Hi all, At first I was a bit hesitant to make this post because I feel that I am still at the very beginning of my reboot/recovery process, but then I thought that if somebody finds my post helpful in some way then it is certainly worth to write it. I will update this post in the future if and when I feel that I have something important to share. If you want to take a look at my journal you can find it here: I can do this - oldpunk's journal Background I am 43 years old man who has been heavy user of porn for about 20 years. Before that I wasted almost 10 years of my life by fapping to fantasies of girls I knew. When most of my friends hung out with girls I fapped at home to my own fantasies. Not something that I am very proud of. To make matters even worse, I quickly learned a technique called edging which meant that I kept myself aroused for hours at time and only allowed myself to O at the very end. If I would have time machine I would travel back and slap myself onto face. I have suffered from PIED for most of my adult life. There has been absolutely nothing wrong with my equipment, but I just have not been able to get aroused enough from real female to get erection. I have consumed ED drugs from the age of 25. Sometimes they worked if I used dose high enough, but way too often I couldn't get (or keep) it up even with them. Which is pretty understandable because I didn't feel aroused enough. For big part of my life I have carried shame inside me. Something that I have had to hide from everybody else. I have felt so broken that sometimes I have thought about killing myself to get rid of all the pain and memories of failures. Motivation I divorced last year and began to think about my past life. I understood that porn has played a major role in my life. I have let it ruin so many years of my life and I didn't want it to ruin my future too. Some months ago I met a very kind, loving woman and fell in love with her. I made a decision that I will not let my porn addiction to destroy the beautiful thing that we have together. At first I didn't have courage to tell her about my addiction, but last week I finally confessed it to her. She didn't judge me, but hugged and understood me instead. 60 days clean Already at the day one I made a decision that I shall not relapse. It is not an option. Also, I made a decision not to fight porn. I simply will not think about it at all. I realized that porn has not been about sex for me, but about managing my feelings and emotions. When I have felt bad, anxious or nervous, I have used porn as outlet for those feelings instead of actually dealing with them. For me this was the key thing to understand. Now when I feel bad about something I go outside for a walk, do heavy workout at gym or just write down my thoughts. I have not masturbated at all during the past 60 days, but I have O'd quite many times when I have made love with my loved one (there was a weekend where we made love four times during 24 hours). I am still using Tadalafil but my dose is only small fraction of what I used to have in my previous relationship. I am planning to use it for some months and then taper down the dose to get rid of it totally. I did have few weeks flatline some time ago and I got shit scared of it at first, but then I remembered that it is part of the process. I will not be surprised if it returns on some day. The recovery process is not linear and we are not machines, after all. Benefits so far (although honestly I didn't expect to see much benefits at this point when I started my reboot): I feel no shame about my addiction anymore. I have forgiven myself and learned from the mistakes of my past. My morning wood has returned. I get strong erection already when I'm kissing my loved one. I know that I'm physically able to have sex with her if I want to. I don't need to be afraid anymore. I have felt horny for the very first time in my life. I was really surprised when I felt that first time when I was close to her and damn it felt great! I have not gotten a single random erection yet nor I feel horny all the time, but it doesn't matter at all. The only thing that matters is that when I am with her I really want (and can) to make love with her. Even though I have already seen quite many benefits during the past 60 days I do know that I am still at the very beginning of the recovery process. But it is a damn good start!