Only watch 1 pornstar, then no more novelty? (Bizarre thought)

Helo, I just sign up account to state opinion for the particular issue stated in the title.

I saw question like below:

1) Nofap forum – “if novelty is the problem, then...”

2) Nofap reddit – “What about watching just ONE pornstar exclusively?”

Well, I can understand why they ask the question like this. Because I also ask this. Until certain stage of the rebooting, your addicted self is fighting so strong, then you will start to have bizarre thought like this. It is actually your addicted self is convincing to watch Porn again. For me, the best solution is actually try to write down the reason why you cannot surrender, and build up the concrete logic, strong enough so that you cannot find any reason to surrender to Porn.

But unfortunately, for this particular bizarre thought, it seems like there is no strong convincing point outside there, or there is no point presented solely for this particular thought, and the comments presented regarding this is mostly “no, it is impossible to only watch 1 pornstar”.

Well, yes, I actually agree that it is impossible to only watch 1 pornstar. But then, this point is not enough to beat up the addicted self. The addicted self will start to think “well, maybe you can”. Of course, you might say that why don’t I prove myself? Stick to 1 pornstar, then get bored. But I afraid of that. I afraid that this will become my reason to relapse. I afraid that I might need to use another few years to prove this, or make this convincing enough. (as in 2nd link above, there is 1 commenter said he only stick to 1 pornstar)

I will debunk the bizarre thought: “What about watching just ONE pornstar exclusively?” This is to let me look back when I am about to relapse, and hopefully can give little help to other Fapstronauts.

NO! It will still cause your dopamine release ABNORMAL, even though only stick to 1 pornstar. (let just assume that can be done in real life)

Dopamine release abnormal > need more dopamine to feel motivated > only Porn give that dopamine spike > life become more shit

Even though stick to 1 pornstar, the result still same.

Why?

From the website below:

Your brain on porn- Start here: Evolution has not prepared your brain for today's porn

I believe that most of the Fapstronauts have seen the above link from YBOP, the most basic. And thank god, thank Mr. Gary Wilson, he stated clearly that NOT ONLY UNLIMITED NOVELTY cause the abnormal dopamine release in the brain when watching porn.

He just didn’t elaborate much on it. (Well, I suppose that only porn addicts like us will have this kind of bizarre thought, because the addicted self has taken control of us, hypofrontality changed our brain, causing us to lose comman sense).

In the section Supernormal Stimulus, Mr. Gary states that Porn is Supernormal Stimulus, not only because of unlimited novelty, but also because porn:

- is Supernormal Stimulus, violate expectation. (not normal, too concentrating, too exaggerated)

Why? When you only watch videos of 1 pornstar, it is still not the same as real life girlfriend. Real GF don’t have artificial breasts, she won’t move like in Porn, she won’t scream like in Porn, she won’t 24 hours standby for your lust, she won’t have intercourse with you within first 3 minutes for the whole thing. Real GF will speak to you, laugh together with you (Not laugh to you), connecting the emotion with you. Before the whole thing start, the foreplay will include the eye contacts, hugging each other, kissing each other. In real life, there will be no 3 mins then straight away intercourse. You feel your GF (research showing that the couple having skin contact cause the brain to release oxytocin and reduce stress, especially in men. Referring Gary Wilson reply in comment thread in YBOP- “What if I masturbate (edge) or watch porn without orgasm?”) But with PMO, what are you connecting? Your own hands? Or the object you use to M? And your body knows that. Your brain knows that you are not connecting with anyone, despite the visual stimulation. Your brain confuse, then causing dopamine dysregulation.

Porn is too concentrating, you can actually control the video, fast forward, or move backward to the perfect scene. Every click like this, is causing dopamine abnormally spike. Porn is actually only playing the intercourse part, without emotion part, or communication part. Hence too concentrate.

- is causing intense emotion, and intense emotion cause abnormal dopamine rise, abnormal dopamine = dopamine dysregulation (please search in YBOP site, there is a lot of scientific paper mention this, I am just not really gone through all papers)

What intense emotion Porn causes? Basically, in Porn, you are just watching other people has sex. You want the girl, but the other guy is actually engaging her. Won’t you feel shame? Won’t you feel anxiety? Again, from the YBOP link above, shame, anxiety, shock, is actually causing abnormal dopamine rise, and in long term, you might misunderstood that as “high”. Some of you might ask, what if watching lesbian or the pixelated girl M? Well, you get aroused, but actually you get NOTHING. You want it, but you are just hitting the glass, and your body KNOWS you get nothing. So your brain dopamine is dysregulate in that way also.

