Need perspective

Don’t feed the little monster that’s hungry for those addictive behaviors, starve it out.
The more you give in to it the harder the journey becomes.
The good and bad come in waves, if you’re willing to last out the tough times you’ll see there’s always a better day around the corner.
Make sure you’re proactively replacing addictive behaviors with new activities. If you acted or did these things at certain times or circumstances, even if you aren’t aware of it the mind subconsciously Remembers these instances and will inevitably call out for the old habits to be enacted once more. When that occurs you can endure them through or more effectively endure and replace. Do something you’ve wanted to do but haven’t been doing because of PMO. Read, write, exercise, learn a instrument, Or a language. Take advantage of the second wind you get from retaining and advance yourself further.
Research the benefits of quitting. The more you educate yourself on the positives of staying clean and the negatives of giving in, the easier it becomes for the logical mind to win over the base urges and established reward centers.
Don’t hang on to the past you’re trying to move away from. If you’ve got paraphernalia associated with your addiction that you’re still hanging onto; Toss it, delete it, no longer place any significant value on it and move passed it. Don’t overthink your decision to quit. Do so righteously and decisively with no regrets.
The rest comes with time. The longer you stay off addiction no matter how much it hurts or how many new sensations you experience the easier it becomes to say no the them as time goes on.

 

Hey ASHAM. To be honest, I don't really understand the full circumstances of your life for the time being. I only reply with my limited knowledge of real life. I'm younger than you. Regardless, we're on the same journey. The thing about addiction is that you don't wanna make a move unless it's for the sake of the deep hole of addiction. You won't make any move unless it's directing you near the hole. I have no specific strategy myself. Really, it is. My strategies are improvised over time, some work, some don't. But one thing I know is that, when you feel that the monsters you have starting to have control over you, Move your body. I'm not kidding. Just move your body. Move it. Move it when you can. I assume you know the comedian Chris Tucker. Lately I'm watching his videos in Youtube. I have no solution for you (even for myself), but I think it's harmless if you try to move your body when you feel at the edge. Move it like Chris Tucker. I know I sound silly, because I'm no motivational speaker. Hell even I can't motivate myself sometimes. But to me, motivation isn't everything. The number one thing I know is that when you move, you make a difference. Move your leg. Move your hip. I don't know, it's up to you which part you want to move. Because when you move what you can, even if it's easy and silly, slowly, you'll get the sense of satisfaction. Because you do something other than the PMO. It's a good feeling. Satisfaction from the simple things! Hell, just dance if you want! Good luck there.

 

A strong man can be destroyed but never defeated.
Ask your wife to give you some time to heal.
Explain to her that you have childhood shit you need to resolve and that will take some time.
Exercise everyday.
Meditate everyday ( if you can't Meditate, breathwork should be enough)
Write down your emotions and your thoughts on paper/ everyday.
Love yourself unconditionally.
It is not your fault. It is your brain uncalibrated wreaking havoc in your life. Calibrate.
One day at a time.
Focus on the 24 hours ahead.
If you relapse , take notice of your emotional triggers and try again.
Know yourself and you will win every battle.

 

If this was the last week of life on earth, would you care about x?
I’ve been asking myself that lately to get rid of stuff I’ve collected or hang onto for so long. The question has proven useful in a lot of other contexts I am finding.....who knows, it might help you in a moment of indecision about something.

 

I really like all the posts in this thread and I think they are good advice for you to try and see how they work out for you.

But this question is a question that really only you can answer. If you can admit that you are an addict, that porn is a problem and a change in your lifestyle is the only thing that can stop it, I think you can answer that.

Admitting and really understanding that I am an addict gave me a real gift, which was humility. Not that I was worse than others or I should wallow in my negativity but that everything in life was something I could approach and say "what can I learn here and what is holding me back from learning?". I used to turn my nose up at everything, but through making good habits that actually work for myself things can change.

Maybe that can help you by saying, "what about me is real?" and then really taking a look at yourself and testing that out and seeing the results, like people have mentioned, journal when things are hard. Put together why you feel a certain way, what triggers you, when do you feel stressed and what you can do about it. Doing things differently and realizing you are doing different will help every day. Figuring these things out is a personal challenge for everyone of us and its an experiment, but its your life and who you are, the addiction that we've thought was us for so long is not us deep down. It sounds like you're trying to really get things together and I hope this can help at least somewhat.