New Here!

Hi Everyone!
Today was day 1 of NoFap for me. I do have to say it wasn't an easy task and the day is not over yet.

I'm 31 approaching 32 this year and have been addicted to PMO since probably 14. Of course during the days of dial up modem things weren't as extreme as the streaming video days of today, but if I have to be honest with myself, 14 was when it all started. I never thought it a big issue and assumed it was normal behavior for most guys. It truly hit me 4 months ago when I began having ED during intercourse with my wife. Our marriage began to become shaky and I recognized what the problem might have been. I stopped PMOing for 5 days then went to to the doctor to make sure it wasn't a physical issue and after things improved again in my marriage, I continued with my addiction. It all started so innocently when I was younger, now on the other hand I find myself watching stuff that I never would have thought I'd watch. Before I found out about NoFap I thought that maybe stopping masturbation would help, so I edged most of the time while watching porn. I work form home as a freelancer and my wife pretty much works all day. As soon as she'd leave I would turn my pc on and edge for at least an hour or hours. I began turning up the volume and listening to it in the background while doing chores in the house or smoking a cigarette in the kitchen. Would lie down on my bed to the sound of porn. The rush felt so good! I simply couldn't go without seeing or hearing it. As a break from my work at my desk I would frequently waste precious time browsing sites, and different vids. As much as I could muster before my wife would come home. It's terrible and I feel so ashamed of it. I realize now that it's not just my marriage it's my life that's at stake. I thought that when I was younger I would stop this horrible thing as soon as I find the right woman, but it didn't! I've been suffering from depression and lack of motivation. I truly want to do this and be honest to myself.

Day one was tough. I've been edging so hard lately that it almost feels like I'm trying to quit smoking. Thanks to this group and your resources I've been educating myself more and more. I also find comfort in reading all your stories, hardships and successes.

I'm proud to admit that I'm addicted to porn. This was a huge step. Next step is recovery. I hope I can find the support I need here.

Thank you!!!!

 

Thanks for the warm welcome and your encouragement! I can do this!