And let us just don’t mention all those hardcore porn. “WOW!” definitely causing intense emotion.

Also, Porn cause social anxiety. Why? Because of sensitization, now every women moving on the street will become sex object in your eye. You will always nervous, because you just want to engage them on the bed, every second you look on them. And social anxiety will cause depression. Previously, I am always hurt by the girls in real life, I decided to use Porn to separate myself from real life girl, so that I won’t think about any real life girl anymore, hence no chance to be hurt by them (I know this is really lame, please bear with me). Well, it is impossible. AND I NEED TO SAY IT SERIOUSLY, so that you all can take that as REAL conclusion, not some story I made up. It is impossible. I have done this for 10 times, every time, eventually when I look at any girls moving, all I think is just want to get their pants off. So every time lead to society anxiety, then depression. So Porn = Not happy. You all have no need to test this, this is ALREADY TESTED. It is called SENSITIZATION.

- involves seeking and searching, whether it is 100 pornstars, or 1 pornstar, you still need to search different videos right? seeking and searching cause abnormal dopamine rise, abnormal dopamine = dopamine dysregulation. Dopamine is also called "seeking circuit".

Also, it involves anticipating. Even though with 1 pornstar, you browse through different videos, anticipating what is the perfect scene. Well, anticipation cause abnormal dopamine spike > need more dopamine to feel motivated > only Porn give that dopamine spike > life become more shit


Well then my friend, it only left our porn addicted self 1 option, which is stick to 1 Pornstar & 1 Video. Shall we debunk that also?


Let’s make a simulation. Assuming that we only watch 1 video in 1 month. The video only involving 1 pornstar normally is within 30 – 40 mins. Let’s take it 40 mins, max. 1 week you will averagely M for 4 times, 1 month M for 16 times. Every time let say you M for 10 mins. 16 times = 160 mins.


That means, every 1 min of the Porn, you are actually using 4 mins to watch it.


I assume that every M session you watch whole video (which is quite impossible), I believe that by the 5th or 6th time, you precisely know every minute, every second of the video. You can memorize it precisely. Which is that is the totally the most not happy thing you can do. With the real life partner, with the monogamy relation, at least every minute in the life you will get new different experience. Hell, even M without P, your every minute is different. But sticking to 1 video for the whole month? Every second is the same for you. TOTALLY no change. EVERY SECOND. (and 1 month is the lowest level, if you get different video every month, with 1 pornstar, it is still considered as novelty isn’t?)


So, please, no more excuse for Porn. It is dead end. DEAD END.


P.S. I know, I know, my English is poor, and may be the structure of the article has serious flaw. May be the whole presentation is weird. But I think that the main point is still there. I humbly asking for all dear Fapstronauts help. Please, if there is any points you think that can be presented in a better way, please feel happy to rewrite the point. If you find any scientific proof the point is correct, please feel happy to post the link. If you don’t want to do it in this thread, please feel free to take this and share with others on other website, best if you rewrite the whole thing and back up with scientific research (I will be the happiest to see that). I sincerely hope that next time someone about to relapse, when they type in “what if I stick to 1 pornstar” on google, they will find this (or may be something similar to this, with all good back up proof, and research), when they scroll down, they will see good reason and logic to make sure that the Porn addicted self is cornered and NOT ABLE to fight back.


Dear Lord, please help us to kick the Porn out of our life.

 

This is awesome. Thank you for the reply. Thanks for helping to fight my self doubt.

You have just provided good example and concrete evidence that there is no way you can stick to 1

pornstar in real life. Logically, if you cannot control yourself to avoid porn, or you cannot stop from

sexualizing every woman on the street, what makes you think that you can control yourself by only

sticking to 1 pornstar? But the addicted self...

Honestly, I myself actually think that I have made a pretty good point and argument. But somehow, my

addicted self is still fighting, trying the best to lure me back to the rabbit hole. Even for now, about

sticking to 1 video, he is still whispering: “no no, you just like sex, it is not about dopamine, you just want

to see hot naked woman…” That is really, really scary.


Then, I will need to constantly tell myself: “Even you M to the pixelated woman on the screen, you will

gain no satisfaction. You will be sad. Even though the Porn is Lesbian Porn or girl doing M, you will

always just feel sad. A deep sad. This is because your body knows it very well, you get excited when you

see the girl on the screen, and in real life, you are supposed to hug her and kiss her. But now looking on

the screen, looking the girl on the screen, the only thing you hug and kiss is your pillow. (I use pillow to

M. I know, TOO DAMN PATHETIC.)”


Addicted self: “No, but you can trick your brain, you are hugging something, kissing something, just

imagine that you are hugging and kissing the girl on the screen.”


