P Addicted Now HOCD Sufferer

So I Was Thinking About Posting This Because I Cannot Get Any Help On r/hocd. I'm a 20 year old male and I'm heavily porn addicting since i was 12-13 years old i never stopped masturbating and watching porn since then. I m straight all along in my life i used to sleep with girls, sexting them as much as i can i was fond of sex until i found my soulmate its been 3 years with her we enjoyed sex and we love each other very much. In the end of 2019 as i said i was a heavy porn addict i i want test myself if i get orgasm by sexting a gay or not i had never done that but i wanted to try it. I sexted a gay and i masturbated . Then i was terrified if I've done something wrong then the thought went away after some days i thought to test myself again then i imagined a gay friend of mine getting fucked by me then i masturbated. It was all going fine i was thinking I'm a bisexual and i was okay with it no intrusive thoughts and no anxiety and all. But in 2020 after 2 months of lockdown in june i was very stressed if I'm turning gay or not. Having intrusive thoughts, compulsions, anxiety, everybody told me to accept the fact that I'm gay i tried to accept it but deep down my gut feeling says I'm not. Now i don't have any attraction to girls. Sometimes attraction is there sometimes isnt. I tried to recheck myself by watching gay porn only 1 time i got erected and that porn didn't have any interesting thing to orgasm. I recently watched a gay movie based on there love and marriage but i didn't got romantic and aroused by it. It was a normal movie. So guys what's the problem? I cannot accept it, i cannot overcome it

 

I was clearly overthinking today so i found out when i was a kid i used to bath with my male cousin and as i said i m porn addict so i used to get boners but i never tried to kiss him or feel romantic Because i get grossed out and all i i was ejaculate during the bath thinking about a girl. This happened max 2 times. I also have a history with girls when i feel romantic with them and trying to kiss them. But i didn't felt anything like romance or sexual towards my cousin or any male what are ur opinions