Old lurker decides to join

Hello everyone,
I'm not exactly new here. I came here from /r/nofap some time last year and I've been lurking around since, reading reboot logs and so on.
I'm 25, I've been hooked on PMO the last 10 years of my life, but more so the last 7 years. For as long as I can remember I've always been ashamed of this habit and I've wanted to quit without success. I stumbled upon nofap reddit sub in 2013. I've reset multiple times since. The highest streak I've done is last year early which I completed 59 days and late last year where I managed 75 days. I can say I've had a messy life tho I've accomplished the basic I should as a student in university. But my social life, and personal life have not been what I had had in mind.
Currently I'm on day 76 of my streak. I am a muslim and have never been with a woman, hence I dont know if I have PIED DE or other issues with sex. All I know is that just like everybody else I have difficulty interacting with ladies. I haven't PMOd since I turned 25. The streak hasn't been completely smooth especially from mid of my second month. I've had severe mood swings, panic attacks and just plain fear. But I've gotten insights into my issues that I had not realized before this. I have plagued myself with shame for so many years, I grew depressed. My face sells me away every time I meet people and I try to feign a smile or excitement. I know no neutral face. If I try to be neutral, people tell me I look tired or depressed. My sleep isn't refreshing. I have periods where i don't have sweaty palms and periods of extreme anxiety and fear.
But I've realized I have a number of issues which I need to take care of one at a time. I have to let go of my past and all the shame I carried all this while. I want to reach day 90 and I hope these symptoms will fade away. I hope to never return to PMO again. I hope to develop myself. I hope to walk with nothing to hide on the streets, be confident and have a high self esteem. I hope to starve the reward circuit in my brain. I hope to be a better man. Im really looking forward for support from this group as I continue on my journey soaring out of this filth that is PMO.

 

Thanks for the encouragement man. Starting a journal is my next step and I'll get to it as soon as I can. Its good to be here.