True self: “Damn you Idiot! If you like the feeling of hugging the pillow, just hug the pillow without P.”


Addicted self: “But there is no fun!”


True self: “This is why! The true feeling you are having is actually you want the girl on the screen! But

then you know that you have no way to get that girl, and hence you are just imagine, then hugging the

DAMN PILLOW. You constantly reminding and sexually arousing yourself indefinitely, but then you are

always having no satisfaction. Arousal without satisfaction is always worse than no arousal at all. Make

you sad due to the expectation is not met. Disappointment, let down. You are just like the frustrated dog,

trying to hit the monitor glass, to get that girl on the screen, but will never get her. Why you want to

disappoint yourself like that?”


Well, I am having this kind of conversation with myself 5-6 times everyday. Like, during working, when

feel tired, you start to let your mind wandering, and the first thing pop up in your mind will be only P.

Then the conversation starts. When you are having traffic jam, mind wanders, the conversation starts...


Sometimes, the urge skyrocketing, like the reasoning suddenly loss 100%, no logic. During that dangerous moment, I need a short yet hard, bombing reason to stop me at that moment. In few second time. For me, the “nuclear bomb” reason will be “I don’t want to be sad”. So, I am actually acting on the direction of gathering the knowledge, on how the P itself is actually making you feel worse, sad. The frustration, the disappointment to never get the girl, the shame to be a voyeur, peeping on others having sex. All these make me sad, not making me happy. Well, P suppose to make me happy right? No, hell, NO! (This is by far the knowledge I gather on how P make me sad, NOT HAPPY. If dear Fapstronauts have any other argument and point to add in, I am the happiest to receive the advice or suggestion from you all.)

This is actually using the fear to fight the urge. I know that some Fapstronauts is actually using the motivation of being more confidence and being more attractive to the girls, for their reason to fight the urge. I am totally agree with that. I think that the reason of being more confidence is because you have no more sexual anxiety by always thinking to get the pants off. Kicking the P from life, now you really can talk to other people in the sincerest way. That is where the confidence come from. Pretty make sense for me. The part of being more attractive to girls...I think that is just not working for me.

But I am totally cool with that. Kicking out P, making me more calm, and not sad in life, is already a good reward for me. We all know that life is sometimes giving a lot of shit to us, during the hard time, it seems like all hope lost. For now, my method in this situation will be “P just make you worse. Life is shit, P is shittier. Disappointment of hiding behind the monitor and not getting girl, shame of looking on others having sex, being a voyeur. All will just make you become more sad.” This will be my reason of not looking at P.

Well, I guess different Fapstronauts have different ways in dealing with P. For me, I am using the fear of becoming worse, more sad in life to fight the P urge. Others might be using the motivation to get more girls. I suggest that you can also using the fear as a backup plan. Just in case right?


Anyway, I recommend a link below:


NoFap Forum - What you MUST read to get the right mindset to stop PMO once for all

(due to link cannot be provided, please copy and paste the title above to google. Sorry.)


The main point in the above post is actually you need to set up the life goal.


I think I need to find back my hobby. I still remember I love writing during the time before P. It is like the great thing, the dream in my life. But now, PMO is actually making me question my dream. It comes out like: “dude, you really love writing? Writing makes you tired, but P won’t!” (heck, P is really a problem isn’t?)


Yup, P is really the only thing that is fun in my life now. Desensitization, is it? And yet, P is actually arousing me, but no satisfaction yeah? Only disappointment. Only let down. Only voyeur.


what a DEAD END.


P.S. Thanks for watching the whole post. I guess you know why I am writing so long. Really, I am fighting my urge. NOW. Writing the whole things out, actually clearing up my mind. Suggest you can do that if now you are confusing, urging for P. May be try to sit down and write out the whole thing spinning in our mind? Might help you.

 

Recently I just finished a book:

SPAM REMOVED (spam code #001) - REPORT TO MODERATION (Original link in Reboot Nation)


This book has given quite a lot of information. I suggest you can read it. From what I can conclude, this book straight away goes to the root idea of this whole Porn Addiction problem, and analyse the root, hence leading to the solution of the whole problem.

