Objectivity towards PMO

I think you should just look at it from the perspective of "will it make you happy" or not (especially in the longer run not just right now), actually hating it is indeed probably not helping, though I think it is important to recognize the lie behind the urges. I had to find more sympathy with myself and my struggle, as well as compassion and empathy for the sex workers I was gawking at. The whole PMO mechanism revolves around reducing yourself and others to objects to be used to produce a high. It literally requires your mind to go into a sort of harvesting auto pilot mode. Hating yourself or the action is prob also a just another 'reduced' state of mind. What you need is more awareness which means less emotion, less thought. Don't shut down the emotion and thoughts just stand apart from them. They are not your true self. Your true self is awareness. The best way I know how to become more aware (besides things like meditation and conscious breathing etc.) is to look for the real truth and the real compassion in every situation

 

What helped me was focusing on the positive. I am not a fapstronaut but hated porn nonetheless for obvious reasons. The more I hated it the more depressed I felt because it literally is everywhere. What I do now is focus on those of us who are no longer engaging in porn, those articles that are shedding light on how bad it is and the fact that there is a whole growing movement against porn. I think about my kids and my relationship and how much better it is since we discovered how detrimental it is for society. I don't hold resistance to it anymore and .i get my thought momentum behind positive thoughts about it.

 

As far as how it effects my abstinence ... I would tend to wonder if the the hate of it had some weird reverse psychology effect that would draw one back ... Given how utterly ingrained sex is in th human psyche.

On the other hand, do I hate my relationship to it? Can't deny that I do.

It's certainly hard to think of many benefits of p for society. I think there may be a few perhaps minor ones. But, as I sit here trying to contemplate I realize thinking about it's dangerous territory so I give up!

It has no benefits for me anymore.

 

Thx man It typically helps me to write and be engaged here, and it is good to know it's appreciated.

Yeah you're right "real truth" is an awkward statement
I meant that on the immediate surface the 'truth' and 'compassion' to me at first appeared to be: "she's hot, I'm horny, I can't have her. It would be rude to pursue her even if I could. Might as well make myself feel better and fap"... it never struck me this was not the full truth and I was not being compassionate either to her or myself. Never linked my general apathy to fapping, I thought it made me feel generally better Took me years to grasp it wasn't about sexual release and was more like an addiction fueled by emotional issues I was completely blind to. For me it also took a long time to peel back the layers of the onion on porn. Finally realizing that the actors are prostitutes, realizing that they are faking it, realizing that they are often either in pain and / or are on drugs painkillers and more, realizing that they are often coerced and paid little, realizing many actually have emotional / self esteem issues of their own that lead them into this. The onion has so many layers, yet at every layer I was convinced I knew and understood the whole picture. Something like that.

 

Yeah this is really important for me because you are right it is everywhere. And worse: even regular femininity without obscenity or deliberate flaunting of sexuality can have a similar effect on my mind. So clearly as an addict I don't want to live hiding in a cave, either physically or mentally, I want to be able to deal with seeing any level of sexuality without it causing me to spiral into my addictive cycle. Real freedom for me is being able to live in the world, and remain confident I can deal with what it throws at me. Of course I doubt I am completely beyond temptation, but I am still surprised how my reboot cleared my mind.

 

Here's my thoughts. I'm from the school of thought that PMO is only "bad" if it INHIBITS you from doing productive things. But as far as basing my entire existence on NOT fapping, I don't really see the point. Live life honestly with no baggage or guilt. You like porn? Go nuts! Have a ball. But just make sure when life's responsibilities come knocking at the door you answer it. Don't miss your child's music recital for a pleasure session that goes from 15 minutes to 2 and a half hours. I've been there. And I can honestly say that those days are behind me. Yes, I still fap. But I'll never compromise my job over it. I'll never screw up my fledgling career for it. Life is too short. Enjoy it on your own terms. And keep your eye on the ball.

 

I adhere to the school of thought which says its best to be as emotionally unattached as possible.

As you said by talking about how much you hate it you are giving power to it. I would say don't give it power or attention, ignore it.

Because of this i don't think about the morality or how it ruins lives, i feel doing so would actually make this process harder because it will make me emotionally invested.

I'm doing this to improve my health and the enjoyment of my life, no more no less. Because of that i feel it will be easier then focusing on the daemon.