Need help

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Gkm, Dec 10, 2016.

  1. Gkm

    Gkm New Fapstronaut

    Hi, Ima new here.

    I browsed the site a few weeks ago but told myself I wasn't addicted and that I could control myself. A foolish mistake.

    My wife died in May after a three year struggle with a brain tumour and to the outside world I am coping well. But in my head Im a mess! I have two young children for whom I am now solely responsible.

    Since my wife passed I have quickly graduated from porn to cam sites (about 2.5 months ago) Formed numerous 'false relationships' which I can't give up and am spending way way too much.

    Worse one of these so called friends has got my contact details from my indiscretion and I am a little afraid of the consequences. despite this I still find myself visiting the same site every day and forming new 'relationships'

    I have tried to 'control' my addiction telling myself I can visit less and within budget. But in the dark hours I always seem to manage to give myself an excuse as to why 'today' its ok. Sometimes its because I'm celebrating a sale at work (so have the budget and deserve a reward) Other times its because Ive had a bad day and deserve it to cheer myself up.

    I always masturbate and have even taken pills so I can masturbate more! To the outside world I'm ok but inside I'm a mess!

    I hope this place helps, I know something needs to change but I am struggling to even start.

    AndySky180, D . J . and LakeMichigan like this.
  2. LakeMichigan

    LakeMichigan Fapstronaut

    @Gkm Welcome to nofap. You will get a lot if help here that you are looking for. I am sorry for your loss. You are indeed going through a very challenging circumstances and am glad that you caught your self early in the downward spiral.
    I recommend you to start a journal in your age group and start posting everyday. It will build a community of friends for you and you will hold your self accountable more. You will also gain some new skills to cope with PMO. I wish you good luck.
    D . J . likes this.
  3. Gkm

    Gkm New Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your kind words. I will follow your advice. Something needs to change and I hope this is a good start.
    AndySky180 and D . J . like this.
  4. Hi @Gkm , welcome to NoFap!
    I am sorry for your loss. It is normal that we seek shelter from some trauma behind PMO, trying to hide the world that we are hurting. My addiction started when I was sexually abused when I was 10 in the school restroom by older kids, the shame and guilt led me to 40 years of PMO.
    It is a big step that you can understand what is triggering your urges, because this will allow you to be awake and kill those urges as soon as they appear.

    I recommend you to create your own "Emergency Toolbox" with readings that can be handy to read when you start feeling urges to screw up.
    I can share this post with you with my own Emergency Toolbox, it helped me a lot during the first few months, i had them in my cell and read them every time I started falling down:

    I wrote some tips in this post that perhaps will help you too:
    You can watch some interesting videos which are also very helpful in this post:

    I also suggest you to read "Breaking the Cycle" by George Collins, it is a must-read if you are serious about getting rid of this addiction.

    Last but not least, I would strongly recommend you to take the NoFap Academy course if you can afford it. The course is great but the best value are the weekly video calls with @alexander (the creator of NoFap and NoFap Academy) and Mark Queppet, where you can chat with them in real life and listen to other guys's stories and problems too.

    I hope that all this helps you to fight this shitty addiction.
    Let's keep on fighting

    D . J . likes this.

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