I recently broke up with my long term boyfriend. So, I've been in a tough spot for some time. Emotionally and psychologically drained. Great guy, just fell out of love. Over the last several months, I've resorted to collecting and viewing an immense amount of porn. I fear this has led to the end of my previous relationship. I couldn't find him attractive, nor did I have any interest in being with him sexually. Arguments and a lack of commonality were certainly factors as well. So I met an amazing guy a week ago. First date this past Sunday and spent all day long with him today. Sexy as hell, awesome personality, and we just click. I feared I would be unable to perform the first time we tried anything sexual. I failed miserably today to produce an erection, after swearing off porn and masturbation for the last four days in the hope that if I did, I could pop a boner easily. He was okay with it, and I had to reassure that it wasn't him, but me. I got home, tried to masturbate, couldn't get it up, so I gave in and surfed to some porn. Instant hard on. Immediate orgasm. I guess I always knew I was addicted to porn and edging, but this was a stunning realization. Seems so clear now. I can only hope that over time I can solve this ED issue. I want to put away porn forever, and I want to find beauty and passionate sexuality in the person I'm with. I don't want to be embarrassed anymore and I want my mind at ease. If anyone has any tips for starting a program like this, I would love to hear them. I wonder if it's necessary to stop masturbating altogether, and if that can help in breaking an addiction to porn. I mean, I guess ultimately I don't want to have to masturbate, and instead turn to my partner always, so maybe that's a necessary goal. Would love to hear success stories too. I need to know that I can achieve what I'm setting out to accomplish.
Okay. 24 hours completed successfully, but I'm just starting to feel a twinge of ache in my balls. I'm not sexually aroused. So in the past, I would simply PMO to eliminate the pain. What do I do now instead? Just have to deal with it? I assume it will go away on its own. I hope.
It's the next morning. Not surprised that I've made it this far. I did four days earlier this week. I'm so stressed out, embarrassed and still getting over my break up so it's no surprise I don't have any sexual urge or desire to view P or M at this point. I'm sure it will come. Feels good to write and unburden myself some. Hoping this new guy can keep me focused on us instead on just focusing on my addiction and this program. I've decided that full Hard abstinence is the way to go. I've also read, for other newbies out there, that edging is a major no-no even if you don't O. Dopamine levels are elevated for extended periods and even relapses that include edging can be a major setnback. Stay strong guys, and don't give in. The only alternative, if you aren't going with full Hard abstinence, is a short M session on occasion to complete O. But that's not an option for me, I don't think.
