Please read my story - and help:(

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by LMSav, Dec 21, 2019.

  1. LMSav

    LMSav Fapstronaut

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    An initial note to admins: please don’t move this to the relationship section - I often post there and don’t get many responses.

    I have a NoFap streak of 179 days, just under 6 months. I am 20 years old. I have had PIED for a few years now I think, and have been with my girlfriend for a little over 2 months (dating for a lot longer). I also suffer with severe premature ejaculation probably from PIED. I had lots of sex from the age of 14 to 16, and nothing since the age of 16 until now.

    I use pills (Cia lis), but I still don’t get full erections. I suffer with bad anxiety which probably doesn’t help.

    I have been open with my girlfriend (high sex drive) about my problems, but they are really starting to affect our relationship now :((( she says doesn’t think we are sexually compatible and I am sensing she’s thinking about breaking up with me:(

    How much longer will it take to cure my PIED? I have done everything right. I can’t lose her to this - it would absolutely break me.

    does anyone have any thoughts or experiences? How to keep her and how to make PIED go away??

    please!!! :(((
     
    popefiction likes this.
  2. LMSav

    LMSav Fapstronaut

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    Admin: please can you move it back
     
  3. skibum71

    skibum71 Fapstronaut

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    Your ED causes anxiety; anxiety causes ED; it's a very problematic vicious cycle. I think the only way to really get to the bottom of what is causing it is by therapy, with a psychotherapist specialised in sexual problems. Make a commitment to finding a solution to this problem rather than just freaking out about it, speaking to a therapist would be a good start.
    Good luck!
     
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  4. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    It sounds like you want sex, I'm familiar with that in myself and around here and I think that is one of the biggest blocks to real relationships is unrecovered addiction. I also have experience of freedom from the obsession and also data on feeling that way ("I just want sex I want sex I want sex") and being able to participate in a positive loving relationship partly by not acting on every thought in my head (many of which are about sex, that's the addiction talking). I've been married for many years and at times sex was no good and at other times very good, sometimes I was obsessed with sex with my spouse other times not. What I do is actively practice giving up the expectation of sex, including when it's happening or when is going to happen soon. Just staying off pm doesn't help if I keep going along with the obsession that in my experience is no fun. I don't think of nofap as a way to get better sex, "sex positive" is still sex focused and can easily mean sex obsessed so maybe "positive sex" would help us remember the goal is to have sex in a way that is different than how we used to, not just in terms of what but why. My attitude is important, my spouse is the type of person who does not want to be used for sex but is happy to give sex as a celebration of true love. The people I pursued before I had purely selfish motives and now I'm glad (I definitely was not glad at the time :) ) it didn't work out because chances are they are selfish, like attracts like. My best chance to get in life is to give, I have been trying it for years and it's proven true in my relationships, my work and other more important parts of life.
     
  5. popefiction

    popefiction Fapstronaut

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    Personally, I find that if you are feeling that when someone is going to leave you it will "destroy you" it's already showing me that you are extremely dependent on this person/relationship. You need to work on ALLLLLLLL aspects of life before getting into relationships. because you will just keep going through bullshit, breakups and all other kinds of bad shit. Your inner being, your innerself you need a strong foundation (impenetrable) before enduring in relationships otherwise it will be like you NEED the relationship. you should never feel like you need her cause you really dont. You will encounter more women, with different views etc. I feel when you are whole as a person and you find another person who is whole in themselves then you both come together to share and experience love together rather than NEEDING her to love you, NEEDING someone to talk to, NEEDING someone to have sex with etc. You shouldnt need these things as they can easily control your emotions and your mind. With control over such things and having such a viewpoint I feel it would make you confident in yourself even with PIED. Maybe a journey down self development will find you your cure to PIED. Meditation i think is a good starting point because it lets you face all your problems head on gives you clarity on stuff that you may have never seen before. but its just my opinion. personally I havent had PIED, so in that aspect i dont fully understand. What I'm saying you probably dont wanna hear but its life and eventually it will come to you in another form. Shes probably going to break up with you, and thats okay cause shes just not the one for you. she fufilled her purpose in your life (maybe to show you your insecurities or fears, to show you what you want in your future wife etc) and you must continue to press on and become the alpha version of yourself. Ive been through a lotta shit with relationships to realise if your not whole within yourself (still depressed, have insecurities, havent got rid of bad habits) your relationship will just be filled with fear, lust and a whole lotta emotions that are gonna control its just gonna suck you right in and keep you at purgatory thats if you are not Whole, a strong being who has master over self and over emotion. again this is all my opinion and from experience , relationships are just mirrors of ourselves.
     
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