New guy with new problem

Witchetty_Grub · Apr 20, 2018

Greetings everyone!
So I joined to see if I can get some answers for my current problem, as well as manage my habit.

Been fapping for 14 years, from age 12.
Feelsgoodman.jpg
So recently, since 2016 actually, I've been doing it more than usual. Mostly due to boredom and lack of hobbies. I barely hang out with friends since I live a couple counties away from them. They also busy with their own stuff. I never made any more friends after college due to growing dislike and distrust of people. Never had a GF. Tried getting one in HS (she was in our friend's lunch group and club), but didn't work out. Gave up since. Been struggling to get a proper job after rage quitting college, but not before living like a NEET for almost a year. (I don't recommend it)

Started smoking weed around the begining of 2014 and began more frequently around 2016. I used to be insecure when I was younger due to being diagnosed with autism (which is total BS to me) and being treated like I was incompetent by my dad and stepmom. My shitty grades didn't help either. I also dropped out of college after 2 years. I had no career goals other than "go to college."
Now IDGAF and hold a sour bitterness, yet sarcasticly-positive outlook on life. (I recently took up the word: Grimdank) But it can only do so much.

Lately, I haven't been reaching my personal goals and have been experiencing more failures and misfortune. I keep going from job to job, payments up the ass, been in a car accident due to lack of sleep from a shitty job, and I barely find video games enjoyable, unless I'm stoned. I've also experienced some aggressive anxiety attacks due to stress from said failures, but managed to power through them and accepted them.

Ramblings aside, the main reason I joined is because I recently experienced an injury from fapping. Was 7 days ago and I recently just came back from a doctors appointment. I explained to him my issues, and he recommended I cut back and find ways to change my lifestyle. Maybe I can, but may take time.

But for now, if there's a forum where I can talk about my fapping injury and how to deal with it. I'd appreciate it.

Thanks!
-Witchetty_Grub

byeoldfriend · Apr 20, 2018

Hi @Witchetty_Grub, a lot of stuff going on, isn't it? Let's deal with one problem at a time. Let's stop this self-desctructive fapping habit. You are in the right place for doing that. Read the Getting Started guide; it will help you to understand the problem and will guide you through your first steps in the community and to set your goals.

Try to deal with one problem at a time, compulsive masturbation and porn addiction are good things to start dealing with. Get involved with other users stories, it will help letting you know that you are not alone. Take advantage of the lessons in the Success Stories section, it will help you to undestand where you are going and will keep you motivated. And, most of all, be pattient. Problems don't just go away from one day to another. But if you develope discipline, you will start to see your progress.

Welcome my friend, and cheer up!

Witchetty_Grub · Apr 21, 2018

Thanks for the welcome. I appreciate it.

However, my main concern is my injury. It happen whilst under the influence of alcohol and marijuana. Seven days after my injury until now, I'm experiencing erectile dysfunction and it's concerning me.

My doctor told me to give it a rest, but I feel it is better to check with a Urologist due to my condition.

Unfortunately, I'm having trouble finding one and I am really financially challenged.
I am still willing to go through the whole reboot thing, but like what Byeoldfriend said "one problem at a time"

So here's my problem:

Witchetty_Grub said: ↑

One night, I was playing COD:WWII whilst under the infulence on alcohol and cannabis. Around midnight, I decide to masturbate. Cant remember if I did a few hours ago before that.

Sometimes, whenever I'm high or crossfaded it takes me around 40-50 mins to masturbate.

So anyways, my session took almost an hour. A few minutes before climax, I felt a painful sore on top of my left testicle. (The high one) Then after the session, I continued playing my game. And from then until I went to sleep, I felt the sore resonating almost every 30 secs. I assumed that I just tapped it.

The next morning, the sore was gone, but left a tight sensation right between my left leg and groin along with soreness around my kidney area.

Next to days where just tightness between left leg and groin.

