Need some advice

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Hello everyone, I need some advice. I managed to attain my highest nofap streak to date of 98 days. However, I relapsed recently. This doesn’t sound too bad of course, but I keep binging after the initial relapse every time I obtain a long streak like the one mentioned above. Do any of you have any advice in regards to getting out of the binging mentality?
 
Hey man, first off congrats for reaching such high streak without relapsing. How was your routine and habits while you were in your streak? I would say the hardest time in one's streak is from 90-150 days, after that urges become really weak compared to the beginning, but it requires some self improvement and discipline. Try to get a hobby where you spend your time a lot, something that gives you a good amount of healthy dopamine and do that until you feel urges are weak, then you can comeback to a more normal life if you know what i mean.
 
Agent said:
Hey man, first off congrats for reaching such high streak without relapsing. How was your routine and habits while you were in your streak? I would say the hardest time in one's streak is from 90-150 days, after that urges become really weak compared to the beginning, but it requires some self improvement and discipline. Try to get a hobby where you spend your time a lot, something that gives you a good amount of healthy dopamine and do that until you feel urges are weak, then you can comeback to a more normal life if you know what i mean.
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My routine has been consistently good all things considered. I exercise six times a week and I read a book daily. This also extends to meditation and learning a new language.
I’ve also taken up boxing recently which is great because I used to do it when I was younger.
After I have done all of this, I finish my day off by watching YouTube or playing games.
 
Congratulations on your achievement of 98 days. Well done!

With regards to why you slipped, maybe you could spend a little time sitting down remembering and writing everything that was going on in your life the week, maybe even month, before you relapsed. What was going through your mind that day and previous days leading up to it? What stressors, if any, were going on in your life? Sometimes relapsing can be an innocent slip, but it can also be something more insidious and telling.

I knew of a guy who acted out at a particular time each year. When he did, he went all out. I mean big time, drugs, women, booze you name it. I'm not saying you're that bad, but it turned out that he did it at the same time each year because of a stressful eveient he hadn't appreciated actually triggered him.

Maybe you can analyse what was going on leading up to the lapse.
 
PeacefulmindFearlessheart said:
Congratulations on your achievement of 98 days. Well done!

With regards to why you slipped, maybe you could spend a little time sitting down remembering and writing everything that was going on in your life the week, maybe even month, before you relapsed. What was going through your mind that day and previous days leading up to it? What stressors, if any, were going on in your life? Sometimes relapsing can be an innocent slip, but it can also be something more insidious and telling.

I knew of a guy who acted out at a particular time each year. When he did, he went all out. I mean big time, drugs, women, booze you name it. I'm not saying you're that bad, but it turned out that he did it at the same time each year because of a stressful eveient he hadn't appreciated actually triggered him.

Maybe you can analyse what was going on leading up to the lapse.
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I don’t think it’s anything like that. I think it came down to me fantasising about women I saw at work or on the street, even when I was working or doing other things like my hobbies. This only resulted in wet dreams.
What caused my relapse and binge was sexting with a woman I contacted and conversed with. Despite telling her I don’t want to sext, I did it anyway and broke my promise. Keep in mind that I would intentionally flirt with her as well. She also flirted back. After the relapse and binge I cut contact from her and moved on. I know this isn’t the best course of action but I felt deeply ashamed because of my actions.
 
Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think I am.

Like I said, look at what led up to it. You confirmed yourself all the triggers and main events that led to you acting out.

Your problem isn't the binging. Your problem lied in you avoiding each opportunity you had to stop, yet carried on anyway.

It's like missing a plane because you took a late shower, booked the cab late and knowing it was rush hour and the getting upset because you can't catch another flight because it's rush hour.

Binges are crazy powerful moments where your body and mind (the fantasy mind) is so sensitive to all your turn-ons. Seriously, what do you expect? Of course, you're going to keep acting out, you've just awakened the sleeping giant of your addiction.

