I am on nofap journey 1year and 3months, iam 20 years old addict who was jerking off since 10 and i started to do lot of extreme dangerous things for my life, developed lot of porn fetishes, long 12 hours daily masturbation sessions and sexting with lot of random girls and i developed social anxiety, anxiety disorder and panic disorder. A 15 months ago i realised i have a problem and i started to improve my self and do Nofap, also i started getting rid of my social anxiety and i found a girlfriend, its better to say that she found me. She is 18 and we started to dating and first 2 months i cant even have sext with her i had a sexual anxiety and fear of my performance but then it comes to a point where i cant longer stay quiet about my problems and i realised i have to talk about it with her. I said it about my problems with porn addictions and she was very supportive and she accepted that and she wanted to help me with that. I felt like she is the girl for me, she has a good sexual history, i love her and she loves me with all of her heart and i feel it. She is giving me all of her attention and she want to spend all of her time with me she also want to have a children with me and marry with me and live with me and i see how she is adopting my opinions and life godly values. BUT there was one problem. Since we started to dating i know that she has a male guy friend who is also her class mate and i was really okay with that and also she was sometimes texting with him infront of my eyes about normal thingsl, school things, sending memes etc.. i was still okay with this because i was sure that she is not a person who want attention from every guy and also her instagram looked like that. But one day i had not time to spend the time with her because of work and she was sad about that because she had a free day than. And she told me that she will go to his work she is a barman and because that she like gin tonic she told me she will go to his work to get gin tonic... and later that day i texted her a message when i was saying that if she go on that gin tonic with that friend it will be problem for me... she accepted that and she canceled it and stay at home. Later maybe one week from that day she was in the shower and she leave her phone in my room and i started to make some funny photos of me that she will find later.. and i made one photo of me wich i wanted to delete so i went trough her gallery because of that photo because i know her password and she is okay with that. And then i was in that gallery to delete that one photo i saw a selfies of him in her gallery from school. It makes me very jealous and then i got a tought to see their mutual instagram conversation, and i saw a messages which including hearts and also good morning darling and good night messages and it looks like he want her and she also.. and because i am so jealous person i made a world war 3 because of i was so sick about that and i ask her to delete her instagram accout because i also dont have IG account because of addictions and she did that. she deleted her instagram account, she blocked him everywhere and she respect my opinions and she didnt try to explain to me that i dont have to worry about him. Yes she said that their relationship is like brother and sister but that good morning darling message from her broke my heart and i had a trauma from it. Its been 4 months from that incident and i am still at pain and in anxiety. She stopped to talk with him and i know she loves me and she would do anything to stay with me. But i cant get over this. I know that i had a more worse sexual.. ehm its better to say fapping history then she and if she knows everything ive did with that texting with girls she will be very sad and because of these incident i have a more motivation to stop with doing that and it helps me to start from my self first. But every week my anxiety and trauma from their relationship comes back to my mind and sometimes i cant even eat because of it but i know my relationship has a great potentional and we live a good godly life together and i know its not a reason to break up with her.. she is hundred percent in our relationship and i know she would die if we break up so it keeps me in relationship with her but i cant get rid of that pain from this.. any word any advice from you? thank u a lot
Plus: she never had a sex with him or any sexual thing and she was also clear with him about that she is in relationship with me and she never trying to hide a conversation with him so its a good sign because if it was something more than a friend for her then she would trying to hide it infront of me.
Biggest thing - you can't change the past. There's no point in worrying about it if it's already gone. You're taking away from both your and her present.
Girls don't think like us. For them innocent friendship forever between a girl and a boy is possible. For us innocent friendship is just a step in hope to get into her pants one day.Girls dont get that usually, it is not her fault. Now for you, being with her should be 100% your choice. Jealousy is negative feeling which will detroy you, you do not deserve it, so let it go completely. If u yourself really love her and see her as ur life partner, then really let go of the past. Communicte with her like a gentleman, tell her that you love her, and if she loves you, and wanna spend her life with you, then there is no place for another boy, even as a friend. If she is ok with that, well good, if she is not, then bro, there are other fish in the sea.
Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I believe that you can get a happy relationship, but you should see a therapist about your jealousy. It seems to be causing you a lot of pain, and even worse, you are forcing your gf to cut ties with a good friend. Maybe this sounds harsh, but it's very destructive for a relationship to dominate and control your partner like that, and you need to find a way to stop it. I hope you will realize that it's not the way to go, and seek help to deal with your emotions. Lastly, the idea that men and women can't be friends is new to me. Maybe it's cultural, but everyone I know, including myself, have friends of the opposite sex. What's the problem with that?
Jealousy is a self destructive poison from within. It's a natural feeling, but I think it needs to be processed in a healthy way. There's nothing wrong with feeling jealous about the idea of your girlfriend potentially being interested in another man. What isn't ok is for you to demand and restrict her actions because you are jealous. Ultimately you want someone who wants to be with you. But you can't force that. If you try to it will lead to more jealous controlling outbursts from you and she will develop resentment that you don't trust her. Then at some point you are likely going to think she's lying to you and this cycle will get worse until she says enough is enough. This is not a good foundation of a relationship. In it's place TRUST! Instead of demanding she delete her Instagram. Be honest with her. Bring up what you saw and explain that it hurt you. Express the importance of being open and honest. And that ultimately express your intentions and that her sexting others isn't something you want in the relationship. Keep in mind this is a two way street and you need to listen to her as well. If you feel jealous in the moment think through the emotions. Try and simplify what you are feeling so you can make a logical decision. If you're gf is texting pictures of herself to someone else. Maybe she truly is interested in them. If so this might happen again and if that violates your boundaries leave. She also might have been interested but once you brought it up she realized it was wrong and has decided to stop, if so trust her and don't demand she delete her Instagram. She also might be lying to you because you were so upset and it was the easy way to get you off her back, if so this issue will arise again. No matter what action she takes you can't control it. You must give her freedom. You can have boundaries for yourself and what you expect. But if you try and dictate what she can and can't do, Who she can and can't talk to, Or anything else like that your going to cause damage to the relationship. Try and to trust and love her. If she's a great person she'll prove it to you. Continue proving to her you are worth her time as well. This is coming from a guy who was a jealous person when I was younger and am now married to a woman who is very jealous. I've been on both sides of it and it's not a good thing! I promise you it is something you need to take very serious. Edit: your gf seems very understanding of you and your PMO issues. Return the favor and be understanding of her. Express how what you saw on her phone makes you feel. Then forgive and trust her to do the right thing as she's doing for you.
I agree the friendship could be suspect. If you ever catch her lying about contacting him, that's your sign that it is. Until then, it could well be innocent, or there could be interest from his side and not hers. If you're uncomfortable with a new friendship, however, make it known - which you have. With regards to the sexual stuff, am I right in thinking that you two have not had sex yet? I would consider using erectile dysfuntion medication to overcome performance anxiety. Once you have done it a few times with her, you'll feel less anxious.
Their messages are somewhat odd because I have male friends that I consider brothers and have never spoke to them like that. A betrayal pain will take a while to go away. I can recommend speaking with your doctor to refer a therapist for you. I am so glad that she respected you by deleting him and I hope y'all can continue to be open with each other about your feelings and even boundaries.