The next day, I woke up with barely enough sleep. Not from injury, but procrastination. The tightness began to resonate throughout my groin and started getting close to my upper thigh.
No pain, just tightness. When to work for 8 hours until 10:30 pm with both legs tired. I made sure not to put too much strain on my injury during work. Left leg feeling more tired than usual.
So I decided to look up symptoms, but got stuff related to testicular tortion and whatnot. I began to panic, but not anxiety panic. More like, nervous "I'm fucked and am about to shit myself" panic. Search through my med insurance documents and decided to set up an appointment the next day.

I could've gotten urgent care, but my family was dealing with enough shit like getting immigration papers, planning a funeral for a relative, and I also owed them around $800 for being behind on expences and overdraft fees. I also didn't trust them with my issue. They already have enough shit.

Anyways, the next morning, I set my doctors appointment three days until today. My left leg felt more tired than usual. The tightness began to resonate further into my left leg.
Leg still felt tired, so I assumed it was due to less blood circulation. I used a heater to warm it up.

The next day, the soreness returns to my kidney area. Later, around night time, I began to feel a tingling sensation in my right testicle. A gentle sore tingling sensation; not as painful as the time of injury.

The next day, both areas between my legs and groin feel a tingling sensation.
Like when your foot is about to go to sleep and you feel these small pricks poking you. The sensation started to spread further into my thighs, but not all around. As the day went on, my penis started to feel dysfunctional. As in it cannot get erect on its own and feels smaller than usual. Both testicles feel gentle sore. (Again, not like time of injury)
Tried testing erection, but takes a bit more to develop.

Now today, I woke up with the tingling sensation reaching up from the bottom of my penis. I'm starting to feel the sensation more into my thighs, and my left ass cheek close to my anus started to feel sore. Luckily, the doctors appointment was today.

I explained to him everything and he tells me to give it a while for the injury to recover. And that for now that I should cut back on masturbation. (Not like I have a problem with that at this point; I think it may have affected my arousal drive or something)

If anyone has any idea to what I actually have, or if this is similar to what anyone else had and resolved, please let me know. I'd appreciate the help.

Please and thank you!
Click to expand...

I am really drunk and depressed atm due to negativity due to personal experience and in need of some answers.

Please help

Witchetty_Grub · Apr 21, 2018

I mean, ok. So it's just because I can't fap. Yea, maybe. It is my fault after all. But my concern is that it is now hard for me to get aroused and I fear that it may be long term to permanent.

I tried checking my insurance, but cannot find a urologist that can be covered.

I feel like I'm being shat upon by God and society.

Again, please help!

Gideonite · Apr 22, 2018

Welcome @Witchetty_Grub to this community. I think you are on the right path if you have gotten to this point of understanding what porn and masturbation has done to you. Reaching out for help and being honest about it all. The best thing that you can do at the moment (not just because of the injury) is to quit PMO one day at a time. Like the previous commenter said it is important to look at the success stories, both for motivation to stay on the streak and for knowledge and guidance. Yourbrainonporn.com is a really helpful website aswell if you are looking to know how porn really affects the brain. Knowing why you are on this path is also helpful. Now that you have an injury it is actually going to be easier to avoid fapping early on. Although I hope you recover from the injury as soon as possible. Godspeed my friend. Stay strong.

Witchetty_Grub · Apr 22, 2018

@Gideonite
You're right!

It seems that it's probably my lack of proper arousal making me panic. (I can get aroused, but just makes the area between my anus and testicle tight) I mean, yea, there's something wrong. I was unable to have it checked immediately due to financial issues and lack of trust in my family. (Not embaressed, but this was out of selfish and reckless desire; they also having issues more serious than my own anyways and I owe them money as well) However I should stay positive and handle it the best I can.

I've been having trouble finding a urologist that can better explain my injury. I'm assuming that I may need surgery, but I'm no specialist. I can't find one that covers my insurance and it expires a few days. So for now, I'll reschedule doctors appointment to a closer date and get more answers. I will also continue my rebooting crusade even after my episode is resolved.

I just hope I didn't lose a testicle or something.

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