Old habits came back...

Hello friends, so this is my story. I came on this website after falling back to my addiction. I abstained from PMO for a good year all on my own(feel pretty proud about that)....but then I had a relapse. Now that I got back to it I honestly feel super fake. My self-esteem is lower, concentration is 0 (since its all I'm thinking about!)and I keep telling my self its okay. Even though I know that its not. Its just when I'm in the moment I'll have all these dumb reasons why I should just go for it (like, "this is my opportunity", or some dumb shit like that). Plus its gotten to become like a ritual that I need to complete in order to go to sleep(and sometimes out of the blue). To top it off, its so time consuming! you know how hard it is being all sneaky with your loved ones! I don't have anyone that will really try to help me without judging me so that's why I'm actually on here. I need moral support. I did it once, I think I can do it again! I already have two days down, hard mode 90(now its 88) day reboot here I come!

 

Okay. Life is stressful. Like really stressful. I guess thats why I keep falling back. This is my 5th day, Im going to sleep. Lets hope I dont slip up.

 

Shit. Why! I messed up... six days in and the stress was killing me I relieved myself and moed. Feel depressed and my my brain is in a haze but going to start again!

 

Okay almost day three ever since I PMOed. QUITTING coffee and sleeping more is one thing that definitely makes things better on my end. The stress(which is usually the trigger) is no longer there! but now I must work on boredom and being home alone. Just must get a plan going and I think Ill be fine. One day at a time!!!