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Not sure which category I belong...but I'm here for change

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by FireMoon, Jun 6, 2019.

  1. Jun 6, 2019 #1
    FireMoon

    FireMoon New Fapstronaut

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    I'm a woman in my 40's and a survivor of many childhood traumas. I was abused very young with porn by my brother. Repression of my own desires, love of my own body, and personality led me to a late in life "blooming". My first marriage was to a confessed porn addict who manipulated through religion; "all things are permissible, and a wife submitting to her husband in all things"...bringing much confusion and disconnect between religious values and sex. A second marriage was based on abandonment issues and not wanting to be alone along with an unplanned pregnancy. That was an emotionally abusive situation. I have 4 children-2 from each marriage. The second husband flaunted that he was a manager of and boyfriend of a porn star. Later it would come out that he popped pills and was an alcoholic. I've been divorced for 6 years, and went through a long period of time searching out my own sexuality. Finally, I met an amazing man (17 yrs younger than me) and we've been together almost 2 years.

    By this point I had become much more connecting to my body, my wants and desires. I even experimented alone with porn once in a while believing I was just uptight, and had a bias against it from the abuse. I mean I could say the same about sex, and moved towards a healthier relationship with myself in that area. The new relationship provides me almost everything I've ever wanted, but one day he introduced me to his porn preferences. He said he'd never shared that with anyone, and I thought maybe this was an opportunity to heal that aspect of myself. He knows my past with abuse. I tried to allow porn into the bedroom occassionally, and he's never pushed it. An incident happened that created a new trigger and now with him instead of just the past. I tried to reintroduce porn in our bedroom after a year of the incident to try to move past it, and it only confirmed that it is not healthy for me. I've decided to stop viewing it, and am seeking support here while continuing in this relationship with someone who continues to view it. Suspicious I met end up in the SOS group. Well anywho...howdy and thanks for being here.
     
    FireMoon, Jun 6, 2019
    FireMoon, Jun 6, 2019
    #1
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. Jun 6, 2019 #2
    RisingTrojen

    RisingTrojen Fapstronaut

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    First of all you need to understand that watching porn just makes you a slave of it.Being a slave of some one is awful.You need to keep that in mind.If you have an aim of getting things back on track,prepare a plan and set a goal.(NOTE:I am not promoting to do M as well P,read it till end. )Goal should be like i will only masutrbate or watch porn after 10 days.If u set this goal,go do it.So you said that you havent watched porn for 2 day's,GOOD!!.Now make a target of 4 days.after that do it again.next time slightly extend your goal.When you do M or watch porn you will surely start to feel like "I had a 2 day streak,yet I did it and I feel like a doche bag.how beautiful my life was..and now what....Should I do it again.Should I ruin the joy.Should I be a slave to someone."This feeling will make you stay out from it. I am trying to making you to stop this misery by makeing you feel that doing M or watching porn is just a waste.This is how i stopped for 1 month before i turn back to it.Always remember about your beautiful kids.
    Sencondly..as everyone say....
    • Dont think about sexual scenes in mind.if you think for more than 3 sec..its over.
    • Slap on your face if you get any thoughts.
    • Workout daily.
    • If you have energy left, workout till you think you can raise a finger(only at emergency)
    • Cold bath.
    • Talk to your loved ones.
    • Build up a talent.(you are not born with talent.its build on hardwork and dedication)
    • Be an active fapstronaut ,welcome new members,give support to people with urges.
    • Touching your genitals is a big no no.
    • I/you/everyone over here was a fapper/Porn addict. we all know how it feels what it would happen if we fap/watch porn.give suggestions/advice to others with difficultiy in nofap community.

    Freedom to do what you like is good.
    If the good can hurt you it is bad.
    Freedom to do bad is being a slave of your own
     
    RisingTrojen, Jun 6, 2019
    RisingTrojen, Jun 6, 2019
    #2
    FireMoon likes this.
  3. Jun 6, 2019 #3
    Always be positive

    Always be positive Fapstronaut

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    Always be positive, Jun 6, 2019
    Always be positive, Jun 6, 2019
    #3
  4. Jun 6, 2019 #4
    Fightyourlowerself

    Fightyourlowerself Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the community Firemoon.

    One tip from my personal experience is that there is a link between the urges and overeating or eating a lot of food like meat or junk food. So If you find your urges are getting too much have a think back to what you have eaten that day and you might realise this is causing some of your problem.

    I think you might also benefit from joining the women in reboot section and I think they also have an exclusive group.

    Best of luck on your journey.

    P.S Your story broke my heart :( I really hope everything works out for you
     
    Fightyourlowerself, Jun 6, 2019
    Fightyourlowerself, Jun 6, 2019
    #4

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