I'm a woman in my 40's and a survivor of many childhood traumas. I was abused very young with porn by my brother. Repression of my own desires, love of my own body, and personality led me to a late in life "blooming". My first marriage was to a confessed porn addict who manipulated through religion; "all things are permissible, and a wife submitting to her husband in all things"...bringing much confusion and disconnect between religious values and sex. A second marriage was based on abandonment issues and not wanting to be alone along with an unplanned pregnancy. That was an emotionally abusive situation. I have 4 children-2 from each marriage. The second husband flaunted that he was a manager of and boyfriend of a porn star. Later it would come out that he popped pills and was an alcoholic. I've been divorced for 6 years, and went through a long period of time searching out my own sexuality. Finally, I met an amazing man (17 yrs younger than me) and we've been together almost 2 years. By this point I had become much more connecting to my body, my wants and desires. I even experimented alone with porn once in a while believing I was just uptight, and had a bias against it from the abuse. I mean I could say the same about sex, and moved towards a healthier relationship with myself in that area. The new relationship provides me almost everything I've ever wanted, but one day he introduced me to his porn preferences. He said he'd never shared that with anyone, and I thought maybe this was an opportunity to heal that aspect of myself. He knows my past with abuse. I tried to allow porn into the bedroom occassionally, and he's never pushed it. An incident happened that created a new trigger and now with him instead of just the past. I tried to reintroduce porn in our bedroom after a year of the incident to try to move past it, and it only confirmed that it is not healthy for me. I've decided to stop viewing it, and am seeking support here while continuing in this relationship with someone who continues to view it. Suspicious I met end up in the SOS group. Well anywho...howdy and thanks for being here.