The book stated that P* is actually not pleasure. It is only illusion. IT IS NOT HAPPY. Many people actually find that it is hard to accept or believe this, but for me, this is the right direction to go to kick out P* from life once and for all. If you find that the reason being used in this book is not enough to convince you that P* IS NOT happiness, I suggest that you can try to gather knowledge and convince yourself about this. Because if P* is fun, then by quitting this addiction you are actually making sacrifice. Then you are actually giving up something, and of course it make you sad. Make you feel deprived. While you are already feeling stress and sad in normal life (due to dopamine receptor decreases), you will also need to handle the stress and sadness of giving up something that is apparently the only thing that can make you happy (which is the illusion created by P*). For me, it is not my way.

But if you can convince yourself that P* is not fun, it is actually making you feel stress instead of relaxing, then by quitting P* addiction, you are actually kicking out the disease out of your life. For example, if you have recovered from cancer, will you miss it? Of course not! Whatever tiredness you feel when you just recovered, you will also feel rejoice, happy. Because you are recovering from the disease. From cancer.

P* addiction is the same. Whatever withdrawal symptom you feel when you just quit PMO, you should be happy. Because you are recovering. You have already STOPPED the PMO, when you decided to quit it. From the second you decided NO MORE PMO, you are already a non-PMOer. Actually, those empty, insure feeling of void, which PMOer identifies them as “craving”, everyone feels it. You know that, because before the first peek of the Porn, you also feel the empty, insecure feeling of void. This is actually normal feeling for human. It is just that you are having very bad luck, born in this high speed internet time, with unlimited access of Porn. And you discover it. But now, since you are already a non-PMOer, you don’t take PMO as a solution to solve it. You have been back to the state before the first peek of Porn, hence you will just ignore the feeling, and move on with other things in life. Such as you go and date the girl you like, instead of urging to sit in front of the monitor. You see, our previous generation has no Internet Porn. They live normal, in fact better than us. But now, why will we need Porn in our life? It is just like we cannot survive without it, how the heck can that be happening to us?

Porn is NOT pleasure, NOT happiness. What is pleasure? From my opinion, pleasure should include satisfaction. It is the WARM feeling. But without satisfaction, it is only excitement, which includes the symptoms such as blood circulates faster, adrenaline rises up. Well, anger, stress, nervous also can be included in the category of “excitement” right ? You feel more alert and concentrate more when you are angry or nervous, isn’t it? But what differentiate pleasure and happiness from all this? It is the warm feeling, the satisfaction.

Can Porn provide this? When you fire up the incognito window of the browser, you see the naked body. So you are aroused. Heart pumps faster, blood circulate faster, you suddenly awake. Dopamine skyrocketing like shit. But what then?

Let switch to another situation. When you look at the photos of the delicious chocolate on the menu, you feel excited. More saliva is being secreted in the mouth. You also feel more alert.

Then the chocolate COMES. You put the chocolate into your mouth, feeling the melt of the chocolate in between the teeth. That WARM feeling. That satisfaction.

Porn is exactly the same (of course with higher excitement, since reproduction is human first priority), except skipping the part of the real chocolate, or looking at the pictures of the chocolate, but eating a pile of shit. Porn provides excitement, but it never satisfied. You get excited, OVER NOTHING. If you try to think back the moment in the middle of PMO (NOT AFTER PMO), you are actually very stress. You feel like that is a lot of bomb is exploding in your brain, one after another. So, you rub and rub and rub and rub. You can’t think of another thing. You feel like you want to explode. Then you finished. Do you satisfy? NO. You will NEVER satisfy. Because when you see the naked body on the screen initially, you are expecting to hug, to kiss, to feel the girl on the screen. But NOTHING comes after you are aroused. You see, the things that are truly happy, truly give you pleasure, for example, in the process of chatting with a bunch of good friends, you actually enjoy every moments. In the process itself, your every laugh, every jokes, they are pure enjoyment, true pleasure. You enjoy every second of it. Sure, if the chatting stop in the middle way, you will have a feeling of “ Aw man! I wish we could stay longer.” But then, you are still enjoying the whole thing.

But what if someone stop you before the orgasm? I don’t know you, but I feel angry, really angry. I want to bang the table, bang my head to the wall. The Porn should make me happy, but why instead it make me stress like shit? No, I am not enjoying the whole PMO session, unless I orgasm. That, is the Main Point. The main purpose of PMO is to orgasm, ejaculating (let just put edging aside. I myself totally don’t understand the purpose of edging. Edging makes me aroused, but didn’t finish. Won’t it be Really Really stress?). Why you want to orgasm? To release. Release from what? From the craving. From the urge. From the stress of needing to PMO.

