New Coping Mechanisms

"No (Wo)Man Is An Island"

As you've stated, humans are inherently social creatures; even hardcore introverts need some social interaction.

I've struggled, and still do, with the same issues as you: masculinity, social phobia, isolation. As social creatures, a substantial portion of our learning, well-being and beliefs comes from socializing. This includes stuff like social media. And it's hard to not to let any of this influence us due to the fact our brains are hardwired for such a thing.

It's good that you realise just how harmful this stuff is; self-awareness can be quite the boon.

Anyways, no damn clue why I said any of that. I guess I'm trying to say that not only do I agree with you, I can also resonate with your issues.

Good luck!

 

You have put into words sensations that seem very familiar to me. We're all just people after all. Everyone has their own story and everybody has something in common. One thing people seem to have in common is that they are blind to the commonalities amongst themselves. However as soon as interaction begins, negative preconceived notions tend to fade.

I feel like I'm right where I want to be in my life and have become the person I wanted to be in recent time. The only remaining monolith that looms over me is my lack of friends and a girlfriend. I'm not even socially inept and have good interactions, it's just that more intimate, personally involved relationships tend to elude me. Not giving up though, it's only a matter of time.

 

A friend in need is --- Well, we are friends, indeed.. we are many friends

I saw your post when it first hit, @Bullarrd, and hit Like. But, didn't know the best response. But, @Mankrik pretty much hit it. Why do we /feel/ to lack friends? We "can" make friends, do things with people, and then still feel alone.. how nonsensical is that? Why do some of we all lack connections to others? I don't know, but there is NOTHING wrong with realizing what we're missing and sharing in all our friends here with NoFap. An understanding soul that knows pain and numbness and loss and an empty past. We are here to rebuild together. To heal.

Friends, indeed. One and all.

 

I think many can think back to the time when they first turned away from the world, and all the effort it took to engage in building relationships, and imploded inwards into the dismal habit.

Recovery could quite simply be the reversal of that process, where you once again project yourself outward and socially... even if it requires vulnerability and fear on your part. As they say, practice makes perfect.

 

Very well put. It is not healthy to live in isolation.

 

This is an important conversation to have. I believe many addictions including PMO are born out of frustration. I ask myself... frustration at what? and the answer is ... lack of relationship. The false intimacy of PMO is no substitute for true intimacy with others (and not in a sexual way) but the type of deep and abiding relationship that comes from the depths of the soul. I know what Bullard meant in relation to coworkers or many such daily interactions. I also agree that we all need to wake up to the harm this behaviour does... I am now doubling my efforts to have interactions not solely motivated by self-interest... to look people in the eye when I talk to them... to mean the things I say and say the things I mean and not play the hypocrite... to listen and not just hear... to wait to hear people out rather than cutting them off mid-converstion to add "my important experience or story" (Oh LORD don't I do that a lot and yet I hate it being done to me). This is my confession on my journey. God bless you all.

 

Yes, man in the mass finds himself in an almost unnatural situation today. Where previously our social instincts flowed freely like water on rocks, now, with our gregarious feelings locked up inside, we are taught to have an initial distrust of our fellow man. I guess this is necessary in order to make a modern competitive economy work, all of which is based on the economy of an all too rational and defensive ego. But so much for economy I say.