Need serious advice

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by huhh, Nov 1, 2016.

  1. huhh

    huhh Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,

    I am 28 year old male from Belgium. I have been addicted to porn since I was 14. At the age of 23 I managed to stop watching porn for a year but I did MO. At the age of 24 I relapsed porn and I can't quite ever since. It has been 4 years!! I try and don't get past a 2 week streak. It's like my willpower just completely goes away and just doesn't care anyMore when I relapse. It's as if my motivation and willpower just vanishes and all I care about is PMO. I'm just so struck by the fact that I want to stop so bad but I just can't seem to do it! I know I'm an addict. I'm just so hopeless guys :(.
    My girlfriend left me as well (for different reasons) and if there's one thing I want to do is to stop this habit for good but I tried for years and I can't seem to do it :(. I have tried countless times which makes me think that this is hopeless. I have also developed social anxiety which I didn't have before.

    I just want to know, seriously how is it possible to stop? Is it even possible??? How did you do it???? Is there anyone with some solid advice please?
     
    h215 likes this.
  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    It is possible to stop! You are not hopeless! What strategies are you using to combat PMO?
     
    huhh likes this.
  3. huhh

    huhh Fapstronaut

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    I have started to write down al the reasons for quitting. They are under my pillow on a piece of paper. I have read countless websites about the damage of porn and I'm aware of them. There was a strategy which said not to run away by hiding your phone and computer. So my phone is close to me. But I should ride out the urge and fight the thoughts. I've been trying this but I keep relapsing for the past 4 years.
     
  4. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Here is a starting list of strategies I often suggest to those new or really struggling. Some of these may not apply to you and there are many others but here is some solid advice:
      1. Delete all of the P that you have from your computer and smartphone including the browser history and cookies. This will not stop you but will slow you down.
      2. Identify your triggers. What are the things that you happening in your world to cause you to turn to PMO for escape and comfort! This is the most crucial step in the process.
      3. Once your triggers are identified, determine healthy ways of dealing with those triggers such as exercise, running, leaving the stressful situation and going outside for air.
      4. Masturbation... do not keep your hands to yourself. Unless you are bathing, changing your underwear or actually using the loo, your hands should be nowhere near your penis.
      5. Your bed is limited to only the time you are sleeping. No laying in bed other than that. As soon you awake, you should get out of bed. Can't sleep, if awake for more than a few minutes, get out of bed until you are sleepy enough to go to sleep.
      6. Keep doors open unless necessary. You need to be isolated as little as possible. You're less likely to M when people can see you.
      7. Keep curtains and blinds open as much as possible. Similar reason as above and also allows light inside. Many time M'ing is more likely in dark places.
      8. At night, keep lights on as often as possible. Similar to above, lights on may lessen your desire to fap.
      9. Begin a journal so that others can encourage you and connect with you.
      10. Become active in this community. The more active you are, the less time you will spend focused on you. The less time focused solely on you, the faster time goes. There is an old saying "a watched pot of water doesn't boil any faster", which means for this example, focusing solely on yourself and your issues won't make them go away sooner. It's OK to track progress but when spending more time doing other things that were once important to you and encouraging others, you will notice the time of your sobriety will go so much faster than if you didn't.
     
  5. huhh

    huhh Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for this. I have noticed that my thoughts are mostly the major trigger. Once they pop up, I resist and resist until I don't care anymore and fap. But i will start to keep a journal.
     
    D . J . likes this.
  6. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Awesome! That will allow you to have a way to release the thoughts from mind. Once released, they aren't as powerful.
     
  7. Celibate678

    Celibate678 Fapstronaut

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    I have found that after relapsing it can be quite difficult to get back on your feet again and give nofap another shot. Sometimes it has taken me months or years to get around to really deciding to give it another fair chance. Willpower definitely does lose its reserves when you fail once or more but I think if you can start and get the ball rolling again it may become easier. It's important too that nofap isn't exclusively the only thing you're doing because if you're not filling your time with positive activities that take the place of what you did before, your thoughts tend to drag you right back to where you started. Also, when you beat your old streak sometimes it gives a new surge of motivation. As you get into uncharted territory things may change past the two week mark so maybe set your sights on something more manageable to begin with like three weeks. When you get to that point you may just decide you want to keep going.
     
  8. huhh

    huhh Fapstronaut

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    That's a very good point. My willpower is completely drained. I also notice when I get past the first week, I get motivated and then in the second week I notice that it's a little easier but the fact that i don't feel the same urges makes me feel uncomfortable. And then just some
    Impulsive thought pops up and my willpower and motivations vanishes which makes me go back to PMO. It's mostly when I get a little far in my streak, is when I somehow give in to some impulsive thought to just check out that porn website. All the willpower and motivations are at that moment very weak.
     
  9. tricking mind

    tricking mind Fapstronaut

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  10. Jarin

    Jarin Fapstronaut

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    One thing I would suggest is that you come here everyday and post about your struggles. It will help keep you accountable and it will help keep you focused. I would also learn to meditate and do it every morning. Focus on who you want to be and also every morning wright down your goals on a piece of paper including overcoming your addiction. Keep that paper in your pocket and look at it throughout the day, especially if you feel yourself slipping.
     
  11. Sannyasin

    Sannyasin Fapstronaut

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    You can do this! Think of how many people are struggling with this right now. You are on the path! It doesn't own your will! You have the power to say no!!
     
  12. h215

    h215 Fapstronaut

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    Hey my friend, I feel you, seriouslu...

    I'm 22 now and have been using porn since I was 11. I started fighting agains't this addiction since I met my current gf (at the age of 16) and realize I had PIED.

    So, just as you, I felt helpless, hopeless and all the less you can imagine because I had been fighting against porn addiction for 6 years and just as you, I managed to stay 1 or 2 weeks away from porn and then all of sudden relapsed...

    Anyway, at this time, something is different in my mindset (I'm in day 22 now).

    The one thing that is different this time is my motivation to give up porn. I haven't considered watching porn (not even once) this time during this my reboot until now. And it's not about feeling happy or sad, it's about keeping the motivation as high as possible to quit this fucking addiction.

    In fact, there were days during these 3 weeks that I've felt a shit, sad and depressed. But guess what? Even feeling all this unconfortable I haven't considered watching porn.

    I know that each case is different, but for me getting motivated daily to quit porn has been the cause for me to keeping away from porn withouting even having urges...

    So how do I keep motivated? Well, mainly by posting stuff daily here in NoFap and also by reading articles about YBOP and sucessfull stories...

    By the way, since I started nofap I haven't relapsed!

    All the best my friend, you can do it!!
     
    tricking mind likes this.
  13. EbbsandFlows

    EbbsandFlows New Fapstronaut

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    Meditation! Meditation would help so much. Like any think in life the harder you try to simply resist the more chance there is you will not resist it. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself. Tricky I know but picture yourself how you want to be, your perfect version.
     
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