You see the whole thing? You PMO, so that you don’t have to PMO. You are actually doing the PMO to return to the body state of peaceful and tranquility before the PMO. What you are actually enjoying is that time, that moment when you finally ejaculate. When you finally release the urge or tension. Sure, the dopamine squirt are making you excited, making you alert, making you energized to do things. But if you can consciously look at yourself when you are watching Porn, you are actually not different than a little small dog banging on the glass window, trying to get the rewards behind that glass. But do you finally break that glass and get whatever you want? I don’t think so.

We all thought that Porn can help us to release our urge or craving. Our stress. After the PMO session we can finally been peace, calm, get in the state of tranquility. This is the biggest illusion. Biggest lie that nature and human work together to tell us. THIS IS NOT TRUE. This is because Porn work from BACK TO FRONT. Porn is the thing that actually create the tension, the craving, the urge. You see, before we have the first peek on Porn itself, our state of mind is actually peaceful, calm. Then we have our first peek of DOOM (oh, how we wish we don’t discover the P*). The stress was being built up. The urge is skyrocketing. Then, with the ejaculation, the stress is being PARTIALLY released. We are confused actually. We thought that the partial release is the all release (I know it sounds weird, but you get what I want to say). NO! Actually the stress is being built up. After the first peek, the seed has been planted. Then, after the first session of DOOM, you are getting more and more stress day by day. THE CRAVING. Then you do the second session of PMO. More stress are built up, then partially released through ejaculation. But this time there is more stress in your mind compared to the state before first peek of DOOM. Hence, the vicious cycle start. The first peek of DOOM become the chain of DOOM. With each PMO, you are actually getting more and more stress built up in your mind. The craving become more and more. You can actually prove this with your own experience. Remember what is the time interval between your very first and second PMO session? Few weeks? Few months?

How about now?

This book is very wise that it compares the situation of PMO to the situation of, wearing a super tight shoes, just to enjoy the moment of release when you finally take off the super tight, not comfortable shoes. Precise and accurate comparison.

Well, however, there are some bizarre people out there. I have come across some people, who suggest that they can practice Neo-tantra masturbation with Porn. Hence, eliminating the negative effect of PMO.

*Neo-tantra masturbation: A type of masturbation that build up the tense until the edge of orgasm, then using certain technique to block the ejaculation, hence causing orgasm without ejaculation.

I am not opposed to the concept of Neo-tantra, also not opposed to the Neo-tantra masturbation (however I don’t recommend it either), but with Porn? Give me a break. You see, the negative of Porn is actually building up the tense, building up the stress, but without satisfaction. Looking at the girl behind the glass, but never get her. Then, when you finish the session, you will feel depleted and sad (over some time, because the stress is not built up after 1 or 2 time of PMO, but after SOME PMO session). So, how does Neo-tantra with Porn eliminate the negative effects? OF COURSE NOT!

Besides that, the Neo-tantra itself is actually not cancelling the negative rush for the dopamine release. One of the founder of this concept of Neo-tantra, Mr. Mantak Chia, actually divorce with his first wife and goes for the younger girl in the Thailand village. This prove that there is still negative effect of dopamine dysregulation, even in this Neo-tantra sex. I need to mention again, i believe that there is benefit in this Neo-tantra sex concept, but I CERTAINLY don’t believe on Neo-tantra with Porn, as Mr. Mantak Chia is a good example that Neo-tantra itself did not cancel the negative effect of dopamine release.

Reference: (TRIGGERS ALERT)

Comparing Neo-Daoism with Karezza (reuniting.info)

Actually, Mr. Gary Wilson himself is not opposing the ejaculation.

Reference: refer the whole article and comment session

1. What if I masturbate (edge) or watch porn without orgasm? (yourbrainonporn)
   
   
2. Rebooting Basics: Start Here (yourbrainonporn)
   

He said that the ejaculation has occur for thousand years, but problems of Porn just occur for less than 80 years. So, if ejaculation is not the problem, then Porn is the problem. Then, how the HELL you are going to cancel the negative effect of Porn with this NONSENSE Neo-tantra with PORN?

However, Mr. Gary Wilson himself is actually recommending Karezza Sex, which is sex without ejaculation, and NOT building up tense, instead stay warm.

Quote from 1 of the comments by Mr. Gary Wilson in the article in yourbrainonporn (What if I masturbate (edge) or watch porn without orgasm?)

“It's far more relaxing because you don't try to go near "the edge." The goal is to stay "warm" not hot." The neurochemical cocktail of masturbation appears to be different than the neurochemical cocktail of intercourse, perhaps because "warm touch" has been shown to increase oxytocin and reduce stress, especially in men. The best way to find out how it affects you is to try it for a while. The second best way is to read a number of self-reports by guys who have:

Karezza is for addicts (too)”