meet her for almost one year but i used to talk to her everyday because i loved her and felt horny alone and again the mobile came into my life as my girlfriend.....Then my unknown friend came into my life "Internet Porn & Masturbation". Then i started spending time with my unknown friend and i spoke to her over the phone and thinking about her and ejaculated by sex talk. Now there were two things in my life , One phone sex of Mobile porn and masturbation and was following the same......





    A demon said......................Loneliness is good

    Demon = Rubbing myself while watching porn or thinking erotic images Internet until ejaculate every time i am free.
    I became closer and closer(alone) to me. My social life was not good and became worst because i was thinking too much and never thought that i could be a problem. I was doing the same that caused me SOCIAL ANXIETY and PHOBIA. I used to think negative and the questions of What if were in my mind always and was not enjoying my present life. I was working and trying to fix this through my thoughts and i was WORRYING and NEGATIVE THINKING. I started to stop my thoughts (Negative and Worries). I became very irritating person from inside and was hesitate to talk to anyone. I tried to stop that day by day and became sick






    A gift from PMO................Social Anxiety, Phobia, Worry, Negative talk Depression and the worst ............. MEDICATION

    I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and i became a very worried person and phobic person who was a bad ass guy in his life.
    The sick feeling worked for two years with fucking medication and i was always thinking when i will be okay or not but no improvements because of no regulations and i thought i was becoming crazy and worried. For relaxing i used to masturbate as same as i used to do. But i never thought that this is causing my "brain chemicals imbalance".





    A fight between fear and relax...........

    Fear of getting sick and relaxation from masturbation was battling me inside and i had no control on either..... If i was focusing on fear then Relax(masturbation) was attacking me or vice versa. I left my work and became was fearful and stated staying home because of anxiety & depression that caused fear of unknown and feeling the worst at work. but i struggled and again worked for 5 months and the condition was same. I also had a habit of masturbating at my work place which was awkward. and i stopped taking medication because of addiction to them.





    Finally i was AWARDED BY PMO in my life so far...... Please take a look at them

    Anxiety
    Depression
    Social Phobia
    Premature ejaculation
    Fatigue
    A broken relationship
    worries
    Negative Self-talk
    Mood Swings






    WOW !!!!! WOW !!!!!!! WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    When i was pissed i started focusing on god and Buddha and that helped me to drag from HELL.

    I became spiritual by practicing positive talk and visiting temples and following Buddha and my loving friend where i shared almost everything with him and he was supporting. When i traveled outside and felt that i am feeling AWESOME after a long time and did not masturbate for 5 days and all was awesome. I knew masturbation is causing all these brain chemicals and the guilt of unable to quit it. though i controlled it for 3 days max.
    I visited the "NOFAP" and found that i am not alone here. There are folks like me that have more worst than me and recovered.


    Now its my sixth day and feeling the power........

    I thought i should join and start talking about it with you folks and the my story and its contribution could help brothers and sisters like me. Tomorrow i am gonna complete 7 days and i will celebrate it.



    I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE DAY BY DAY..............



    Thanks Once again my friends,
    Tarzan
    New Fapstronauts
     
    tem0rain, alone_boy and Dean collop like this.
  2. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Welcome! I'm glad you're here. Keep coming back!
     
    Tarzan likes this.
  3. Tarzan

    Tarzan Fapstronaut

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    Today day 7th..... I am feeling awesome and controlling. It(M) tried to trick me but i controlled myself and back on my track. I know there is something waiting for me like god and guys like you and your support will always be needed and appreciated.
     
  4. Time2Stopnow

    Time2Stopnow Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing your story, Tarzan! You're doing great - keep it up!!
     
  5. Tarzan

    Tarzan Fapstronaut

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    8th Day: feeling better day by day. More focusing and energetic and positive.
     
  6. alone_boy

    alone_boy Fapstronaut

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    First of all, Thanks for your story. I have a same situation that you've, the only one difference is that you had some physical relationship. Okay just leave your past in the past. its time to start a new life, new journey and good news you're not alone, we all fapstronaut are with you.
    Regular update your journey, make a target and give the party yourself(I called it self-party) after completing.
    Better to track your progress either on wall calendar or using counter. Good luck brother.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2015
  7. Tarzan

    Tarzan Fapstronaut

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    Finally it 11 day completed and I am feeling energetic and possitive. Porn tried to trick me but I am stronger than I thought. Now I am going to make it more good day by day by not even shaking......... This time is for life....fuck you porn..... Looking for a girl to be physical now......



    Thanks guys you all are awesome.
     
  8. Mr Humble

    Mr Humble Fapstronaut

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    Great story, think about this. If you live your life as a message to the world and you make a success from your own life story. Many other people will be inspired and you will end up motivating the masses of the people just by winning the fight within you! Do it for the world, do it for the people, but mainly do it for yourself!
     
    Tarzan likes this.
  9. SmiesznyKot

    SmiesznyKot Fapstronaut

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    IMHO this story is very interesting and motivating to stay on the way which I have chosen. Remember we are with you and you can depend on us! Good luck fellow! :)
     
    Tarzan likes this.
  10. Tarzan

    Tarzan Fapstronaut

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    No masturbation so far and it is more than 21 days ...... Feeling awesome..... Tahnkyou once again guys
     
    Chef Boy likes this.
  11. alone_boy

    alone_boy Fapstronaut

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    Congratulation buddy, I just relapsed yesterday after 17 days :(
     
    Tarzan likes this.
  12. Tarzan

    Tarzan Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed today................ I am not unhappy. Just have little guilt and shame in my mind. I atleast tried and achieved 22 days.

    Now this is my promise. Guys i will have no porn in my life. Lets get harder day by day. Lets beat the demon. I lived my life like never have. I want to make my life the same again.

    I thank myself and the strong power that i have that is keep motivating. Lets beat this. i am with you guys keep beating this demon. Tomorrow i am going to reboot and celebration for a small achievement that i lived for and every day i will login to nofap and take care myself with the help of you guys.
     
    alone_boy likes this.
  13. improvement

    improvement New Fapstronaut

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    Just because you relapsed doesn't mean your progress is lost, if you binge however you will reverse a lot of the work you have done
     
    Tarzan likes this.
  14. alone_boy

    alone_boy Fapstronaut

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    I am with you buddy. Me too relapsed 2 days ago after 17 days of streak. Let's do it together. good luck to you and me as well.
     
    Tarzan likes this.
  15. Tarzan

    Tarzan Fapstronaut

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    Buddy, I have a question for you. As I have some doubts in my mind so I wanted to clear with you. So they are

    Do you feel guilt about masturbation?
    Do you feel depressed and wait when will it be over?
    Let me know the answers so that I can clear myself
     
  16. alone_boy

    alone_boy Fapstronaut

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    Yes obviously, for M I use to see intimate scene then I fantasize with any girl, woman of real world especially my tuit std and guardian :( which I have to interact in real life. it makes me sad and feel guilt for what I've done.

    I feel depressed for 1-2 days after M for breaking my commitment. I feel energy down. If I don't M, at least I don't have to take the tension for this.

    I just hate this.
     
  17. Tarzan

    Tarzan Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the reply bro..... I will pray to god to cure you before me..... You are such a decent guy
     
    alone_boy likes this.

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