The problem started with the lead-up to giving in and ll those opportunities to stop that you seem to be perfectly aware of, yet not willing to accept as the issue underlying your binging.

The binging is not the problem here, so maybe try focusing on the triggers, and not the aftermath, when it's all too late?
 
PeacefulmindFearlessheart said:
Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think I am.

Like I said, look at what led up to it. You confirmed yourself all the triggers and main events that led to you acting out.

Your problem isn't the binging. Your problem lied in you avoiding each opportunity you had to stop, yet carried on anyway.

It's like missing a plane because you took a late shower, booked the cab late and knowing it was rush hour and the getting upset because you can't catch another flight because it's rush hour.

Binges are crazy powerful moments where your body and mind (the fantasy mind) is so sensitive to all your turn-ons. Seriously, what do you expect? Of course, you're going to keep acting out, you've just awakened the sleeping giant of your addiction.

The problem started with the lead-up to giving in and ll those opportunities to stop that you seem to be perfectly aware of, yet not willing to accept as the issue underlying your binging.

The binging is not the problem here, so maybe try focusing on the triggers, and not the aftermath, when it's all too late?
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Of course man. I know that I’m aware of what I’m doing but when your brain kicks in to overdrive seeking out dopamine in this instance, It’s difficult to stop despite being conscious about what you’re doing. Unfortunately I lost the battle this time but I’m confident I can do it again no problem. You could say my issue is self control and giving in to triggers too easily. Regardless though, the trigger here has been eliminated thankfully.
 
Hi VandettaHelix,

One train of thought that has helped me in my recovery is called the "Three Circles"

The outer circle are behaviours which are conducive to your physical/emotional/mental/spiritual growth (eg. weight training, learning languages, journaling, etc.)
Middle circle behaviours are those which aren't conducive to personal growth, but ones which can lead to destructive results (eg. perhaps sexting in this case?)
Inner circle behaviours are those which are destructive to your physical/emotional/mental/spiritual growth (eg. viewing pornography, various other sexually addictive behaviours). Once in the inner circle, it is very hard to get out until the deed is done.

If you're in the middle circle, that's the time to check yourself before you begin entering into the Inner Circle (eg. get out of the house, call a friend, etc.).
 
VendettaHelix said:
Of course man. I know that I’m aware of what I’m doing but when your brain kicks in to overdrive seeking out dopamine in this instance, It’s difficult to stop despite being conscious about what you’re doing. Unfortunately I lost the battle this time but I’m confident I can do it again no problem. You could say my issue is self control and giving in to triggers too easily. Regardless though, the trigger here has been eliminated thankfully.
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It's tough isn't it. Kind of like what Soren above just said: once the horse has bolted from the stable, all I can do is wait for it to exhaust itself!
 
Soren K. said:
Hi VandettaHelix,

One train of thought that has helped me in my recovery is called the "Three Circles"

The outer circle are behaviours which are conducive to your physical/emotional/mental/spiritual growth (eg. weight training, learning languages, journaling, etc.)
Middle circle behaviours are those which aren't conducive to personal growth, but ones which can lead to destructive results (eg. perhaps sexting in this case?)
Inner circle behaviours are those which are destructive to your physical/emotional/mental/spiritual growth (eg. viewing pornography, various other sexually addictive behaviours). Once in the inner circle, it is very hard to get out until the deed is done.

If you're in the middle circle, that's the time to check yourself before you begin entering into the Inner Circle (eg. get out of the house, call a friend, etc.).
Click to expand...
In this case it was definitely the sexting that contributed to a middle circle type behaviour. This is what caused me to binge for days at a time. Today I'm back at day 1 so the only thing I can do is keep up my usual routine and write down my triggers plus the process I went through that caused my relapse like PeacefulmindFearlessheart suggested.
 
the second relapse is the key, if you can handle the second relapse that it will all good but if you cant handle the second relapse and the chasser effect, well good luck man
 
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